


The Sacrifice

by prpldragon50



Series: Dark Places [3]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Danny Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Psychological Torture, Sexual Abuse, Slash, Steve Whump, Torture, anguish, mcdanno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-09 04:15:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 56,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11096685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prpldragon50/pseuds/prpldragon50
Summary: When a contract killing is taken out on someone near and dear to Steve, he does whatever is necessary to ensure they, and all of his o'hana, are safe.This is a multi-chapter story, one of few in this series.Please note, I am not a medical nor torture expert.  Google is my good friend and the muse has not let this one alone.  It has taken a while but I think I finally have it where I want it.  Please let me know what you think.  Comments are the life-blood of the muse.  It keeps her happy and she may even invite her happy cousin back to continue a couple other of my stories.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is another dark story, though with some hopeful moments. I just cannot get away from hurting Steve and having Danny almost die from concern, guilt and fear.

 

Steve looks around the room for the hundredth time, still not seeing a way out.  It’s part of his DNA to try and find one, even though he is here voluntarily.  It has been five days and he has no intention of leaving until he knows everyone is safe.  He will put up with anything they can dole out as long as his family is safe… for as long as it takes.  He lifts his arm from around his middle and pulls up his shirt.  The needle and silk they gave him was holding.  He gently traces along the the stitches, starting just below his ribcage, down his side, curving just above his hip and stopping just below his belly button.  The knife had been sharp and he’d felt very little pain…until the blood had started flowing.  Then he couldn’t keep the scream from leaving his throat.  They’d thrown the first aid kit in with him, telling him to stitch himself up. 

That had been on the first day. 

            Lowering the shirt, he pulls out the mirror and looks at his face.  The same needle and silk had come in handy when they’d decided that he needed some ‘surgery’ on his face.  These stitches start just above his left eyebrow and trail down his cheek, ending just under his jaw.  Pulling out the bottle of saline solution he’d mixed, he wets the clean rag and gently dabs at the wound, trying to keep it as clean as possible.  He remembers how they’d laughed after the offensive mark had been made, teasing him about not being so ‘pretty’ anymore and who would want him now. 

            _Danny_.

            He shakes his head at that thought.  He has to leave all thoughts of Danny and the kids behind.  This is his reality now.  What he must do to keep them safe…all of them, actually.  He sighs as he proceeds to clean the wound on his torso.  He knows he has to keep them clean, avoid any infection, so he can remain their ‘play toy’ for as long as is necessary.  They won’t give him more than the basic necessities for his first aid, but it is enough. 

            That had been on the third day.  The second day, the ‘winner’ had decided to try bowling; but instead of rolling the ball, he decided to drop it and see if he could hit his foot.  He did several times and Steve knows that several bones in his left foot are broken along with every toe but the big one.  He’s got it wrapped with the tape they give him but it’s not enough to truly allow them to heal.  He knows it’s going to leave him with a limp for the rest of his life. 

            He stands, limping over to the sink, filling the now empty bottle with water and grabs the salt from the shelf above it.  He turns, leaning against the sink as he fills the bottle and looks around.  This is his life for the foreseeable future.  There’s nothing he can do about it.  He made his choice.  He knows it’s the right one, too.  _Whatever is necessary to keep Danny and the kids safe._ Screwing the top back on, he shakes up the bottle, hissing as the move pulls at the stitches on his side and the bruises on his chest. 

            Yesterday the winner had used him as a punching bag, using his upper torso, front and back.  He limps back over to the bed, sitting down gently, placing the bottle next to the first aid kit on the small table next to him.  He lies back, bringing his feet up and stretching out on the bed, wondering what they will have planned for him today. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            Danny walks into HQ, coffee in hand and a song in his heart.  Okay, no song, but he’s actually in a good mood.  He’s been in one ever since he found out he didn’t have to go to LA to testify in that ridiculous case.  He would’ve missed his kids too much.  Not that he doesn’t miss Steve, but he’s glad Steve volunteered for it.  He’d found it a little strange, considering Danny had originally volunteered, but Steve told him he was willing and they only needed one.  He hadn’t questioned it since Grace was off this week, it being her birthday week, and she wanted to spend the time with him and her little brother.  He wasn’t going to turn down any chance to spend a full week with her. 

            “You’re in a good mood today, brah.  What’d you do with the real Danny Williams?”  Chin greets him as he walks in.

            “He’s right here.  This is the new Danny Williams, Chin.  I have a week coming up with my kids with no interruptions from their mother.”

            “How you managing that?”  Lou asks, walking in behind him.

            “Rachel and Stan are heading to Vegas for business and so the kids are staying with me for spring break.”  He smiles, raising his coffee to them and then takes a long drink. 

            “Nice.  Will wants to spend the week at some resort over on Lanai where so many of his friends are going.  I’m not letting my fifteen year old go spend a week on his own, I don’t care whose chaperoning!” 

            “Grace mentioned it but Rachel and Stan said no so she decided she wanted to stay with me instead of going to Vegas.” 

            “You’re lucky, my friend.  Will is spittin’ mad and wants to be as far away from me as possible, right now.”

            “He’ll get over it the next time something comes along that he wants.”  Danny pats him on the back and heads to his office. 

            “Hey, you heard from Steve?”  Lou hollers after him.

            “Not since he left.  He said he probably won’t have much time.  I texted him this morning so I hope to hear back from him sometime today.”

            “Still can’t believe he volunteered to fly to LA to testify in this case.”

            “He’s a good guy.  He wanted me to have the time with the kids.  I can’t fault him for that.”  He lets the door close behind him. 

            “I tell ya, Chin, something’s going on there.”  Lou turns to the Hawaiian.

            “Maybe Steve’s planning a surprise.  You know how much he likes to surprise Danny.  He knows how much Danny hates surprises.”

            “Yeah, you’re probably right.”  They both turn to the table, looking over evidence from their most recent case.  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            Steve opens his eyes as he hears the door open. 

            “Time to get up, McGarrett.  It’s game time!”  The bigger man walks over to the bed.

            Steve groans as he sits up, holding his arm to his side and placing his feet carefully on the floor.  “All right.  Just give me a couple seconds.”

            The man looks down at the task force leader.  He has a hard time believing this man was a Navy SEAL.  It’s only been four days and he looks like he’s ready to give in. 

            “I figured you would be tougher than this, McGarrett.”

            Steve looks sideways up at him, a look of hatred on his face.  “Don’t worry about me.  I’ll be fine.  I can last as long as you can.”  He spits out.

            “Prove it.”  The man grabs Steve’s arm, yanking him to his feet. 

            Steve nearly yells out in pain as the action tears at the stitches in his side.  “You might wanna watch that.  If I bleed out here on the floor because you lost your patience, I think you’ll be the next one in this position.”  Steve barks out at him, yanking his arm out of the other mans grip, wrapping it back around his side.  He glances down to see if any bleeding has started and relaxes when he sees no red. 

            The big man next to him, sighs, realizing the cop is correct and he counts to ten.  “You ready yet, princess?”

            Steve shakes his head.  “Let’s go.”  He walks around the man and into the main room. 

            What a difference from room to room.  The room Steve is staying is Spartan.  It has a bed, a small bedside table, one lamp, a sink with a metal toilet and a small shower area.  In here, it’s almost luxurious.  The chairs the rest of the group are sitting on are plush and covered in velvet.  The table is made of kona wood, well taken care of.  Most of the floor is covered in lush carpet with the area they are always in a clean, cool marble.  The walls are covered in expensive artwork while the rest of the furniture matches the table and chairs.  He immediately goes to his designated chair, a plain, but solid, wooden piece.  The first time he was flung into it, he had vivid flashbacks to the time in a dark, damp basement, cuffs around wrists and ankles, drugs flowing through the IV stuck in his arm.  He was back in that room.  He could smell the dankness; the woman administering the drugs; the dry-cleaning chemicals; and WoFat.  It was as if it was happening all over again and then he was brought back to the present by a backhand to his face.  He made sure not to go there again. 

            “Playtime!”  He hears yelled by one of the lackeys.  He watches them gather around the table, all playing for the chance to fuck him up.  This is his reality.  His reason for being. 

            He thinks back to the day he made the agreement.  He had received intel regarding the case in LA and had investigated it…alone.  He met with his CI and felt like he’d just been run over by a truck when he heard the threats; the contracted operation.  He’d gone home and reread everything he’d been given. 

            **_A contracted hit on Grace._**


	2. I'd Do Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just how far will Steve go to keep his o'hana safe?

** Chapter Two:  I’d do anything **

            His heart had leapt into his throat at that thought.  They had contracted a hit on Danny’s daughter to keep him from testifying.  His mind was reeling to think they would go so far as to kill a young girl to stop this.  And the fact that was Gracie?  He couldn’t allow that.  No!  He had to put a stop to it. 

            So, he’d reached back out to his CI and had him spread the word.  McGarrett wanted a meeting.  He’d be willing to offer his life for hers.  It would have the same effect and Danny wouldn’t lose his little girl.  He would learn to live without Steve, but he would never survive the death of his little girl.  A mere twelve hours later he had a response.  A demand for a meeting.  Neutral ground. 

            Steve had put everything in order.  He always had his papers ready cause he never knew when the end would come.  It had almost happened with that damn undercover op where’d he’d been shot while in the air.  He’d almost bled out in that damn plane.  If Danny hadn’t given up two pints of his own blood, Steve probably would have died.  They were the same rare blood type and they needed a match.  Danny had literally laid down next to him and given him his blood directly.  They hadn’t time to get him to the hospital so they’d triaged him right next to that plane and done the direct transfusion.  It wasn’t recommended or even approved but Steve had lost too much blood.  They had managed to clamp off the bleeders but moving him in his condition would have killed him.  So his Danny had laid down, broken ribs and all, and given him the life liquid.  Once they were able to transport him, Danny, woozy and a little giddy, had gone off and taken down the organization who’d shot him.  Once back in the hospital, he’d been admitted for 48 hours for observation and a ‘refill’ and Steve had woken up to find him in the same room. 

            So, he was now prepared.  His papers are in order.  He just needs to sign them.  As much as it belongs to her, too, he leaves the house to Danny.  The kids will love having the ocean as a backyard.  Steve leaves a few mementos that are family heirlooms and the bulk of his liquid holdings to Mary, the rest of his cash and investments to Danny to help upkeep with the house.  It was paid for but there will still be taxes and such.  There’s a letter to the governor, turning the task force over to Danny with Chin as second.  Everything else is unimportant.  As long as the task force, Mary and Danny are taken care of…that’s all that matters.  He’d placed the documents in a folder and then slipped into a manila envelope with his lawyers name and address on it.  He walked out the door, the moon shining brightly and headed to the rendezvous.  Once there, he stood out in the open, letting them see he had no weapons; no one with him and no one following him. 

            The large man and beautiful woman who walked out to meet him had surprised him.  He’d been expecting seedy, lecherous, even ugly, but the two who meet him are gorgeous; beautiful.  They approach him without trepidation.  In fact, it puts him on edge just how confident they are. 

            “Commander McGarrett.  I would say it’s nice to meet you, but that would just be a farce.”  The woman said, her look calm. 

            He’d nodded to them both, letting them speak first. 

            “You wished to meet with us?”  The man spoke, his voice melodious and deep.

            “Yes.  You have a contract out on a young woman.  Grace Williams.  I want to offer a trade.”

            “You have nothing we want.  Why would we do that?”  The woman asks.

            “I can guarantee no testimony.”  He’d wanted to get this over with.  He knows he won’t be going back to his house. 

            “How can you do that?”  The man queries.

            “Take me.”

            She’d laughed.  “How does that guarantee anything?”

            “I’ll tell him I’m gonna testify.  He can stay at home with his kids and not be involved at all.  You can keep me until the whole thing is over.  I won’t say a word.  He’ll think I’m in LA the whole time.”

            She looks to her companion, raising her eyebrows. 

            “What keeps us from taking you now, now that you know, and still killing her to keep him quiet?”

            “Your word.  No need to kill an innocent girl if I can keep him from testifying.”

            They’d looked Steve up and down, like a piece of meat.  “Tell us more.”  She almost purrs.

            “I simply tell Detective Williams that I will go and testify so he can stay home with his kids.  He won’t question that.  You take it from there as to how the trial will be handled.  I will go willingly with you right now, as long as you call off the hit on Grace Williams.  I will do whatever you want; put up with whatever you do as long as you leave them alone.  I will tell him I will stay in LA until I’m needed, no matter what happens.  I won’t get on the stand and lie, but I will do anything else.  You call off the hit and leave them alone.” 

            She looks at her companion again, the look on her face asking him why not.  She can definitely see the advantages to his suggestion.  Killing, even a contract killing, is such a messy thing.  And then, if you don’t trust the one who does it, you have to get rid of them. 

            “Think about it.   It would make things so much cleaner and easier.”  She nudges him.  “And we could have some fun.”  She looks suggestively at Steve. 

            Her companion looks at her and smiles.  It would make things easier.  “You’ll come willingly?  No resistance?  We won’t have to worry that you will try to escape down the road?” 

            “No escape attempts.”  Steve swallows hard, knowing he is giving up his future.  He has no idea how long he will be their captive but it doesn’t matter.  He’s willing to give up everything to keep them safe.  They are all that matters to him.  Even if he dies, it will be worth it. 

            “Anything we want?  You will do whatever we want?”  She sidles up next to him.  She chuckles at his discomfort.   “Oh, come now, honey, I know you are not inexperienced, are you?”  She licks her lips. 

            Steve, now realizing just what he is submitting himself to, drops his head in shame.  “No, I am not.”  He answers simply. 

            “Call him now.”  The man says. 

            “It’s the middle of the night.  He’s gonna be suspicious if I call him now.”

            “Make up some reason why you are calling him now.  If you are going to come with us now, we need to know he’s not planning on leaving the island.”

            Steve glares at them.  He was hoping to give himself a little more time before saying goodbye to his life, even though he knew he was never stepping foot in his home again.  “Please, let me do it in the morning.”

            “Now.”  He moves his hand to his waist. 

            Steve sighs and pulls out his phone.  He wished he’d said he’d meet them in the morning, but he’d made this bed.  It was time to lie in it. 

            “Hey, Danny.  Yeah, I know it’s the middle of the night, but I’ve been talking to the DA on that case in LA and I’m gonna go and testify.  Yeah, you can stay here and spend the time with the kids.  I know, I know its spring break.  Yeah, you can have the entire week off.  Tell Chin.  He’ll take care of it.  No, I need to be on a plane first thing in the morning.  Yeah, they wanna prep me.  I know it doesn’t start for three weeks.  They wanna be sure everything’s in order.  No, I don’t need a ride to the airport.  I’ll just take a taxi.  No, it’s fine.  You sleep in.  Once you get those kids, I’m sure Charlie will have you up at 6 am every morning!”  He swallows back the sob in his throat thinking about Charlie running in and waking _them_ up in the morning.  He and Danny hadn’t reached that point, yet, but he had been hopeful.  Now, it will never happen.  “I’ll be in touch.  I promise.  Yes, I’ll let you know when I land.  Not sure how available I’ll be to talk, but I will definitely send you a message.  No, not email.  Yes, I will text.  Okay.  Sorry to wake you but I didn’t want to disappear on you again.  Yeah, I do, too.  Bye, Danny.  Aloha.”  Steve disconnects the call and hands the phone over to the waiting hand. 

            “Very good, Commander.  I think we will get along just fine.”  The man says, nodding to the car waiting around the corner. 

            “Make your call.  I don’t move until you call off the hit.”  He plants his feet, crossing his arms over his chest.

            The man nods to her.  She pulls out her phone, hits a speed dial and waits.  Steve hears her speak in Spanish, though he can only get about half of what she’s saying.  He does pick up the cancellation of the contract and relaxes.  They are safe.  She disconnects and looks at him.  “Happy?” 

            Steve nods.  He’s done what he was determined to do and that was all that mattered.  He moves to the car, his feet becoming heavier with every step he takes.  He’d come back to this island over eight years ago, thinking he was only to be here for a few hours and stayed until now.  He never thought he’d leave it again.  It is home.  It’s where his o’hana is. 

            _It’s where Danny is._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think. Any and all comments welcome and they certainly keep the muse satisfied and hanging around to inspire more.


	3. It's Gonna be a Long Year...or Longer.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real torture begins...

** Chapter Three:   **

            Steve shakes his head as he’s brought back to his nightmare of a reality by the shout of “Winner!” 

            He looks up and sees the winner.  He was an ugly son-of-a-bitch, short and stocky, with a face that would scare a wild boar.  He walks over, almost stalking Steve as he walks around the chair. 

            “We have a surprise for you.  We’re gonna do things a little differently from now on.  It’s just too much to decide what we wanna do to you every single day.  So, we’re gonna leave that to chance…a little bit.”  He grins as two large, flat screens are rolled in.  On the first one, a wheel pops up, at least forty different wedges on it, each with a different “torture” for him.  He takes in a deep breath when he reads a few of them.  Many were processes he knows he can handle.  Things like waterboarding; the rack; dislocation of different joints; even sensory deprivation.  But some put a little fear in him:  hobbling; kneecapping; hamstringing; and mutilation.  He’s not sure what kind of mutilation but it puts a little fear in him since it could mean so many things.  It’s the next words that shrink his balls.

            “But every few days we will have a special day.  On those days, like today, we will be using this special wheel of torture!”  He points to the other screen and a wheel pops up with only about eight different wedges. 

            Steve audibly gasps when he sees what’s on those pieces.  He shakes his head, “No.  We never agreed to anything like this.” 

            “Oh, my dear boy,” the man from his original meeting stands and says, “you agreed to anything.  I remember distinctly.  You said you will do whatever we want; will put up with anything we want to do.  I remember that distinctly.  So, yes, you did agree to this.”  His smile is malicious and maniacal. 

            Steve looks back at the screen and a shudder runs up his spine. 

            Electrocution

            Mock Execution

            Hanging

            Flaying

            Genital mutilation

            Sexual gratification

            Water cure

            Flaying

            Steve feels the bile building, rushing to be expelled from his throat as he finishes reading that list.  Most of those on there could kill him…easily.  If that happens, what’s to keep them from going after Grace again?  No!  He can’t allow that.

            Swallowing down the bile, he demands, “Several of those could kill me.  You have to promise me that if I die, you don’t go after anyone else.  You told me they would be safe if I came here and submitted to you.  But I never thought you would do anything like this.  I can’t control what happens if you do some of these and I die.  Promise me you will leave them alone!”  He’s yelling by the time he gets to the last few words. 

            The handsome man smiles.  “We made an agreement and we will abide by it as long as you do.  I make that promise.” 

            Steve shudders again and then nods. 

            The ugly brute goes to the “special” wheel, taps the screen and the wheel starts spinning.  Steve watches, wide-eyed, wondering what horrific torture he will have to endure. 

            As the wheel slows down, he holds his breath, waiting for it to stop.  He waits for it to stop as it pauses over genital mutilation and then slips over to electrocution.  He lets the air out when it stops, knowing it will be painful, depending on how they approach it, but it will definitely be better than the mutilation. 

            “Ohhhh, nice!  Are you ready for this McGarrett?”  The brute turns to him. 

            Steve just sits up straight, trying to mentally prepare himself for this.  He ignores the flurry of activity around him as they set up the device.  He’s not bound to the chair in any manner but he cannot move.  If he does, Grace is dead.  So he sits stone still. 

            One of the girls, and yes, she is a girl…can’t be more than twenty, comes over and places something on each of his ears.  Bringing his hand up, he feels at the clip on his right ear, before it’s slapped away. 

            “No touching.”  He hears from behind him.  He places his hand back on the arm of the chair waiting to see what’s next.  The girl moves in front of him and unbuttons his shirt.  She flings it open, gazing at the stitches in his side and smiles.  Taking a finger, she runs it lightly alongside the wound, causing goose bumps to form on Steve’s arms and, involuntarily, his nipples to harden.  Quickly, she roughly places a clip on each nipple, Steve moaning as each one closes.  Grabbing his hands, she places larger clips on each of his ring fingers and steps back.

            “He’s ready.”  She declares. 

            His eyes follow the leads coming off the ones on his fingers and he sees all six connected to a board with six small switches and one large.  He grits his teeth in preparation but he had no idea the pain he is about to endure.  He screams out as he feels extreme pain flow through his head.  His brain feels as though it’s gonna explode, flashes of light going off before his eyes and a loud buzzing in his ears.  His entire body goes stiff, his hands gripping tightly to the arms of the chair, his head thrown back. 

            His entire body droops as the current is turned off, his head lolling on his chest, rolling back and forth as he moans in severe pain.  He almost slides out of the chair, but catches himself as his ass moves over the edge of the seat.  He drags himself back up into the chair, his body still shaking, his eyes rolling wildly and his head bobbing loosely.  He can barely hear them laughing over the buzz in his ears as he straightens up, pressing his back against the chair. 

            His back arches and another scream escapes his throat as the current travels between his nipples.  He can feel it passing through his heart and lungs, his breath coming hard and fast; his pulse skipping.  His chest feels as though it’s going to explode as his lungs expand, filling with air but he can’t push it back out.  His head is thrown over the back of the chair, mouth wide open but no noise coming out of it. 

            “Stop.  You’re gonna kill him.”  The beautiful woman says, waving her hand. 

            “Whatever you say, Lyssa.” 

            Steve drops down in the chair, his body shaking, his breathing heavy, his heart beating dangerously fast.  His head rolls on the back of the chair, his lack of control over his muscles giving all those watching a show.  They continue to laugh, watching his inability to control his own body and he tries to will himself back in control. 

            His eyes track the girl as she approaches him again and kneels before him.  He cringes as she picks up a foot, unties his boot and then slips it and his sock off.  She repeats the process with the other foot, placing them flat on the floor. 

            “You know electricity doesn’t travel through marble.”  He grunts out.

            She simply smiles at him and steps back. 

            Steve screams out as his entire body tenses, veins all over pressing out against his skin, tendons on his neck, shoulders and arms standing out like ropes wrapping around body.  He feels the current flowing from one finger, through his chest, his heart and lungs, and down the other arm where the link is complete on his other finger.  He can feel his heart beat irregularly and his breathing becoming labored.  His scream quiets to nothing, though his mouth remains wide open.  His eyes feel as though they are ready to pop out of his head and his brain is going to melt right in his head.  His eyes may be open, but he sees nothing…nothing but white light and stars exploding all around. 

            As quickly as it started, the current is gone, but Steve continues to jerk and spasm, drool dribbling out of the corner of his mouth, tears running down his face, eyes burning as if on fire, breath coming hard and fast.  He has no control over his body, no matter how much he tries.  He’s mortified and ashamed when he realizes he’s also lost control of his bladder, but there is nothing he can do about it.  He feels the wetness spread across his crotch, adding to the small current still flowing through his body.  He jerks and convulses, wondering when the next, sure to be deadly, shock will flow. 

            “Forget the rest.  Get him out of here.”  Lyssa says, disgust in her voice.  She’d enjoyed it up to the point where he’d lost control of his bladder.  Now she just wants him out of her sight.  “Make sure he has what he needs to clean himself up.  Give him clean clothes and some body-wash, this time.  I want him presentable for my visit later tonight.”  She grins, lecherously, thinking about that she is going to do to, and with, him later.

            Two of the bigger men, Lee and Joey, lift him up between the two of them, after the girl had removed the now dead leads, and carry him to his room.  Throwing him on the bed, they laugh as the toss the clothing on the table along with a small bag of bath items, his boots and socks at the foot of the bed.  They know what Lyssa has planned and though a little jealous, know they don’t want to do anything to make her angry, so they let him be. 

            Steve, still not able to see clearly or hear what is going on around him, lies on the bed, body twitching, heart still beating erratically, breath still labored and heavy and almost wishes to die.  _How am I gonna survive this?  Another session like this and I won’t._ A loud sob escapes his lips at the thought of never seeing his o’hana again.  Of never seeing Danny again.  They were just getting started, even though they’ve been together for more than seven years, they’d only just recently started to explore their true feelings for each other.  _We haven’t even had a first kiss._ Another sob escapes, though no tears fall.  He has none left after that session. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never been through anything like this but it's what I imagine it might feel like to have that many volts going through one's body. And that is what this is, just a fictional story from my imagination.   
> It will get a little more explicit from her for a bit so be prepared. Steve is going to go through hell.


	4. Pleasure...or psychological pain?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has experienced a great deal of pain. Is there some kind of pleasure in his future? Or is it just more torture. Some explicit sexual situations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note: This chapter includes some non-consensual sexual situations.

**Chapter Four:**         

            He opens eyes, his body having stopped shaking, shivering, twitching and buzzing.  He still has the sound in his ears but it’s now a manageable level.  He has no idea how long he was out, but the sun is definitely lower in the sky.  He pushes himself up to a sitting position, back and head against the wall and takes stock of himself.  He carefully wipes the slobber from his chin and the drying tears from his face.  He runs a light finger over his ears and can feel the burns from the clips.  He feels the same burns on his chest and swears silently as his fingers run over his now mutilated nipples.   He pulls up the right side of his shirt and line of blood is running down from the wound, a couple of the stitches being pulled from the jerking of his body.  It’s at this point he looks at his fingers, the tips burned like his ears and chest.  The last thing he notices is the large wet stain on the front of his pants.  He shifts again, groaning at that feeling. 

            “Fuck.”  He mumbles as he tries to sit up straight. 

            He glances at the table, looking for the saline solution and sees the pile of clean clothes and toiletries.  Groaning again, he knows he needs to get himself cleaned up and the wound in his side fixed, so he forces down the pain and stands up.  He wobbles for a moment, forgetting his boots were removed and he almost falls face first when his weight is put on the injured foot. 

            “Son-of-a-bitch!”  He lets out as he grabs at the footboard on the bed.  The pain shoots up from his foot, travelling up his leg and settling in his lower back.  He takes a deep breath, gritting his teeth and gripping the bed frame tightly, his knuckles turning white.  Looking down, he sees the bare foot, still wrapped in the tape and wondering why they removed his boots.  Getting his bearings, he slowly strips down, throwing the clothes into the trash can, after retrieving the few items they let him keep from the pockets.  He grins, for just a moment, when he looks at the pants they gave him.  He hasn’t worn a pair of true cargo pants in years.  He hobbles over to the sink, turns the water on and begins to clean the wound on his side, and when done, threads the needle and re-stitches the wound where they’d pulled out.  

            Barely able to stand, he moves to the small shower area, turns on the water and carefully cleans the rest of his body off, never fully stepping under the flowing water but cleaning the stink of his own urine, sweat and blood off.  Once clean, he dries off, wrapping the towel around his waist and completes an abbreviated bathroom ritual.  He wishes they would give him a razor, but knows that won’t happen.  He makes sure the new wounds are clean, bandages them as best he can and then picks up the clean clothing.  

            A knock, and then opening of the door, surprises him.  No one’s ever knocked before. 

            “I’m to give you a close shave.”  The young girl who’d wired him up walks in, razor and shaving cream in her hand. 

            “Uh, can I get dressed?”

            “After I finish.  Sit down.”  She motions to the bed. 

            He sits, knowing if he refuses, it could be seen as breaking their agreement, and he can’t do that.  He’s nervous as she spreads the shaving cream, taking care not to get it in the wound on his cheek.  He actually closes his eyes as she carefully, yet skillfully, removes the five day growth on his face. 

            When she finishes, she gives him a warm washcloth to wipe off his face and then gathers her tools. 

            “Maybe, one day, they’ll trust you to do this yourself.  Until then, I will be your personal barber.”  She smiles and leaves the room.

            _And torturer, too._

Slowly, Steve dresses himself, glad to be in clean clothing.  He wonders why he was not given clean socks, but that doesn’t stop him from slipping his boots on over bare feet.  He needs the extra support of the boot on the injured foot. 

            Once dressed, he sits down on the bed and wonders what will happen now.  He’d barely heard her comment about visiting him later tonight, but he knows it won’t be just to talk. 

            He doesn’t have long to wait.  He doesn’t move from the bed as he hears the door open and sound of footsteps. 

            “Good evening, Commander.”  Lyssa says, standing in front of him.  Not looking up, he sees another set of feet, male, and the legs of a chair.  The chair is placed not more than two feet in front of him.  Her feet move in front of the chair as she sits down, crossing her right over her left leg. 

            “Good evening.”  He replies, lifting his head and looking her in the eye. 

            She smiles at him, licking her lips.  “Amazing what a shave will do for you.  You look good, all cleaned up.” 

            Steve hears the door close and they are alone.  He smirks at her.  “I aim to please.”  Sarcasm laces his voice. 

            “Oh, don’t be that way, Commander.  I promise you, there will be no more pain for today.”  She smiles warmly at him. 

            “That depends on your definition of pain.”  His eyes have never left hers. 

            “Oh, I don’t think what I have in mind can be described as painful.  It is usually quite pleasurable…at least for most people.” 

            Steve continues to stare at her, not believing she’s going to try and go through with this.  He understands what she wants and how the physical side of it works, but in this situation, there’s no way he could even consider being turned on or get an erection in any manner. 

            He hears the door open again and more footsteps.  His eyes never leave hers.  She continues to stare at him as a small table is places next to them with a couple bottles of beer and a chilling bottle of champagne. 

            “I know how much you like your beer, Commander, so I thought we could just sit and talk for a bit while you enjoy a couple bottles.  Don’t let it be said we can’t be gracious.”  She smiles courteously at him. 

            Steve glances at the bottles, caps tight, not looking tampered with.  The man opens the champagne and pours a glass for her and places it back in the ice bucket.  Hearing the door close, he continues to stare at her, not sure what her game is. 

            “What do you want to talk about?” 

            “Well, how about you tell me why you’re doing this?”  She lifts the glass, taking a small sip, meeting his gaze. 

            “You know why.  I told you.”

            She shakes her head.  “Oh, there’s more to it than just simply keeping a young girl from being killed.”  She takes another drink.  “Go ahead, Commander.  They haven’t been opened.  What purpose would that serve?”

            Never taking his eyes off her, he reaches out, takes one of the bottles and tests the lid.  Feeling it on tight, he realizes he needs to trust their word that they have no desire to kill him and opens the bottle.  Hearing the pop and fizz, he decides its okay and takes a long drink, emptying almost half the bottle.  _God knows I can certainly use some alcohol here._

            “So, again, why are you here?”

            “To save a young, innocent girl from being murdered.”

            She laughs, loud and throaty.  “Oh, dear, you are so entertaining.  You will keep me amused.  And since I must stay here and keep an eye on you, that is important.”

            Steve takes another drink, looking her up and down and smiles.  “Not sure why you find that amusing.  It’s the truth.”

            “It wasn’t even your child, Commander.  Why would you put yourself in this position for someone else’s child?”

            “She’s family.”  His voice is firm, as if this explains it all.

            “Ah, yes.  You and your “o’hana”.  I’ve always found that idea to be a bit farfetched.  I understand non-blood family but the way it is almost religious is a little much.”

            “If you don’t have it, you can’t understand it.”  He puts down the empty bottle, looking at her again.  _She is a very beautiful woman._  

            “I guess not.  Still…a bit extreme to submit yourself to all this.  Is it really worth it?”  She smiles at him.

            _Wow.  She really is gorgeous!  Wait, what?_ Steve looks at her, unable to keep the thoughts of how beautiful she is from crashing into his head. 

            Again, “She’s family.”  He watches as she uncrosses her right leg and re-crosses left over right. 

            “You’ve said that.”  She takes another sip from her champagne. 

            He studies her, not sure what she wants.  “You’ve obviously done your homework on me.  You know I will do anything to keep my family, my o’hana, safe.  I will not allow a young, **innocent** girl to be killed to keep her father from testifying.  She has nothing to do with this.  So, I made the offer, you accepted and here we are.”

            She laughs, “Oh, my dear Commander, you are definitely a throwback!  So chivalrous!  A dashing white knight in shining armor.  Oh!  That makes this SO much nicer.  I’ve never had a white knight.”  She licks the traces of champagne off her lips.

            Steve watches her tongue move over her lips and he’s entranced.  Without thinking, he picks up the second bottle, opens it and takes a drink.  He notices her watching him intently and he uses that to try and make her uncomfortable…so he tells himself. 

            He runs his eyes over her, noticing everything about her.  He starts at her feet, noticing the stiletto heels, which make her legs look longer than they already are; up her shapely calves, over her knees and up the extensive amount of thigh showing before her red skirt stops his eyes from seeing any more; he moves over the skirt, noticing how it hugs her hips and narrow waist; then moving up her body to round, full breasts encased in what must be a black bra covered by a semi-sheer white, curve-hugging blouse which is unbuttoned enough to show an aggressive amount of cleavage.  His eyes stop on her neck, the urge to caress and kiss it almost overwhelming.

            Steve shakes his head, violently, trying to figure out where these thoughts are coming from. 

            She laughs again, and it sounds like music to his ears.  “I knew you would need a little help.  Don’t worry, it won’t hurt you.”

            “But…but the bottles were sealed.”  He moves back on the bed, but he can’t help but feel an overwhelming attraction to her. 

            “Yes, they were not tampered with.  At least, not on the inside.”

            Steve looks at the bottle in his hand the then throws it across the room watching it smash against the wall, the liquid inside splattering all over. 

            Lyssa stands and quickly sits down next to him.  “You have more than enough in your system right now with just the one bottle.  Don’t worry, **Steve** , I guarantee you will enjoy the evening I have planned.  Don’t fight it.”  She places her hand on his thigh. 

            Steve tries to move away, but between the drug and his injuries, he’s unable to move quickly.  Her hand on his thigh is hot, sending a jolt through his body but settling in his crotch.  He breathes in deeply, not truly understanding how his body is betraying him but he can’t help the physical reaction. 

            “It’s all over the label.  You held that first bottle for at least 5 minutes.”  She moves her hand up his thigh, thumb almost resting in the crease between his leg and torso, fingers splayed over his inner thigh. 

            He wants to shove her away, get up and as far away from her as possible but, again, that would be breaking the agreement.  He knew this was a possibility with the way she was looking him up and down at their first meeting but he figured she would get bored when he didn’t respond.  He hadn’t counted on her drugging him and taking away his ability to control his reactions. 

            “Don’t fight it, Steve.  This can be pleasurable for us both.  Very pleasurable.”  She slides her hand over his crotch and all but purrs in his ear as she feels his semi-hard cock.  “This can be a bit of enjoyment amongst all the pain you’re going to experience.  You perform well and I can make sure that pain remains at a bearable level.”  She caresses him, feeling the drug take effect and his cock react to her touch.

            Steve, in the back of his mind completely repelled, tries to control his reaction but she feels so good.  It’s been so long since he’s had sex with anyone other than himself but he still doesn’t like the fact that he can’t control himself.  He feels her lean into him, her lips lightly touching his neck, her smell filling his nostrils and her tongue licking gently at his skin. 

            He locks his jaw and bites back a groan that threatens to escape his lips as the pressure on his neck, and cock, increases. 

            “Relax, Steve.  Enjoy this.  It’s going to happen no matter what.”  She removes her hand from his cock and places it against his face, turning it to look at her.  She smiles and he suddenly feels her lips on his.  As disgusted as he is he can’t stop himself from reacting and kissing her back.  _Whatever this is that she gave me, it’s powerful._ He kisses her but doesn’t move.

            “Oh, that won’t stop me, Steve.  There was little sedative in with the aphrodisiac so you would relax.  I have no problem doing most of the work, tonight.  But in the future…”  She whispers in his mouth.  Then her lips are back on his, her tongue in his slightly slack mouth and he can’t help but become a little more aroused. 

            “You just sit there and enjoy what I’m going to do to you.   See how I can make you feel amidst all this pain and I think you will come to crave what little solace I can give you going forward.”  He feels her hands on his sides, sliding his shirt up over his head but leaving it on his arms, over his biceps behind his back.  She gently runs her hands over his chest, being careful not to aggravate any of his injuries.  She pushes him back against the wall as her hands move down his torso to the waist of his pants. 

            Steve wants to struggle against every touch of her hands and fingers but he finds the mixture of drugs too much.  He’s unable to make any real move against her as she opens his pants, her fingers teasing along the lines in his underwear.  She reaches for the waist of his cargos, pulling them down.

            “Lift your hips, Steve.  This IS happening.  Please don’t make me bring pain into this.”  Her hand moves over the long wound in his side.  “But I will.”  She puts a small amount of pressure on the stitches he had to re-do just a couple of hours ago and he hisses.  Using all his energy, he lifts his hips slightly off the bed, allowing her to slip the pants down.  _Why’d she even give me clean clothes if all she was gonna do was come in here and take them off me?  Why not just leave me naked?_

            She grins up at him as if she can read his mind.  “I like the seduction.  Just makes everything so much more playful.”  She slips the boots off his feet and then the pants completely off him.  She crouches in front of him, hands caressing up and down his thighs. 

            He can’t help but watch as she stands before him and sheds skirt and blouse and stands before him in bra and panties.  As a man, he certainly appreciates the beauty before him, but as a prisoner, he finds it unseemly.  But his body reacts and he can feel himself becoming harder as she does a sexy dance for him before straddling his legs and sitting down on his crotch. 

            “I LOVE how this drug works.  Not quite as aggressive as Viagra but just as effective.”  She grinds her hips down on him and his body betrays him by reacting.  He tries to think of anything to douse his reaction but nothing works.  He closes his eyes, thinking about why he’s doing this and that he must go through with this, no matter what. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments are welcome. Our boy is definitely in a bad situation and it is going to get worse before it can get any better. Much worse. Be prepared. Please let me know what you think. The Dark Muse has been conspicuously absent and needs some coaxing back from her extended vacation. Your comments will help. Thank you...


	5. Will He Be Able to Survive?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of his night with Lyssa, Steve wonders just how long he will last. Danny starts to wonder what's going on, but is reassured with a quick contact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter. Please note there is some explicit sexual content. I am hoping to get back to updating this one on a regular basis.

** Chapter 5: **

            Steve rolls over, pulling the blanket up over his shoulder, and stares into the empty room.  He hasn’t been able to sleep since she left.  He’d fallen into a doze after she’d finished with him and had laid next to him but when she slipped out of bed, dressed and left the room, he hasn’t been able to fall back to sleep.  He feels as though he’s now been dosed with some kind of amphetamine.  His mind is buzzing and he can’t shut it down. 

            Right after she walked out the door and he heard it close and lock, he’d gone to the shower, turned on the water as hot as he could handle it, covered his two major wounds and stepped in  letting the water burn away any trace of her.  He’d scrubbed and scrubbed until his skin was raw, dried himself off, stripped the bed of the sheets and lay down, covering himself with the thin blanket. 

            Now, as he stares at the bare wall, he feels the bile start building in his gut, moving up his throat and he bounds out of the bed to the toilet as it spews from his mouth.  He wretches violently as his thoughts keep going over what she had done to get her own pleasure.  The one thing she couldn’t control was his ejaculation, which did not happen.  That had deflated while he was in the shower.  He hadn’t even wanted to fist himself to completion cause that would mean accepting what she’d done.  No, he simply let it go while the water washed everything away.  But that still doesn’t stop the disgust of what had happened.  She had straddled him, slid down over his involuntary erection and ridden it to a satisfying orgasm for her.  As they lay in the bed, he knew she could still feel his erection and she had ridden it to a second orgasm and all but passed out next to him.  Again, he just laid there, no ejaculation, no enjoyment.  That was when she’d slipped out. 

            Rinsing out his mouth in the sink, he limps back over to the bed and crawls back in.  He closes his eyes and tries to think of his o’hana…of their smiles and laughter and the fact that they are all safe.  He tries to use that to lull himself to sleep…and it does until the reality of where he is invades his dreams and they turn into nightmares. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            Danny, sitting in his office, sends another text to Steve.  He hadn’t received a reply the day before and he is concerned.  He doesn’t like it when Steve goes off on his own, even for something as inane as this, but Steve knows it drives him mad if he doesn’t get any response.

            So, he sends another text, after having tried calling earlier this morning and leaving a very long rant on his voicemail, he vows to send a text every hour until he hears from him.  If he doesn’t by this evening, spring break be damned, he will be on a flight to LA. 

            As if his mind is being read, his phone buzzes at him.  Pulling up the message, he smiles. 

            <<Sorry, buddy.  Was engaged until late, dropped exhausted to bed.  Case going well.  Don’t worry.>>

            Danny smiles, sends back a warning.  <<Don’t make me wait so long.  Next time, I’m on a plane.>>

            He puts his phone down as Grace walks in, little brother in tow. 

            “Well, don’t you two look ready to go.”

            “You said we were going to the beach this morning.  So, here we are.”

            “Yes, that is what I said.  Okay.  Give me two minutes to change and we’ll be off to the beach!”  He ruffles Charlie’s hair and gives Grace a quick peck on the cheek. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            “Very good, Commander.  We’ll just make sure to answer in a more expedient manner next time.”  The large man, who goes by Mano, says, putting down the phone on the table next to him. 

            “If you want him to stay completely away, you’ll let me talk to him.”  Steve looks challengingly into Mano’s eyes. 

            “We will consider that…next time.”  He smiles.  “So, I hear you had quite a time with Lyssa last night?”

            “Well, she did.”  Steve snaps back.  They had him up early due to the phone message and texts.  His sleep was plagued with nightmares and terrors of his o’hana being tortured and killed, so he is just a little grumpy. 

            “Yes, well, you will discover she is quite the amazing lover, if given the chance.  You can really have an enjoyable time with her, Commander, if you just allow it to happen.  Don’t fight it.”

            “I didn’t fight her, okay.  She had her good time…twice.”

            “I know that, but it’s so much more enjoyable when both are involved.  And believe me, she let it slide this time, but she won’t next time.  My suggestion is to just give in to the drugs and enjoy yourself.”

            Steve stares at him.  “You’re telling me, against everything I believe in, to just go ahead and fuck a total stranger?  Someone who is holding me prisoner and torturing me for her own entertainment?  I’m sorry, but that just takes away from any enjoyment I could even consider.”

            Mano walks over and towers over Steve, glaring at him.  “Well, first, I suggest you not think of it as a mere fuck; second,  think of someone you do want to _fuck_ ; and three, enjoy it as much as she does to avoid having it cut off.”

            Steve glowers at him, daring him to make a move.  “Well, with the options on your “special” wheel, that may happen before she even gets a chance.”  His eyes never waver; never leave Mano’s. 

            Mano smiles, evil in his eyes.  “Don’t worry, McGarrett, Lyssa won’t let that happen.  She’ll make sure that if anyone is gonna cut it off, it’ll be her.” 

            “Well, that makes me feel better.”  Sarcasm laces his response.  “Not sure how I’m gonna stitch that wound up, though.”

            Mano laughs.  “Oh, she will make sure that doesn’t happen before she’s done with you.  You can count on that.  But to avoid any other major injuries, you should just give her what she wants.  She will get it, one way or another.”  He straightens up, laughing and walks out of the room. 

            Steve leans back on his elbows, head against the wall and sighs.  It’s only been a week and he just doesn’t know how much more he can take.  Of course, he’ll keep going for as long as he can for his family, but he just doesn’t know how much his body will withstand before giving in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those who are hanging in on this one. As said at the beginning, I am hoping to get back to more regular updates and some longer chapters. Again, any and all comments are welcome! The muse loves to know what you think...


	6. Rape?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve experiences the worst day of his life and loses a most important piece of himself he'd hoped to save for Danny. How will he survive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!!  
> This chapter contains explicit non-consensual rape. M/M, F/M. I am posting this warning before this chapter. Continue at your own choosing. I state again I do not own any H50 characters and this is merely a figment of my twisted muse and imagination. Things will get worse for Steve before they get any better.

**Chapter Six:  Rape?**

The next couple of days go as expected, with more pain and blood but nothing he can’t handle.  

He looks in the mirror at the new cut from his collar bone down to just under his breastbone and the bruises on his face and neck.  He had actually been given a chance to defend himself against the freak with the knife this time but he still got him once.  

Yesterday he almost thought he was a goner.  The damn wheel had landed on strangulation and he almost balked.  His mind went to him hanging in the middle of the room while they played with him.  

It was much worse.  

He was sitting in the chair and the ‘winner of the day’ walked over, a sadistic smile in his face and stood in front of him.  

“Well, well, well.  I am going to enjoy this.”  He grins, rubbing his hands together and cracking his knuckles.  “Keep in mind, you cannot, in any way, try and stop me.”  He’d chuckled.  

Steve, not blinking or looking away, sneers at him, “And you remember, your goal is not to kill me.  Keep in mind what happens to the one who does.”  He all but growls out.  

“Oh, I know.  But it’s gonna be a lot of fun getting you as close as I can!”  

He reaches out, placing his hands around Steve’s neck and looks directly in his eyes.  

Steve shakes his head and turns from the mirror, not wanting to remember what it felt like to almost have the life choked out of him.  Picking up the saline bottle, he carefully cleans out his wounds, giving special care to the one on his side.  It’s showing signs of infection and he needs to keep that from occurring.  He knows they will not give him any kind of antibiotics so he must do his best.  Drying himself off, he limps over to the bed, pulls on his pants and shirt, slips on his boots and sits down to lace them up.  Slowly, he sits back against the wall, wondering what today will bring.  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

“Welcome back, bruddah!”  Chin grins as Danny walks in the doors.  

“’Sup, Chin?  You keep the kids in line while I was gone?”  He smiles, walking over and holding out his hand.  Giving him a hug, he looks around.  “Speaking of the kids, where is everyone?”

“Well, with “Mom and Dad” both gone, they are out getting into all kinds of mischief.”  Chin grins big. 

“Come on, Chin.  Where are they?  What’s going on?”  Danny looks around.  “Seems pretty dead in here.”  
“Not much going on, Danny.  Really.  Been quiet the last few days.  Guess the bad guys didn’t know you AND Steve were both gone.”

“DON’T even say that, Chin.  I don’t wanna think what would happen if they all knew the crazy, impulsive, ninja, Navy SEAL was off the island.  We’d be knee-deep in shit!”  Danny turns, heading for his office.  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Hearing the door open, Steve opens his eyes and sits up.  He continues to stare at the floor as the footsteps draw near.  Turning his head, he glares at the ugly brute standing before him.  

“Let’s go, McGarrett.  Time to play.  Can’t wait to see what happens today!”  He reaches for Steve’s arm.  

“Touch me and you’ll be pulling back a nub.”  He grumbles out.  

“Hey, hey!  Don’t get so touchy!  Just thought you might need some help standing up.”  The guy backs off.  

“Don’t worry about me.  Lead the way.”  He grunts as he stands, following out into the “playroom”.  

He immediately feels a different vibe as he walks to his chair and sits down.  The anticipation is palpable as he looks around the room.  He sees Lyssa stand and walk to the special wheel.  

“Today, we are going to do things a little differently.  We are going to spin the wheel first and then you get to play.  This way you will know what you will be playing for and maybe just get a few ideas for when you win.”  She grins wickedly.  She touches the wheel and they all watch as it spins around.  

She laughs loudly when it stops.  “Sexual gratification!  Oh this should be good!”  She continues to laugh as she sits back down next to Manu.  

He looks around the room, the ramifications of that torture sinking in:  ten male and only three female.  His odds are not good.  He watches as they all gather around the table, hoping to win their chance at him.  

“Low card is out until there is one left standing!”  The ugliest calls out, slapping a deck of cards on the table.  

Steve watches as, one-by-one, they are eliminated and he grimaces when the last girl steps away, obvious disappointment on her face.  The three left standing are his worst nightmare, being the biggest and the ugliest.  His whole body shudders at what they have in mind for their “sexual gratification”.  Closing his eyes, he doesn’t want to see who wins.  No matter, he knows it’s gonna be bad.  

“Winner!”  He hears shouted as the cheers resound through the room.  Opening his eyes, his worst fear is realized.  It is the biggest and ugliest of them all and he’s smiling like the cat that just ate the canary.  Steve keeps eye contact as the brute walks over, stopping just in front of him, grinning big.  

“I hope you’re ready, McGarrett.  I am going to enjoy this more than you will ever know.  I’ve been hoping for this since day one!”  He steps forward, reaching for the SEAL.  

“Stop!”  Mano’s voice rings out in the room.  “I am using my veto on this one.”  He stands up and walks over to the two of them.  

Steve sighs to himself, thinking that he’s gonna get out of this one.  His blood freezes with the next sentence.  

“ **I** want to be the one who gets this satisfaction.”  He laughs, signalling for the narrow table in the room to be brought over.  

Steve glances at Lyssa, hoping she might say something but she just grins at him, licking her lips in anticipation.  He looks at the table as it’s moved into place; his breathing speeds up and his heart picks up its pace.  

“Stand up.”  Mano demands, removing his jacket.  Steve justs sits there, not believing what is happening.  He knew it could, but never believed Lyssa would allow this to happen.  He didn’t peg her to be this cold-hearted.  

“ **Stand up!** ”  He bellows, directing a glance at Steve that says he best obey or this will all be for naught.  

Slowly, Steve stands, leaning to his side to take the weight off his bad foot.  Glancing around, all he sees are faces filled with anticipation of the “fun” to come...at his expense.  “You don’t have to do this, Mano.  Everyone knows you to be the alpha male here.  You have nothing to prove.”  Steve tries to derail this situation.  

Mano leans into him, hand on his shoulder, squeezing hard.  “I know that.  This has nothing to do with proving anything.  I just want to show you how much more pleasant this is with Lyssa.  Maybe then you’ll decide to interact with her on a more regular basis.”  He smiles, pushing Steve to the table, moving right up behind him.  

Steve can feel the large man’s body up against his and he shivers.  He can’t allow this to happen.  This is not the way he was to lose his “virginity”.  That was to be Danny’s.  Oh, he’d messed around and had many mutual mastubation sessions in his time in the Navy, but never any penetration.  He had become known for his talented mouth and that had been enough.  Now he’s about to have this taken away and he can’t allow it.  He struggles against Mano, not caring if he’s breaking his agreement or not.  He cannot allow this to happen.  

Mano, feeling his reluctance, grabs him by the hair and pulls his head up.  “I was hoping you would make this at least a little pleasurable for yourself.  I see I was incorrect.  This is going to happen, McGarrett.  Make no mistake.”  He shoves Steve down on the table, which happens to be just at the right height, as if made for this.  

Steve continues to struggle, pushing up against the table, insisting to himself that this is NOT going to happen:  it can’t.  

Suddenly, lights flash before his eyes and stars dance around.  The fist that hit him just below his neck, right between his shoulders, surprises him and he goes down face first on the table.  He feels Mano lean over him, his excitement obvious as he ruts against Steve’s ass.  

“You are just making this worse for yourself, McGarrett.  Since you are not going to do this the easy way, I guess we are going to have to do this the hard way.”  He hisses in Steve’s ear.  Holding him down, he pulls up Steve’s shirt, stripping it off over his head, keeping him pressed down against the table.  “Since this is sexual gratification, I think all parties will need to experience this.  You are going to need some help.”  He holds out his hand and a syringe is placed in his palm.  Without wasting any time, he plunges it into the space between Steve’s neck and shoulder, pushing the plunger down all the way.  Pulling it out as Steve screams, he chuckles, keeping his hand on the back of Steve’s head.  

As soon as the syringe is pulled out, Steve can feel the drugs start to affect him.  This more direct access has them working quickly.  He can feel himself relaxing and, as Mano all but rips his pants off him, the sexual stimulation begin.  He shakes his head as it begins to fill with cotton and fog, but they won’t go away.  He can feel Mano’s hands all over his back and ass, squeezing and pinching...hard.  Never one for pain, he’s surprised to find himself reacting to this and his previously completely limp cock starts to spring to attention.  He tries to think of anything but what is going on but that is just not possible as the hands continue their torture and the whispers in his ear continue.  

“It didn’t have to be this way.  I could have made this pleasant for you.  Could have made this not hurt so much.  But now?  I have no patience for disobedience, McGarrett.  This is just the beginning of your training.”  

Steve hears a zipper being opened and the hard member rubbing up against his ass.  He tries to struggle away but finds he can’t move.  He tries to speak but only mumbles and gurgles come out.  He closes his eyes to the tears he can feel forming, squeezing them tight, refusing to allow one single tear to escape.  

“You know, I shouldn’t be the only one to enjoy you today, McGarrett.  Gar, get over here.  You did win, after all!”  Mano yells out, motioning with his free hand to the big, ugly brute who had won the competition.  “I am still getting this fresh, virgin ass but I hear that this SEAL has a great mouth.  Why don’t you fill that up while I fill him from behind?  I think he’ll enjoy that.  Won’t you, McGarrett?”  He laughs deep and hearty.  

Steve feels a big hand grab his hair and pull his head up, his chin just hanging over the edge of the narrow table.  “You bite him or even scratch him with your teeth, I will break your jaw in several places, fuck you until you're raw and bleeding and then I will pick up that bat over there and finish the job.  And I won’t be using the narrow end.”  Mano hisses in his ear.  

Steve opens his eyes and sees Gar coming toward him, unzipping as he gets closer.  Steve gags as he sees the large, gnarly-looking penis that springs to life and closes his mouth tight.   _ There’s no way that thing is getting in my mouth! _  he thinks, still trying to move but getting nowhere.  

“Mona, get over here.  I think our ‘guest’ needs some motivation.”  He yells at one of the girls.  The one who’d given Steve the shave, Kayla, steps back in the shadows, hiding from Mano’s sight.  “Get under the table and help him along.  I’m pretty sure the drugs have taken effect and he’s more than ready.”  

Moving quickly, before Mano changes his mind, Mona slides under the table, kneeling before Steve’s semi-hard cock and takes it into her mouth.  The shock of that has Steve gasping, opening his mouth and giving Gar the chance he needs.  He grabs Steve by the jaw, sticking his fingers in before he can close it.  Steve tries to fight it, but the drugs have him feeling almost paralyzed at this point that all he can do is grunt.  

He hears that hiss in his ear again.  “You like what Mona is doing to you right now?  Huh?  She’s not gonna stop until you cum all over her.  Not like what happened before.  You are not gonna be able to control it this time.  And between Gar in your mouth and me in your ass, you’re gonna learn your lesson for the future.  There will be no resisting; no fighting this.  You will submit to whatever we want.  If this is what we want, you will be our toy.  If you want those kids back home to stay safe you will do it and LIKE it.”  He laughs in Steve’s ear.  “Now, you ARE going to suck Gar off, and you better make it good, while I have fun back here.  I was gonna have Karlina get me some lube, but with your  **insubordination** the only lube your gonna get is what’s on the condom.  You need to learn your place, McGarrett.  We’ve let you slide but no more.  You are our toy and we will play with you ALL we want!”  

Steve hears the snap of a latex glove and before he can think, he feels two fingers invade his ass, being shoved in as deep as they can go.  He tries to scream but his mouth is filled with Gar’s large cock, the head being shoved as far as it will go and gagging him as it hits the back of his throat.  His scream is effectively stifled as his body suddenly goes into sensory overload.  He tries to think of anything but what is going on, but the pleasurable feelings from Mona’s mouth on his now fully erect cock keep him fully aware of what’s happening.  

He is unable to stop the tears from flowing now as the fingers are removed and he feels the head of a large cock push against his burning anal ring and he immediately tenses up.  

“That’s it, McGarrett.  Tense up all you want.  Will just make it hurt more.  Oh, that’s it.  I love it!”  Mano grunts as he puts all his weight against the ass in front of him and the head pops in.  

Steve grunts loudly, the pain almost unbearable.  He’d never considered something like this when he’d volunteered to take Grace’s place.  He figured they’d just beat on him until the got bored and then leave him alone for awhile.  This never entered his mind when he agree to do anything they wanted.  The tears flow freely now as the pain ramps up as the cock in his ass is shoved in all the way to the balls.  The one in his mouth continues to pump in and out, the animal attached to it grunting louder with each thrust.  Between the pain in his throat and the burning in his ass, he can barely feel the mouth working on his still erect cock.  He can feel the orgasm building in his groin, against everything he wants and he wishes he could stop it.  Control it.  But the sensory overload is too much.  He can’t concentrate on that when he feels Mano start thrusting away, the condom giving no real lubrication at all.  He can feel every inch of the cock invading his ass;  he wants to scream out but can’t do that, either.  At one point, they both shove in as far as they can, Mano’s balls slapping against his ass and Gar’s cock cutting off any air.  

“Come on, McGarrett.  You’re a Navy SEAL!  How long can you hold your breath?  Shall we time him?”  Mano laughs out, seeing the strain in Steve’s neck and the red in his face.  He pushes against him, trying to get as much inside the SEAL as possible.  “Not yet, Gar.  Let’s see just how far he can go.”  

Steve struggles for air as the pain begins to numb, the nerves being damaged by the intruders at both ends.  He can’t even feel the mouth on his cock, the rest of his body trying to compensate for the lack of oxygen.  He tries to reach out and push Gar away, but his hands won’t move.  He can’t pull his head away for the hand on the back, holding it in place and the two on each side, holding it steady.  He gags, trying to find any way to get air as the darkness starts to crowd into his sight.  

A bright white light fills his eyes as he breathes deep when the “blockage” is removed from his throat.  He still feels it in his mouth but he can breathe.  He takes in a deep breath through his nose, his eyes blinking away the tears and a light-headedness comes over him as the oxygen fills his lungs.  

“Not bad, McGarrett, not bad.”  Mano hisses in his ear.  “Next time we’ll try longer.”  He chuckles as he starts to thrust in and out again.   He feels the monster in his mouth start moving in and out again, the two getting into a rhythm.  The mouth on his cock adopts the rhythm of the other two and he feels his impending orgasm building, as much as he tries to hold it back.  

As if planned, he feels his balls tighten up as the ones slapping against his chin do the same.  The cock in his mouth pushes all the way in and without warning, he feels the burning of hot liquid shoot down his throat as Gar screams in pleasure above his head.  Without the same warning, he feels his own ejaculation begin as he explodes all over the young woman below.  He manages to keep himself from groaning in pleasure as she milks him dry, his own mouth the repository of Gar’s last drops.  

Finally, the limp piece of meat is pulled from his mouth and he wants to spit out as much as he can but a rough hand under his jaw clamps his mouth shut.  “Swallow it, SEAL!  There is no spitting in this room!”  Gar commands, stretching his head up to look him in the eye.  “SWALLOW!”  He screams, laughter filling the room.  

Steve, unable to do anything else, swallows the vile liquid, his entire body shaking and bumping as Mano continues to thrust into him.  The pain is almost gone, the cock moving much easier now.  He almost cries out as he realizes what is lubricating the action and knows that it will be painful for him to sit or even take a shit for days to come.  He grunts loudly as his jaw is released and slams against the table.  His eyes go wide as Mona slides out from underneath, her hair and face covered in his white goo.  She stands up, smiling big, her arms out to the side as if in victory.  He watches as Karlina walks over and starts licking it off Mona’s face and two of them start making out.  

“Enjoy the show, McGarrett.  Watch them as I fuck you raw.  All I can see when I look down is red covering the condom and making it so much easier for me to thrust deep into you.”  He hears in his ear.  “I have great control so I can do this for hours.  What kind of damage do you think will be done?  Huh?  What kind of shape do you think your asshole will be in after hours of having my hard, huge cock in it?”  Mano thrusts harder and Steve knows his hips will be a mass of bruises by morning.  

A whine escapes his mouth, his inability to stop it humiliating him and he knows he can’t take much more of this.  He relaxes his entire body, willing himself to go completely limp, hoping that might give Mano cause to finish up.  Hope springs eternal.  

“Finally, McGarrett.  That’s it.  Just relax and enjoy.  This may be the first time, but it most certainly won’t be the last!”  Mano states as he speeds up.  “Franco!  Johnny!  Get over here and hold the table.  This is gonna be a lesson he is never gonna forget!”  Mano screams as he pounds harder against Steve, not caring what kind of damage he does.  Steve realizes that all he wants now is Mano’s pleasure...his release.  As the two come over and grab the ends of the table, Steve feels rough hands grab at his hips, holding them firm as the the thrusts become harder and faster.  He can hear Mano’s breathing speeding up as he nears his climax.  He feels a hand grasp the back of his hair, pulling his head up and he finds himself looking directly into Lyssa’s face.  She smiles as the angle of his head makes it hard for him to breath and she knows it  He can feel the darkness surrounding him again as the the thrusts become more pronounced until finally the hands on his hips grab him firmly, the pain from the fingers digging into his pelvis; the body slamming into him from behind; and the hand in his hair, holding his head at an ungainly angle and he gives in to the darkness.  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Kayla looks on, watching as Mona slides under the table and begins to suck Steve’s cock.  She moves back against the wall, into the shadows to avoid Mano’s gaze.  She knew they had some horrible things planned but this was beyond her comprehension.  She squirms, knowing just how uncomfortable this will be for Steve as she went through her ‘initiation’ only a few weeks ago.  She knows just how big Mano is and what kind of damage he can do.  Moving quickly, she sidles up to Lyssa’s side and requests to go and get the first aid supplies she knows Steve will need after this.  She knows Lyssa does not want him to bleed out or get a massive infection from this and as Lyssa agrees, she moves quickly, and quietly out of the room, avoiding the worst of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this offended anyone. I warned you at the beginning. Please let me know what you thought and if you want this story to continue. The muse loves the attention and it helps her to inspire faster. Please let her know. Thank you for reading and coming with me on this twisted, dark journey. This is probably going to be the worst. But...who knows?


	7. The Fight To Stay Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Danny becomes more suspicious of Steve's situation, Steve continues to be the toy of those holding him hostage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those who have commented on this story and especially on the previous chapter. That was a hard one to write and I'm glad it's over. I have a special shout-out to Ana and Ivana for their support in this story and an extra-special shout-out to PP for their specific assistance on this chapter. You know which parts.

**Chapter Seven:  The fight to stay alive**

Danny shakes his head again, staring at the computer screen.  The frown on his face gets deeper and deeper as he tries to decipher what he’s reading. 

A knock on his door gets no response so it opens slowly.  “What’s got you so down, Danny?”  Lou asks, stepping inside the office.  

Danny looks up at him and turns the computer his way.  Lou leans over, reading the email carefully.  “I don’t understand, Lou.”  Danny states as Lou stands straight.  

“I thought Steve flew to LA a couple weeks ago to go over his testimony.  What’s this guy mean, “When is he showing up?””

“He did, Lou.  That’s what he called me to tell me at one o’clock in the morning.  He was flying out first thing and he wanted to let me know so I didn’t think he was just going off on his own again.  He wanted me to have the time with the kids.”  Danny shakes his head again.  “If he’s not working with the ADA, then where the hell is he?”

“Calm down, man.  Have you tried calling him?”

“Yeah.  Got his voicemail, as usual.  I don’t like this, Lou.  Something’s not right.  I have a bad feeling about this.”

“We can check him out if you want.  Make sure he got on the plane; see if he’s checked into the hotel; things like that.”

“I don’t wanna seem like an overbearing parent, but do it.  I’ll hold off this ADA until we find out what the hell is going on.”  He looks back at the computer screen.  “If he didn’t want me worrying, he should’ve just told me the truth.”  He murmurs, more to himself than the big man leaving the room.  

“What’s going on, Lou?”  Kono asks, walking up to the table.  

“McGarrett’s not with the ADA in LA.  Don’t know where he is.  Do me a favor, check to make sure he got on that plane to LA, girl?”  Lou stands next to her as her fingers fly over the table, getting any and all information on their boss.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

“A little uncomfortable, McGarrett?”  Mano asks, laughing loudly.  

Steve sits uncomfortably on the solid wooden chair, leaning to one side and then other as he tries to hide his discomfort.  He glares at the big man, not wanting to get on his bad side today.  The last thing he wants is to get on that monster’s bad side again.  He needs to heal first.  

“Awwww, someone seems to be a little grumpy.  Maybe today will be an easy day and you can rest and recover.”  Lyssa says, laughter following the sentence.  

Steve shifts again, grimacing against the pain which stretches from the backs of his thighs all the way up to his neck, the worst being his ass, for obvious reasons.  Again, he keeps his mouth shut.  

“Okay, let’s see what we will have today!”  Mano stands, walking over to the regular wheel and starts it spinning.  “Gonna do it the same way as yesterday so you can figure out what and how you will do whatever comes up.”  He looks around the room, knowing what many want.  They all want to do as much damage to this Navy SEAL as possible.  They’ve never had anyone in this position willingly.  It is intoxicating! 

Steve watches the wheel spinning, hoping for something fairly benign, not sure how much more he can take.  As it slows, he watches as the possibilities go by:  waterboarding; strangulation; the rack; high volume noise; bone breaking; branding and finally landing on flogging.  He takes in a deep breath, wondering how this is going to be handled.  

“Flogging!  Nice!  Now, how shall we decide the winner of this one?  Cards are boring; physical prowess is not fair; neither is intellectual contests.”  She laughs loudly.  “Oh, I have it!  Dice!  We shall play several games of dice until we have a winner.”  Lyssa stands up, walks over to Steve and smiles down at him.  “That could take hours.  Awww, and you will just have to sit in that hard, sturdy chair the entire time.”  She laughs again, turning away and going back to her chair.  

Steve watches in horror and pain as the games start.  He is hoping, once again, that one of the girls wins.  Maybe Kayla and she might not be so harsh.  

Kayla...he thinks back on the day before and a shudder goes through him.  He didn’t think he was going to survive what they put him through and then she appeared, helping as much as she was allowed.  

**20 hours before….**

Consciousness comes slowly back to him, his head still fuzzy and full of fog.  He hopes for a moment that it was all a nightmare until he tried to roll over and stars burst before his closed eyes and every nerve lit up like fireworks on the fourth of July.  The loud groan escaped his lips before he could stop it.  

“Shhh,” a soft voice tries to calm him, “don’t move.  You need to stay still so I can finish.”  Kayla gently places her hand on his shoulder...in one of the few places he doesn’t hurt.  

“What?  Finish what?”  He mumbles out, not trusting her at all.  

“You have a few severe bruises and bite marks on your back along with severe bruising and tearing in your anus.  I’m doing what i can, but I am not a doctor.  You cannot take care of this by yourself and, honestly, it’s too early in this ‘game’ that if you die, Mano will not keep his word.  He will go after the young girl and her whole family if that detective decides to testify.  You NEED to stay alive.”  She states matter-of-factly.  

Steve feels her gentle touch yet still winces each time she touches a bruise or tear in his skin.  He knows she’s right.  He would never have been able to take care of all the damage Mano did only a few hours ago.  Without her help, he would have continued to bleed and most of the bites become infected.  He doesn’t trust her reasons, but he can’t afford to turn her away.  He needs her right now.  

“Thank you.”  He hisses as she moves down his back to his rear end.  “Son-of-a-bitch!”  He almost screams out as her hands move over his ass and her fingers move between the cheeks.  He can feel that she’s trying to be as gentle as she can but even the slightest pressure lights his nerves up like a dry prairie on fire.  He can’t help but try to move his body away from her touch but he’s in too much paid to be able to move much.  

“Hold still, Commander!”  She demands of him.  “Please.”  

Her touch is gentle and he wonders what she did before getting mixed up with this bunch.  “How did you get here?”  

She stops for a moment, contemplating this man before her.  She can see his courage outright but feels there is more.  She wants to tell him her story, hoping maybe he can get her out when he goes.  But she was warned.  He will try to get anyone’s confidence just to use them to secure his life and safety.  She knows nothing about him and cannot trust him.  

“I just did.  Now please, stay still so I can finish cleaning you up.  I’m gonna put some ice on this when I’m done.  That should help.  I’m sure you know how to treat something like this.  I’ll come back every couple of hours to see how you are and what you need.”  

He feels the coolness of the ice as she places it on top of the towel she’d brought with her.  

**Current time…**

“How ya feelin’ there, champ?”  A low, deep voice sounds in his ear.  He can’t help but jump and shudder at the sound.  “You looked to be somewhere else for a minute.  Don’t want you missing a thing here.”  Mano stands straight behind Steve.  He places a hand on Steve’s shoulder, causing the SEAL to jump and shake a bit.  

“Oh, don’t worry, Commander, I have no interest in you...today.  However, I may be in the next few days.  I did so enjoy myself yesterday.  We do have to do that again.”  He chuckles as he caresses the shoulder. 

Every fiber in his being is telling Steve to grab that arm, flip him over and snap his neck.  And it takes all his willpower not to do it.  He just stares at the group at the table as they play for the chance to whip him.   _ What have I done?  It seemed like a such a good idea when I started this.  To keep Grace alive.  Danny would never be able to live without her.  But this?  Waiting to be beaten, tortured and worse.  Cruel and unusual punishment.   _

Steve feels the hand move down, between his back and the wood of the chair and he cringes.  As he feels the hand move lower he can’t help but move forward in the chair, trying to get away from it. 

“Stop it, Mano.  Not today.  You’ll get your turn again, don’t worry.”  Lyssa states, patting the chair next to her.  Mano sighs, pats Steve on his shoulder and joins her.  

Steve watches the ‘game’, not sure how much time passes.  He finds his mind drifting back to Danny and the weekend they’d spent in Atlantic City.  It was the best weekend of his life and now it’s just a memory.  Things will never go any further between him and Danny.  Looking down at the floor, he smiles to himself remembering waking up that Sunday morning, Danny’s head on his shoulder, arm across his chest, hand resting on his ribcage.  They had talked until they both fell asleep.  Nothing had happened but it was one of the best nights of Steve’s life.  He carefully slips his hand in his pocket and rubs the chip; the one thing that connects him to Danny.  

They had gone to get away from Danny’s overbearing family.  They’d had enough and needed the time away.  He’d let Danny drive and found themselves in one of the better hotels in Atlantic City but only one room had been available.  Steve had looked at the big, king-sized bed and had felt uncomfortable and excited at the same time.  He knew he had feelings for Danny but never thought they would be returned so he had buried them deep.  Avoiding the conversation about the sleeping arrangements, he’d suggested for them to go down and see what their luck may bring them.  After hours playing the games, they’d compared their standings.  Danny had one chip left and Steve had lost everything.  Smiling at him, Danny had handed Steve the one chip he had left, his hand lingering a little longer than it should before pulling it away quickly.  Steve had turned and walked into the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed, hanging his head.  He remembers having a nasty headache from all the noise in the casino and he just wanted to close his eyes and go to sleep.  But there was still the sleeping arrangements to work out.  

Feeling a light touch on his temples, he’d looked up and got lost in the deep, blue sea before him.  He remembers at that moment nothing else existed; nothing else mattered but the person kneeling before him, lightly rubbing his temples, trying to sooth the war going on inside his head.  

“You okay, babe?”  Danny had asked.  

He had just sat there, staring into those seas of blue, unable to say word.  Without thinking, he’d leaned forward, resting his forehead against Danny’s, breathing in his breath; nose touching nose; wanting to place his hands on each side of Danny’s head and kiss him, ever so gently.  But before he could, Danny pulled away, “What’s going on, babe?  What are we doing here?”  

That had been the beginning of the long talk; of both of them sitting on the bed and then laying down where they’d fallen asleep.  But it had been done.  They had revealed how they felt about each other; all the repressed feelings until they were too tired to talk any longer.  

And it had been wonderful! 

He’s brought back to the present by the cheers for the winner.  He focuses on the crowd and sees one of the medium built males, not too imposing.  He sighs, hoping this won’t be too bad.  

“Now we will roll to see how many lashes our boy gets!”  Lyssa calls out, standing and walking slowly to Steve.  He watches as the winner rolls the dice again and cheers ring out again.  

“Ten!”  The winner yells.  

“Double that!  He will get twenty lashes!  Now you have to decide:  front or back?”  Lyssa chuckles.  She leans over, staring him in the eyes and smiles.  “Got a proposal for you, McGarrett.  If you can get through all twenty without letting out more than a grunt, I’ll give you the next forty-eight hours off.  No pain, no pleasure.  We will leave you alone.  Think you can do that?  Especially if he chooses front?”  She stands, looking back at the winner.  “What will it be, Enrique?  Huh?”  

He looks at her before speaking.  “Back.  Let’s even him out a bit.”  He grins big, his eagerness obvious.  Steve watches as he walks over, grabs his t-shirt and all but rips it over his head, baring his upper body.  He hears the sniggers and chuckles as they all get a good look at the damage to his body.  

“Stop!”  Mano calls out.  “No, I’m not vetoing again.  But a message was received and we need to take care of this.  I don’t want him sounding so hurt so we will respond before you lash him.”  He stands and walks over to Steve, his cell phone in his hand.  “Listen to the message, McGarrett.  You need to take care of this or a little girl winds up dead.”  He shoves the phone in Steve’s face.  

Steve takes the phone and brings up his voicemail.  

“Steve, what the hell is going on?  I just got an email from the DA in L.A. and he is asking where you are?  When are you gonna get there?  Why is he asking that?  Where are you?  If you don’t call me back in the next twenty-four hours, I will be on a plane to either find you or testify.  Call me.”   He hears Danny’s voice and a lump forms in his throat.  He never thought he’d hear that voice again. 

“Take care of it, McGarrett.  You need to be sure he stays right where he is and that no one looks for you.”  Mano demands. 

“No matter what I say, it won’t stop them looking if they think I’m somewhere else.  That’s just the team.”

“Than you need to make sure they don’t think you’re somewhere you shouldn’t be.  Again, a little girl’s life, and maybe a little boy’s, is in your hands.  Along with your own.  How do you think the detective will handle losing all three of you?”  

Steve glares at Mano, wanting to say something to let Danny know he’s in trouble but then he thinks about those two innocent kids and he can’t.  It will kill Danny to lose one, not to say both.  

“Oh, and put it on speaker.  Want to make sure there is no secret conversation going on.”  Mano places his hand over the phone.  Looking around the room, “Anyone makes a sound and they will be sharing McGarrett’s fate today.”  

They all become quiet at that threat.  Mano removes his hand and nods at Steve.  

Steve takes a deep breath and presses the speed dial.  

“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?”  Comes screaming over the phone.  “What the hell is going on, Steve?  What have you been doing for the last two weeks?  The DA says you’re not there, so where are you?  Why’d you tell me you were going there?  What…”

“Yo, Danny, take a breath.”  Steve stops him.  He can see in his mind the compact man pacing his office, about to explode, free hand clenching and unclenching, about to slam something.  “Stop, Danny.  I’m fine.”  He hears a loud sigh come over the phone.

“Are you?”

“Yes.  I’m sorry to worry you.”

“Yeah, well, everyone here is worried.  You said you’d never just take off again without letting us know.”

“But I didn’t, Danny.  I called you!”

“Yeah, and said you were heading to L.A. to prepare with the DA.  Now I find out you’re not there.  What is going on?”

Steve pauses a moment, trying to come up with just the right lie.  It kills him to have to lie to Danny, but it’s necessary.  “I needed to get away and...think.  You know me, Danny.  Things are moving fast and I needed to take some time.  I knew if I told you I needed time, you would’ve started panicking and getting all negative and would have been no fun with the kids.  So I told you a little white lie to keep you from going all weird on me.”

There is a long pause on the phone.  He can almost hear Danny thinking.  “So, where are you?”  his voice is terse.  

Steve looks up, questioning Mano.  He shrugs back at Steve and smiles.  “I’m on the mainland and that’s all you’re gonna get, Danno.  I don’t need you jumping on a plane and coming after me.  Again, I’m fine.  I will get in touch with the DA and let him know what’s going on.  I’ll be there.  Don’t worry.”

“You know I don’t like it when you go off on your own.  You always get into trouble.  You know how you attract danger.”  

Steve can almost hear Danny relaxing and sitting in his chair behind his desk.  “Yeah, but that’s not the case this time.  I’m just getting my shit together.  When I’m ready, I’ll get to L.A. and take care of this case.  It’s all good.”  Steve takes a deep breath and holds it.  

After what seems like hours, he hears a deep breath on the other end.  “Fine.  Great.  But you keep in touch.  Any more than two days go by with no word from you and I’ll be on a place so fast you will feel the wind wherever you are.”

“OKay, Danny.  You got it.  Might just be a text, but every two days.”

“Good.  Other than that, are we okay?”

Steve closes his eyes against the emotions threatening his sanity.  “Yeah,” his voice almost chokes, “we’re good.  I promise.”

“OKay.  I miss you, you big goof.”

“Miss you, too.”  Steve swallows against the sob in his throat. 

“Take care and I’ll hear from you in two days.”

“You got it.  You, too, Danny.”  He reaches out, hesitating, and hits the END button.  

“Good job, Commander!”  Lyssa cries out, clapping her hands.  “You have him eating out of your hand!” 

“Shut up.  Just shut up and let’s get this over with.”  Steve growls out.  

Calling on his Navy training, Steve shuts down.  As he’s manhandled up on his feet and pushed over to where there are cuffs hanging from the ceiling, his face goes slack, his eyes glaze over as he completely shuts down.  THIS he can prepare for; THIS he can control.  So much of what he’s experienced at the hands of these monsters he’s never gone through before and could not prepare.  This he can.  By the time they have him cuffed and hanging from the ceiling, his heart rate is down to the low 50’s; his blood pressure barely readable and his breathing controlled and slow.  Allowing his head to fall forward, he grasps the chains above the wrist cuffs and lets go, his mind fading to another place and time.  To a time where he was happy...as a child on the beach behind his house, playing with Mary.  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

He grunts as he’s flung on the bed, face down again.  He didn’t pass out this time but as the door closes, the pain rushes in like a storm off the ocean and he can’t help but scream into the pillow.  He has no idea how long the screams last but his voice is almost gone by the time he can stop.  

He lays there, unable to move and feels a light touch on his shoulder.  He turns his head, “Who?”  he grunts out. 

“Shhhh, it’s Kayla.  Just lay there and let me tend to your injuries.”  She tries to sooth him.  “You were amazing out there.  You didn’t make a sound.  They were pretty pissed at you.  They didn’t think you could do it.  I’m impressed, Commander.”  

Steve just mumbles at her as he feels her start to clean the marks on his back and rear end.  Mano had insisted that his ‘markings’ not be mutilated so the lashings started below his shoulder blades and, after ripping his pants off, down over his already injured ass.  

“Well, you get the next two days off, so at least you can get some healing done.  I will warn you, though, they are going to have it out for you when they get you back in that room.  You HAVE to stay alive, Commander.  Understand that.  You MUST remain alive at all costs.  Understand me?”  She tries to impress upon him.  

Turning his head again, “Why?  Mano promised he would honor our agreement, no matter what.”

She sighs, as she continues to clean his wounds.  “He won’t keep that promise.  I heard that if you die in the first two months, he won’t keep it.  So if you want those kids to live, you NEED to stay alive.”

“What?  No, he said he wouldn’t go after them.  No, that’s not acceptable.”  He tries to push himself off the bed.  He grunts/groans out as he gets about two inches off the bed and has to give up.  

“Stay still, Commander!  Let me try and stop the bleeding before you start moving around.  As long as you stay alive, no one else will be hurt.  Please?!”  She pleads with him as he continues to try to move.  

“I have to talk to him.  He can’t do that.”  

“Please, Commander.  If he knows you know he will kill you now and go after them.  You cannot stop him.”

“I have to try.  We have an agreement.”  He tries one more time to push himself off the bed.  

Kayla gently presses down on his shoulders.  He gives in, not having the energy to fight her.  “That doesn’t matter right now.  Oh, he will keep it if you get past the first two months...but no one ever has.  You would be the first.”  She kneels down next to the bed so he can see her.  “So you have to allow me to help you.  They are willing to allow me to do this right now because they don’t believe you will make it to the two month mark and they want to have fun.  Never before have they threatened children and I can’t allow it to happen.  Whatever I can do to be sure those kids are not harmed, I will do.  Okay?  So please, lie still while I tend to these wounds.  A few are really bad and we need to do what we can to keep them from getting infected.  They won’t be bothering you for two days, so let’s use that to your advantage.”  She smiles at him and goes back to cleaning his injuries.  

Steve slowly nods his head, finally taking in what she’s talking about.  If he can get past two months, no matter what happens to him, the kids will be all right...as will Danny.  Just a little more than five weeks.  He can do this!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Danny walks out of his office, a frown on his face.  

“What’s up, son?”  Lou asks, concerned.  “Is Steve okay?”

Danny looks up at him.  “Um, yeah.  He says he is.”

“And?”  Chin questions him.

“I don’t know.  He sounds good; his reason is understandable.  I just have a bad feeling about this, guys.  I don’t know.  What did you find out?”

Kono looks down at the table and pulls up the info.  “He shows as boarding the plane for L.A. and renting a car.  After that, we lose him.  He must’ve deactivated the GPS on the rental before leaving the airport.  Makes sense if he doesn’t want to be found.  Just like he said.”  

Danny nods, agreeing with her assessment.  “Yeah, it all makes sense.  It just doesn’t sit right.”  He looks around at all of them.  

“What do you want us to do, Danny?”

“Let’s keep a quiet eye on him, okay?  If he goes anywhere else, I wanna know.”  He turns back toward his office.  “He’s gonna kill me if he ever finds out.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be some agonizing decisions coming up. Please stay tuned. I appreciate any and all comments and, as always, the muse needs her inspiration.


	8. Time Flies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As time passes, Danny becomes more and more suspicious and Steve just tries to stay alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all that have stuck with this one. I hope the following chapter makes sense. It's a little longer than usual and was mostly written during insomnia laden nights. Not exactly how I wanted it to go, but here it is.

**Chapter Eight:  Time Flies**

He slowly lowers his feet to the floor, wincing as they touch the floor.  Pushing himself off the bed, he groans as he stands tall, pausing for a moment to get his bearings.  Limping over to the mirror, he looks at the recent damage.  

Today he’d been a punching bag again.  Or more specifically, his head had been the bag.  He’d stopped most of the bleeding and reset his nose, but the bruises are starting to show and his face is a mass of black and blue.  Both eyes are swollen and bruised; the left side of his mouth looks like he’s had reverse lipo; and a few teeth are loose.  He squints at the reflection and marvels that he can see at all.   _ Only two more weeks to go.  I make that, Danny and the kids will be fine.   _ He leans closer to the mirror, wincing again as his back muscles pull.  Gently touching the puffiness, he grimaces at the comments that come with all the damage to his face.  Looking at himself right now, he almost believes them when the say no one will want him when they get done.  He can’t recognize himself right now.  Leaning on the sink, he hangs his head.   _ What does it matter anyway?  Once I get through the next two weeks, it doesn’t matter what happens to me.  Danny and the kids WILL be safe.  I can let them do whatever they want and it won’t matter.   _

He starts as the door slams open, heavy footsteps approaching him and grabbing him by the hair.  

“Your partner just won’t give up.”  Mano hisses in his ear.  “Another fucking message left about how he’s gonna fly over and find you.  That damn ADA keeps contacting him and he won’t let it go.  What’re you gonna do, McGarrett?”  

Steve tries to twist out of his grip, but finds he lacks the strength.  “What do you want me to do?  I can’t control the ADA!”  He grunts out.  

“You need to get this to stop.  Those kids’, and your, lives depend on it.”  He releases Steve and steps back.  “I don’t care what lame excuse you give that partner of yours, but you need to make sure he stays just where he is...and he gives up on finding you.”

“Again, I don’t know what you want me to do.  That ADA is looking for me to testify.  He’s determined to convict your boss’ brother and will do what is needed.  If he doesn’t have me, he will get Danny.  Only way to stop Danny is to tell him what’s going on.”

“No.  He finds that out now, he’ll be on the phone to the ADA and this whole agreement will be for naught.  If the ADA finds out before this trial even begins, he can get a continuance.  We can’t have that.”

“Then I don’t know what you expect me to do, Mano.”

Mano paces back and forth, more upset than Steve has ever seen him.  He slides over to the one lone chair in the room and sits down, not wanting to get on his bad side. He’s avoided it since that first time and he has no plans for it to happen any time soon.  Yes, Lyssa has made her regular visits and he’s learned to do what is needed and go somewhere else in his head, but he wants to avoid Mano.  

“I can hold Danny back, to a point.  But that ADA can put out a material witness warrant for both of us.  Danny won’t disobey that.”  Steve starts thinking out loud.  “Maybe if you let me contact the ADA, I can convince him that I’m on my way.  Maybe see if he can push my testimony to later in the trial.  Would that work?”  Steve knows he’s close to committing a crime, but Danny and the kids are more important.  He will do anything.

Mano turns on him, a terrifying look on his face.  Steve steels himself for the worst.  They’ve never used him more than once in a day, unless Lyssa was feeling ‘amorous’.  The look on Mano’s face has Steve convinced he’s wanting to hurt him and he knows how to make it the worst.  

“That might work.”  He grumbles.  “As long as the trial starts, jeopardy is attached and he either has to drop the charges, lose the trial or hope to god for a mistrial.  No matter, it goes our way.”  He stomps over to Steve.  He shoves the phone in Steve’s face, “Call him now.  You make sure he starts that trial without you.”  

Steve takes the phone, pulls up the number and hits call.  

“Hello!”  he hears Ben answer.

“Hey, Ben, it’s Steve.  Steve McGarrett.” 

“McGarrett!  Where the hell are you?  You’re supposed to be here.  Your partner says he doesn’t know where you are.  What’s going on?”  He yells at the prisoner. 

Steve glances up at the angry face of Mano and weaves his web.  “Listen, I’m sorry.  I’ve had some stuff to deal with and it’s taken longer than I thought.  Any way you can push my testimony back?  How long before you call me?”

After a long, heavy sigh, he hears, “You are not scheduled to be called until day ten.  You think you can get her before then?”

“I don’t know.  Can you push it any further back?  I need at least another two weeks or so.”  Steve closes his eyes, hoping for the right answer. 

“You sure you’ll be here?”

“I will make my best effort to get there when you need me...if you can push it back.”

Another pause and loud sigh.  “All right.  I’ll, um, push you back to day eighteen.  I can make that work.  You have almost a month from now.  You better be here, Steve, or this case is fucked.  I NEED you, or your partner, to testify.  You both experienced and saw the same thing so one of you needs to be here.  If not, I will not hesitate to take legal action.  You’re a stand up guy, Steve  don’t let me down.”  

“Not my plan, brotha.  Not MY plan.”  Steve answers, opening his eyes and glaring at Mano.  

“Okay.  Well, keep in touch now.  Let me know if anything changes.  I cannot impress upon you how important your testimony is to this trial.  You and Detective Williams have impeccable reputations and will carry a lot of weight with the jury.  Please don’t make me subpoena you.”

“I know how important our testimony is.  You have no idea how much I know that.  It is my plan to be there.  I will be in touch in a week, okay?”  Steve is staring at Mano, who is shaking his head.  

“Okay.  Call or text me.  Just stay in touch now.”

“I will, Ben.  I will.”  

“Take care, Steve.  Bye.”  The line disconnects.  Steve, still staring at Mano, holds out the phone to him.  

“Sorry.  He insisted that I keep in touch.  If I don’t, you know he will be bothering Danny again.  A quick text can keep that from happening.”  

Mano glares at Steve, pissed that they have to keep in touch with another person.  However, he knows it’s the way to go if only to keep the ADA out of their hair.  He shakes his head.  “No, you need to contact your partner now and make sure he stays on that island.  No matter what.  Remember what’s at stake.”

“You never let me forget.”  Steve mumbles, hitting the speed dial for Danny.  

“You better have a good explanation this time, Steven.  I’m tired of playing this go between.  You know that ADA has emailed me eight times and left five messages!  What the hell is going on with you?!  You need to tell me right now!  This is more than just needing to get away and think, Steven.  Talk to me!”  Danny almost screams over the phone. 

“Danny, stop.  It’s all taken care of.  I just talked to Ben and we are set.  Do not worry.”  Steve says in his calmest voice.  “He and I have set it all up so he shouldn’t be contacting you again.”

He hears a long, loud sigh, “I’m sorry, Steve, but this is just not like you.  You’ve been gone for six weeks.  I’ve hardly heard from you, except for mostly very cryptic texts, and you won’t tell me what’s really going on.  Come on, babe,” his voice gets softer, “I KNOW you.  This is not you.  Please, tell me what’s going on?”

Steve closes his eyes for a moment, wanting to tell him everything; have him come swooping in; and save him from himself.  But he knows he can’t.  Not yet, at least.  He’s sure at some point, Danny will have to be informed of what is going on to keep him on that island, but not yet.  “It’s like I said, Danno.  I just needed to get away.  Need to get my shit together before testifying.  I need to make sure I have  **_us_ ** set in my head.  This a big step for me, Danny.  You know how I handle things like this.”  He pauses, looking up at Mano.  He sees a strange, yet terrifying look on his face.  

“I know that, babe, but it’s all good.  We’re both in the same place.  We decided we can’t keep denying and fighting it.  You seemed fine.  I mean, when I woke up with your arms around me, if felt so right.  I know you felt that, too.  So what’s going on?  Are you having second thoughts?  Is that it?  Is that why you had to leave?  Just tell me.”  Danny voice was panicked and trembling.  

Steve wants to cry out  **NO** , I have no doubts.  None at all.  But he can’t bring himself to do that, knowing that he will probably never see him again.  But he can’t say he’s having doubts, either.  “No, Danno, no second thoughts.  I can honestly say that.  But you know what’s happened in my past.  And, yes, things have changed between us now.  Saying ‘I love you’, takes on a whole new meaning.  I just need to get things clear in my head and I can’t do that with you walking in all the time.  Please, understand.”  He pleads with Danny.  

There’s a long pause before he hears anything.  “I understand.  You’ve been through hell with your previous relationships but you’ve got to know I’m not going anywhere.  I am perfectly happy with what I have right here, on this pineapple-infested island, with a job I love, my wonderful kids, and you.  I can’t ask for anything more.”  

Steve swallows hard to keep himself from crying at those words.  At this point, Mano is standing next to him, hovering over him, breathing hard.  “Thanks for saying that, Danny.  You are the only one who’s stuck by me.  You know what that means.  We will talk about all this when I get back.  Okay?  I want to tell you everything...when I get home.”  He all but sobs, knowing that will never happen.  

“You promise?  You won’t keep putting if off like you did with Catherine?  You won’t just let it die, like you did with Lynn?  You promise we will make this work?”

“Yes, I do.  Now you have to promise me something.  Please promise me you will put this trial out of your head.  Don’t worry about this.  I have this taken care of.  You just focus on Grace and Charlie and take care of them.  Keep the team together and doing good work while I’m gone.  You’re in charge.  Do good enough of a job and I might let you stay in charge.”  He tries to lighten the mood.  

“Oh, no.  I don’t want that.  More paperwork than I have now?  No, thank you!  You get it all back as soon as you walk in the door.  Now, in other areas?  Yeah, I might demand to be in charge there.”  A chuckle is heard over the phone.  

“We’ll see about that.  I do have a bit more training in hand-to-hand ‘combat’ than you do.  Keep that in mind.”  A lone tear falls from his eye.  

“Sounds promising, babe.  You might be some fun.”  

“Yeah, yeah.  You’ll have to wait to find out.”  Steve smiles, thinking about how great it could have been.  

“Well, you get that trial over with, get your perfect ass back here and we will just see how much fun we can have!”  He can hear the smile over the phone.  

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, Danno.  As soon as I can.”  He all but whispers.  

“Hey, it’s okay, babe.  We’ll work through it.  Don’t worry.  I’m not going anywhere.  I’ll be here waiting for you.”  

Steve opens his eyes wide at those words, wishing they would come true.  He glances at Mano, who has a gleam in his eyes and is pacing around him.  “Okay, Danno.  Don’t you worry.  I’ll keep in touch with Ben and all will be good.  Take care of things at home.  I’ll see you when I see you.”

“Copy that!  Hey, keep me updated, okay.  I look forward to your texts every other day.  They make that day special.  Got it?”

Steve glances at Mano again.  “Um, okay.  You got it.  Aloha, Danno.”

“Bye, Steve.  See ya in a little over  month.  I love you.” 

Steve can’t bring himself to say it.  “Yeah, you, too.”  It’s all he can get out as he quickly ends the call and drops the phone to the floor.  

“There.  It’s done.  He won’t be bothering me for awhile.  At least not until the trial has started.  I’m not sure how you’re gonna keep him from going when I don’t show up, but I’ve done all I can do.”  He stares at the floor.  

“Oh, don’t worry,” he hears whispered in his ear, “I’ll have something figured out by then.”  Mano chuckles.  He steps away and moves to stand in front of Steve.  “I have to say, listening to the two you, well, it was marvelous to see how much you are suffering, Commander.  I find it...uh...exciting.”  He runs his fingers through Steve’s hair.  Bending over, he picks up the phone, sliding it in his jacket pocket and lets go of the hair.  “Stand up!”  He demands.  

Steve looks up at him, fear and loathing in his eyes.  

“I said, STAND UP!”  he bellows.  

Without even thinking, he stands up, Mano about four feet in front of him.  “Please, don’t.”  He whispers.  

“Oh, don’t worry.  I don’t want your precious ass...today.  Now strip!”  He commands.  

Steve doesn’t move.  The thought of what Mano wants makes his stomach turn.   _ Two weeks.  Just two weeks.  I can do this for two more weeks.  I’ve been trained for worse than this.  I CAN DO THIS!  OW! _

He pulls away as he feels a sharp prick in his neck.  “What the hell?”

“You will do as I say.  If not completely voluntarily, then with some help.  Now STRIP!”  Mano commands again.  

This time, Steve finds himself obeying.  As he strips off the few pieces of clothing he has on, he concentrates on the two things that will get him through this:  two weeks left and Danny.  Now standing completely naked, he looks up and stares at Mano.  He can feel his will power fading.  And as it goes, his emotions go with it.   He knows the only way he can get through this is to disconnect.  

“Kneel.  That’s it.  Good.  Now, same as before.  You don’t bite.  Don’t even think it.  All that will do is hurt a young woman or a little boy.  You don’t want that, do you?”  He smiles as Steve shakes his head.  “Right.  Now, hands down at the side.  That’s it.  I want to fuck your mouth.  All you have to do is use your mouth and tongue.  That’s all.  I’ll take care of the rest.  Now open wide, Commander.  I’m gonna enjoy myself!”  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

“Did you get hold of him, Danny?”  Kono asks as he walks out of his office.   Danny walks over to the table, gaze off in the distance and not answering her.  “Hey, haole, did you hear me?”  She waves at him.  

Raising his head, he looks around, seeing the whole team surrounding that table and staring at him.  “What?”

“Kono asked you if you spoke to Steve.  Did you?”  Lou repeats the question.  

“Oh, yeah.” 

“And?”

“He says he’s fine.  He spoke to the ADA and sorted everything out.” 

“Well, that’s good, right?”  Kono asks.

“Yeah.” 

“Then why the worried tone, man?”  Lou leans on the table.  

It’s on the tip of his tongue to say he doesn’t have a tone then realizes that’s one of those rants he only gives to Steve.  “He still sounds off.  When he said goodbye, he sounded as though he was never coming back.  I don’t know.  Just didn’t sound like him.”  He looks at Kono.  “Did you look at any video surveillance from the airport?  Did you see him get on that plane?” 

“No, I didn’t think we needed to go that far.  He’s on the passenger manifest.”

“We do now.  Get any video you can.  I wanna see him getting on that plane.  Something just isn’t right.  He sounded like he was saying goodbye for good.  Can you track his phone, too?  I need to know exactly where he is!”  He turns and stomps back into his office.  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

He opens his eyes and just stares at the ceiling.  He smiles to himself when he realizes what day this is.   _ I’ve done it.  I’ve made the whole two months.  Danny and the kids are gonna be fine.  No matter what happens, they will be fine.   _ He slowly rolls onto his side, gasping in pain as he rolls onto his arm.  He hopes Lyssa sticks to her word and gives him some time.  Yesterday had been brutal.  They had wanted to see just how good he was in hand-to-hand combat.  Except they had put him up against three of the biggest and he hadn’t a chance.  He’d held his own, putting a hurt on two of them, taking out one’s knee and a choke hold on the other, putting him to sleep.  But the third had taken advantage of him at that point and got the best of him.  He looks down at his forearm and can see the bruising all around the break.  He’d had to find a way to splint the bones but it’s not the same as a cast.  If he has to do any kind of fighting or any activity with this arm, he will have a permanent injury and probably not have use of his left arm.  

Getting off the bed slowly, he makes his way over to the sink and looks at himself in the small mirror.  The damage to his face made him almost unrecognizable, even to himself.  He grimaces as he runs a finger down the healed scars and the current bruises.  It’s been two months and the scars from his first days are still ugly and red.  The most recent, still having stitches, runs down the side of his face.  It’s bloated and oozing pus.  With no more than the saline solution to treat it, once it’s infected, it’s all he can do to just keep it clean.  He picks up the bottle and cleans it again, wincing every time the solution hits the wound.  He carefully wipes away the draining pus and blood, covering it in clean gauze and tape and moves to the shower.  Stripping out of his pants, he carefully cleans himself, missing the ability to get fully in the shower.  He gently moves his good hand over his body, feeling every scar, bruise and bite.  Mano has started to come to him regularly, about every third day or night.  Lyssa visits him about the same, but on different days.  The drugs they are using on him make him docile and obedient yet they also have started to affect his memory.  He has a hard time remembering his childhood; his sister and parents are harder to remember.  

He turns off the water, dries himself off and moves back to the bed.  Why get dressed?  He knows Mano will be visiting him sometime today and he will just have to struggle to get his clothes off.  He lies on his back, pulls the sheet up over him with his good hand and waits for the inevitable.  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%

“I tell you Danny, that is him getting on the plane.  His phone last pinged just outside L.A., which makes sense.  Why do you insist on going over this again and again?”  Lou snaps at him.  They are in Steve’s office, Danny sitting behind the desk and Lou standing in front of him.  

“It’s not right, Lou.  His texts are short and cryptic; he won’t return any of my messages, just those texts.  It’s been over three weeks since I last spoke to him and it just doesn’t feel right.  it’s not like him.  Something is going on.  I just wish I could figure out what!”

Lou pulls up one of the chairs and sits down.  Leaning on the desk, he looks the blond detective over.  He can see the worry and stress all over his face.  This situation is really bothering Danny and he has learned to trust those instincts.  “Okay...okay.”  He shifts in the chair.  “Has he been working on a case?  Other than the one in L.A.?  Did he mention anything to you?”

Danny shakes his head.  “No, Lou.  Just been concentrating on this L.A. case.  I mean, this could be anything.  We both know all the enemies he’s racked up over the years.  I don’t even know where to start.  I just know that something is not right with him.”  

Lou shakes his head and grins.  “Could he be working up some kind of surprise for you?”

Danny raises his head, a look of confusion on this face.  “What the hell kind of surprise takes over two months?  And he knows I hate surprises.  No, something else is going on.   Dammit, I just wish he would tell me!”

“Calm down, Danny.  I’m sure Steve is fine.  You get those texts every other day, don’t you?  So he can’t be in any trouble; but he’s being secretive so maybe he’s on some classified mission?”

Danny shakes his head.  “No, he would at least let me know.  And if that were the case, he wouldn’t be able to call me or even text me.  Makes no sense, Lou.”

“Well, maybe he’s planning some big, romantic getaway for the two of youse at some wonderful resort on the mainland?  Huh?  Whatdya think?”

Danny give him a look as if he’s crazy.  “What are you talking about?  Steve?  Romantic?  Please.  Never gonna happen, Lou.  I’ll be the one having to set up any romantic trips.”  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

 Steve looks at the old calendar hanging on the wall and realizes that it’s the day before he is to be in court.  He expects that some kind of call will be made but he has no idea of it’s content.  Mano has made it clear that, as the trial has begun, that he will do what is necessary to make sure Danny does not try and play hero.  Steve has no idea what that will be, but he knows it will not be good.  He had spoken to Danny ten days ago and was one of the most difficult calls of his life.  More difficult than the one before. 

Danny had not left anything alone.  He’d harped on Steve, making sure he was going to be at the trial.  Finally, Steve had lost his temper, insisting that Danny stop and let it go.  It was taken care of and he needed to leave it alone.  The looks Steve had received from Mano and his thugs told him the next few days were going to be bad...and they had been.  He’d endured waterboarding, beating, drugged and forced oral sex, water curing and Blind Man’s Bluff being poked with knives.  HIs entire body aches from all the little cuts.  He’d learned not to move quickly as he’d almost been poked in the eye in the beginning.  He moves through his usual morning ritual, not knowing what the day will bring...he just knows it won’t be good.  

As if he could read his thoughts, the door bangs open and Mano storms in.  “Your fucking partner says he’s on his way to L.A. since you haven’t arrived yet.  Sent a text stating he has a late flight out tonight unless he hears from you.”  He grabs Steve by his hair and all but drags him out of the small room.  He had managed to get his pants on but no shoes or shirt.  Mano slams him into the chair...pain radiating through his entire body.  He can’t help the loud whimper and groan that escapes his lips.  

“He needs to learn a lesson.  He just couldn’t listen to you and keep his mouth shut, so now he’s gonna see what’s really going on!”

Steve feels two grab his hands and tie them to the chair before he can react.  They move down and tie his feet to the legs and step away.  

“What are you doing?”  He struggles against the bindings.  

“Your partner needs to know what will happen if he gets on that plane.  Not only will he lose a child...he will lose you.  We are going to make a phone call to him and he’s going to see exactly what’s going on.”  Mano holds up the phone and presses the facechat button.  

“Steve?  Steve?  Where are you?  I just see a blank ceiling.  What’s going on?  Why aren’t you in the city?”  Danny’s panicked voice comes over the phone.  

“Detective Williams.  Let me introduce myself.  My name is Mano...and I have Commander McGarrett right here.  Would you like to see him?” 

“Who the hell are you?  Where is Steve?  What the fuck is going on?”  Danny all but screams into the phone.  

“Calm down, Detective.  I told you, he is here, with me.  He has been enjoying our hospitality for the last couple of months.”  He chuckles. 

“Then let me see him.  I wanna see him right now!”

“Oh, you are in no place to demand anything.  But I will let you see him...in a moment.  We have a few things to discuss, first.”

“What the hell would I have to discuss with you?  What have you been doing with him?  Why do you even have him?  For what purpose?”  The panic in Danny’s voice ratchets up.

Steve, sitting and listening to this interaction wants to scream out for Danny to just stay on Oahu and hang up.  He doesn’t want him to see how bad he looks at this point.  He doesn’t want him to see him at all.  He can’t stand the thought that the sight of him will hurt Danny so.  He can’t stand the thought of causing Danny such pain.  

“Please, Mano, don’t do this.”  He pleads, whispering it so Danny can’t hear.  

“Oh, we hear from our guest.  He doesn’t want to be seen.  What does everyone think?”  He holds his hand up.  

Loud boos and no’s come from the group.  

“What is that?  Who else is there?  Tell me!  What the hell is going on and where is Steve?”  He can hear Danny yelling, the tremble in his voice apparent.  

“Okay.  Here’s the deal, Detective Williams.”  Mano walks away from Steve, the phone still pointed at the ceiling.  “For reasons we won’t go into right now, your partner here volunteered to be our guest for an indeterminate time.  He willingly came with us to keep a certain tragedy from occurring.  He is here of his own free will.  We are not holding him prisoner...technically.  He can walk out of here any time he likes…”

“Then come home, Steve.”  He hears Danny interrupt.  “Everyone here misses you and wants to know you are okay.  Or if you won’t come home, then let’s meet in L.A.  I don’t care.  Anywhere you want to.  I will meet you there.”  He hears a pause and a loud sigh.  

Steve closes his eyes and bows his head. He takes in a couple of deep breaths and and says, “I can’t, Danny.”

“What do you mean, ‘you can’t’?  If you can leave whenever you want, then why can’t you?  Oh, is this one of those self-sacrificing things you’re doing?  Do you think that’s what we would want?  Dammit, Steven, all we want is for you to come home?”

“We, Detective Williams?  Or just you?  Isn’t it just you that wants him home?  Home to you, and only you?”  

“What?  What the fuck are you talking about?  He has a whole family here that miss him and want him home.  So, come home, Steve.  Please?”  

He can hear the pleading and anguish in Danny’s voice.  He has no idea what’s going on and isn’t sure how to handle that.  “I can’t.  Not now.”  

“Yes, Detective, he will be our guest for a little while longer.  You have the power to get him home earlier.”

“How?  How can I do that?”

“Oh we will get to that.  But first, let’s get you that visual you so want.”  He walks over to the main computer and quietly discussed a few things with Mona.  She gets up from the desk, a small camera in her hands.  She moves behind Mano and nods.  “Ok, Detective.  You want to see him so badly.”  Mona puts the camera on Steve, who still has his head hanging.  

“Steve?  Steve, come on.  Look up.”  He hears Danny plead. 

“No.  You don’t need to see me, Danny.  You can see that I am alive.  That’s all you need to know.”  

“Oh, no, Commander!  He does need to see you...while he can still recognize you!”  He reaches out and grabs Steve by the back of his head, his fingers curling in his hair.  “Here ya go, Detective.  See your precious Commander!”  

Steve feels his head yanked up, forcing him to face the camera.  He immediately locks onto those blue eyes on the big screen in front of him and he can’t look away.  The look in those eyes destroys his heart.  They go from concern and anguish to shock and fear.  He struggles to shake Mano’s hand off him but with no luck.  

“Steve?  Oh my god!  Is that really you?  Fuck, what’s happened?”  Danny sputters out.  “Are you okay?  Please, answer me.  Are you okay, Steve!?”  He demands. 

Steve can hear the change in his voice from shock to fear and heading into anger.  “I’m fine, Danny.  Please, I’m fine and I know what I’m doing.”  

That was the wrong thing to say.  

“What do you mean ‘you know what you’re doing?’  What the hell does that mean, Steven?  And what ARE you doing?  Why are you there and letting them do this to you?  Why are they DOING this to you?  I don’t understand.  My god, your face!  What have they done?  What have you done, you motherfucker?!  What have you done to him?!”  He yells over the phone.  

“Now, now, Detective.  Watch your tone and your language.  We’ve just been having fun.  That’s all.”  Mano goads him.  

“Fun??  You call that fun?  My god, you’ve probably done permanent damage!  And where’s the doctor taking care of him?  I want to talk to them.  They need to do a better job!  This is crazy!  You are crazy!”  He stops.  Steve sees the camera move from his face and scan down his torso.  All he can hear is Danny’s heavy breathing coming over the line.  “Fucking hell, Steve what is going on?  Why are you putting up with this?  Why haven’t you left?  Please, tell me what’s going on?  How have you survived all this?”  The hurt and anguish in his voice rips through Steve’s soul.  

“He has his reasons, Detective, and I believe they are pretty good.  Not sure I would do this for those same reasons, but he feels quite strongly about them.”

“What?  What, Steve?  Dammit, tell me what the hell is going on?”  Danny all but screams into the phone.  

“All in due time.  Now, I wish to ask you if you are planning on getting on that plane tonight?”

“Plane?  What does that have to do with anything?”

“Please answer me, Detective.”  Mano demands.  He motions to Mona and she moves in for a close-up.  “Do you still plan to get on that plane?”

Steve, watching Danny on the big screen, could see his mind working, trying to figure out what one has to do with the other.  

“Obviously yes, since I can see that Steve is not going to make it.  I don’t know why that matters.”  Danny answers quietly.  

“Oh, that is everything Detective.  See, you are NOT going to get on that plane.  You are going to stay there on Oahu and take care of your kids.  Do you hear me?”

“No.  No, I have to go.  One of us needs to be there.  Our testimony is key to the case.  I can’t stay here.”  Danny’s stubbornness starts to show.  

“Commander?”  Mano shakes his head and then lets go.  

“Danny, don’t go.  It’s okay.  Don’t worry about it.  Stay with the kids.  Please?”  Steve says as if reading from a teleprompter.  

“Steve, you know one of us needs to be there.  How can you say that?”

“Please.  Stay with the kids.  I’m asking you.”  

“Steve?  What…? No!  We made a deal with the ADA and we need to keep it.  You obviously can’t, so I have to.”  The stubbornness comes through in his voice.  

“Oh, Detective, you just don’t get it.”  Mano says, motioning for Mona to move back a little.  “I see we are going to have show you.”  Mona moves the camera to his hands, showing him putting on a thick pair of leather gloves.  Without warning, he slams his fist into the left side of Steve’s face, rattling the chair and sending blood flying through the air.  “I guess you are going have to be shown the kind of fun we have here.”  

For a split second, Steve sees those wonderful blue eyes, filled with shock and fear and his heart aches.  Then his world is all fists, blood, pain, stars and darkness.  At times, he can hear Danny’s voice screaming and begging for them to stop when another fist to the side of his head or his already injured torso hits its target and all he can hear is his breathing and the pounding of his heart.  His pain level hits it’s limit and he passes out, head hanging forward, blood running down his face from cuts and nose, eyes, lips and nose swelling and already starting to bruise.  

“Stop!  Please, stop!  You’re gonna kill him!”  Danny screams at them, his voice starting to go from yelling and his face red from his increased blood pressure.  What do you want?  WHAT?”

Mano signals to the other two to stop and he pulls of the bloodied gloves.  He smiles, but Danny never sees it since his face is never shown on camera.  

“My dear Daniel, have you not figured that out yet?  And you call yourself a detective.”  Mano makes and ‘tsking’ sound and then laughs.  “Come on, dear Daniel, you can figure this out.”  

Danny’s breath is loud, hard and fast and comes across the connection quite clearly.  “Wha….”  He mumbles.  “Is Steve still alive?  Tell me that!”  

Mano nods at one of the others and they check for a pulse.  They nod to him and he turns back to the screen.  “Yes, he is alive.  So?  What have you figured out, Detective?”  

Danny tries to control his breathing and looks directly into his phone.  “This all has to do with the trial?  What is your interest in that?”

“Bingo!  I’m so proud of you for finally figuring that out.  Bravo!”

“What do you have to do with that?  And how is holding him and beating the crap out of him going to stop it?”

“Oh dear Detective, you’ve just lost all your bonus points.  You really are confused, aren’t you?  Could it be that your emotions are getting in the way of your deductive reasoning?  Your concern for your partner is clouding your judgement?  I thought you were trained not to let that get in the way?”

Danny pauses, collecting his emotions.  “No, that was the SuperSEAL there that was trained for that.”  He whispers.  

“Oh, that’s right.  That’s why he’s been so cold and withdrawn.  Hmmmm, we may have to do something about that.  In the meantime, he needs to be awake for the rest.”  he motions for the man on his right to wake him up.  

Steve’s head pops up, a loud groan escaping his lips, as the smelling salts do their job.  He blinks a few times, clearing his eyes and peers through swollen eyelids.  “Wha’ hppnd?”  he mumbles.

“Oh, my dear Steven, you passed out.  The big, bad, Navy SEAL couldn’t take it.  What do you have to say for yourself?”  Mano leaned down, the back of his head to the camera.  

Steve glares at him, or at least tries to.  “Three on one?  A little unfair.  ‘n I’m tied up.”  He says slowly making sure Mano hears every word. 

Mano moves closer, almost nose to nose.  “I know for a fact you’ve taken on more than us and in more dire positions.  Don’t give me that.”  He whispers.  

“Hey!  What’s going on?  What are you doing?”  Danny shouts. 

“Just making sure your  _ partner _ is fully awake.”  Mano straightens up.  “Have you figured it out yet, Detective?” 

“Just fucking tell me, you mother!” 

“Calm down, Detective.  Okay, okay.  This is starting to get tedious...and I’m losing all my excitement.”  He motions to the two standing on either side of Steve.  

Steve feels them untie his arms and then his feet.  He can barely see in front of him but he can see Mano standing just off to his right, undoing his belt.  Knowing what’s coming and just how bad the next few days can be if he doesn’t do what is wanted, he slides off the chair, to his knees, and waits for his command.  He wants to look at the screen and see Danny’s face to help get him through this, but if he turns his head away, he’ll be punished for it.  

“Now, Detective, here’s what is going on.  Your partner here volunteered to come with us to keep certain things from happening.  He has fulfilled his duty for that part of it but we still cannot have either of you testifying at this trial.  He’s here with us, you need to stay there on the island.  I don’t care what you tell the ADA, except for the truth, but you do not go.  You do that, and your partner here will stay alive.  You don’t and you will be getting him back in a box.”  Mano states, matter-of-factly.  

Steve watches as he undoes his pants and reaches inside.  “Don’t.  Not yet.  Please?”  He pleads, not wanting Danny to see him do this.  

“You don’t tell me what to do, Steven.  You just kneel there and do what you’re told!”  Mano sneers at him.  

Steve drops his head, waiting for the command.  He’s completely humiliated to have Danny see him like this, but if he knew what the punishment is to not obey, he’d understand.  

“You realize you’re dealing with a cop?  I can’t just not go.  It’s my duty.  I’m bound to do this.”  Danny answers. 

“I do not care about any of that.  You have my terms.  I expect you to cancel that flight as soon as you can.  Remember, you are being watched.  All of you are being watched.”  He nods to Mona, who moves back the computer, tapping on a few keys.  

Steve hears voices come over the speakers and he recognizes each one of them.  Members of his o’hana moving about in their everyday lives.  He hears their concerns over him; concerns about Danny; what they should have for dinner; and what to wear the next day.  Then he hears two voices that melt his heart and freeze the blood in his veins at the same time.  

Grace and Charlie. 

They are talking about how sad their dad has been for the last few weeks; how much he misses Uncle Steve; and how much they want him to come home.  He barely feels the tears that flow, not wanting them to stop.  He's startled by the towel that is shoved in his face.  

“Clean you face off.  I don’t want blood all over me.”  Mano’s voice comes from above.  

He takes the towel and gently wipes his face, listening to the wonderful sounds coming across the room...sounds of home.  

“How did you get all this?”

“I just told you, Detective, you ARE being watched.  Now,” he nods again and the picture goes back to Steve kneeling on the floor in front of Mano, “as I said, I expect you to cancel your flight; give any excuse you think will work; and simply stay home and play cop and daddy.  If you do that, your partner stays alive.  If not, as soon as he satisfies me and anyone else here who needs it, I will put a bullet in his brain and send his head to you in a pretty box.  What will it be, Detective?”  Mano pulls out his cock, looking down at Steve.  

“Hands first.  You know what I like.  And look at the screen.  I want you to see the look on your lost love’s face.”  

Steve reaches up and takes Mano’s cock in his hands, slowly turning his head to the screen.  The look he sees on Danny’s face devastates him.  

“Steve….”  Danny whispers.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think Danny will do? And will he ever get the full story? And exactly just how cold, ruthless and unfeeling is Mano? Huh?   
> Hopefully I will get the next chapter up sooner. Thanks to all who have supported me during this time. Please, the muse likes to know what you think...let her know.


	9. What To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stares straight ahead, not really seeing what’s around him. Nothing is registering other than the thoughts of what happened the day before. All the pain he felt; all the fear; the anguish; the shock; and the certainty that he was never going to see the love of his life again. And that final look in his eyes...what he saw there chilled his bones, caused his blood to burn and ripped out his soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to get there...I promise. But....you know how it goes. Can't help it.  
> Not beta'd so all mistakes are mine. Things are speeding up and just wanna get it out there.

**Chapter Nine:  What To Do**

He stares straight ahead, not really seeing what’s around him.  Nothing is registering other than the thoughts of what happened the day before.  All the pain he felt; all the fear; the anguish; the shock; and the certainty that he was never going to see the love of his life again.  And that final look in his eyes...what he saw there chilled his bones, caused his blood to burn and ripped out his soul.  

It’s sad, too, because it’s a beautiful day.  The sky is blue with barely a cloud in sight; a gentle breeze blowing through the trees and fauna that surrounded him; the waves lapping up on the beach and far off, the voice of people enjoying their day in the sun.  

Danny should be spending this wonderful day with the kids since he canceled his flight and made up some flimsy excuse that he was sick and couldn’t fly.  He was glad the Ben hadn’t asked for a doctor’s excuse.  He did scream and yell at Danny for almost forty-five minutes about what this was going to do to the case, but Danny just insisted he was not allowed to fly.  

Lie number 1.  

Rachel already had the kids since he was supposed to go, but he knew he had to tell her something when I didn’t fly out and was still here on the island.  He knew she’d find out that he never left so he gave her some lame excuse that he wasn’t needed for the trial anymore.  They had it all in hand.  He still has to figure out what to tell her, and the kids, when it hits the papers that the trial was either lost or results in a mistrial.  

Lie number 2. 

When the rest of the team had returned later in the day, yesterday, another story about why he wasn’t going.  To keep it easy, he went with the same one he’d told Rachel.  He wasn’t needed.  Again, what he is going to tell them once the news hits...well, he has a few days to figure that out.  

Lie number 3. 

Finally, the biggest one of all that he tells himself as to why he didn’t get on that plane.  He knows that Steve would expect him to ignore what they said and get on that plane, no matter what.  Damn the consequences to him.  But Danny could not do that.  He can’t be the one to secure Steve’s fate.  He can’t be the one reason Steve is killed.   _ God, how could Steve even expect that of me?  I can’t cause his death.  That would kill me.   _ Danny stands up, walks around behind the chair and leans on it.   _ How dare that SOB make me do this?  How dare he put me in this position!  No matter what he says or does, he knows I can’t do it.  It’s so fucking unfair of him.  No heads up; no note.  Just that damned lie he told me that night!  But why?  Why did he just go with them?  It has to be more than just the trial.  More than just allowing me to be with the kids.  That’s what makes no sense.  He wouldn’t just walk off with them to keep us from testifying.  No, there’s more to it and I’m gonna find out what! _

He pushes himself off the chair, makes his way back to the house, locking up as he goes through.  Closing and locking the front door, his hand lingers on it, wishing he was going to pick Steve up or meeting him somewhere; not going back to HQ and doing what needs to be done.  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

He pushes himself up from the side of the bed and falls onto his back, wiping his mouth with the towel in his hand.  It was, what he hopes, the last of the shit that he’d been made to swallow for the last 12 hours.  Once the call had been disconnected, he’d finished Mano off and then every one had to have their turn.  He’d been made to service them all day and into the night without a real break.  After the first six hours or so, he’d stopped thinking about what he was doing and just went on auto-control.  They had forced him to swallow, though, and once told to go to his room, he’d grabbed a bucket and vomited until his whole body ached.  

Lying here now, he almost wishes to die.  It’s degrading enough to have to do it front of this whole crew, but the look on Danny’s face when he’d taken Mano in his hand ripped him apart.  And that Danny thinks he’s doing this willingly...well, he can’t go back, no matter what.  He’s sure that Danny has to hate him and find him disgusting.  He’s glad he filled out all the paperwork before he left so that he doesn’t have to go back for any reason.  If he does get out of here, as they promised, he’ll have to find an isolated little cabin where no one will be able to see the monster he’s become.  

He frowns, trying to remember his family, his blood kin, and he can’t.  He knows he has one, but he can no longer picture them or even what happened to them.  He’s known for many days now that his memory is going and a large part of him is glad.  It’s been too painful to remember some things and forgetting is the best way to go.  He’s happy to let it go.  

He never thought this is how things would end for him.  He figured, as did Danny, that he’d go out in some big firefight or explosive car wreck.  He would be sacrificing himself for the greater good.  Not becoming the play toy of this psycho group of people.  He knows he’s doing it for the right reason but that doesn’t help.  He never thought this would be the way.  

Throwing the towel at the sink, he pulls up the sheet and hopes for a few hours of sleep before it starts all over again. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

They all stare at him as if he has two heads.  He knows he should have called them all in and shown this to them just after it had happened, but he’d needed time to think.  Now here they all are, the whole team including Max, Abby, Duke and Adam.  He wanted to include anyone that could help him find Steve.  

“What the hell is going on?”  Lou finally speaks up.  “Is this for real?  I mean, come on.  This is a joke, right?”  He looks hopefully around the room.

All eyes go to Danny.  

“It’s real, Lou.  I wish to god it wasn’t, but it is.” 

“But his phone still pings just outside LA.  We can just go get him.”  Lou counters.

“I don’t know, Lou.  But they are watching and if get on a plane, I’m pretty sure Steve’s dead.  We have to be very careful.”  

“Watching us?  You mean all of us?”  Jerry speaks up. 

“Well, you saw the video they have.  They seem to have eyes all over.  I’m not sure how, but they had video of all of us, including my kids.  And audio!  This goes further than just a fanatical group holding him.  It has something to do with that damn trial!”  Danny runs a hand through his hair.  “I don’t know, guys.  That’s why I called you all in.  I don’t think they have any eyes or ears here.  I wasn’t gonna show anyone and keep lying but that doesn’t do Steve any good.  I’m just not sure where to go from here.”  He looks around at each and every one there; pleading with his eyes for help to bring his love home.  

“I’ve tried tracing the call.  I get nothing.  It’s as if it doesn’t exist.”  Chin finishes typing on the table.  “The trail just ends.  I can’t find where it’s coming from.  These guys have some serious hard and software at their disposal.  I’ve even tried the dark web and find nothing.”  

“Come on, Chin.  We saw the call.  It has to come from somewhere!”  Lou spits out, not believing what he just heard. 

“I’ve gone over it three times, Lou.  It just stops.  I can’t follow it any further.” 

“Well, then, what about his phone?  Huh?  Why do we get aping just outside the city?  Why don’t we send someone to check it out, then, if we can’t go ourselves.”  He looks wildly around the room.  “We gotta do something!  We can’t just stand her and do nothing.  Steve deserves everything we got.”  He slams the table, wanting to rip it apart looking for an answer. 

Kono place a hand on his shoulder.  “Calm down, big guy.  We aren’t gonna stand here and do nothing, okay?  We will find him.”  She smiles up at him.  

He takes a deep breath, nodding his head. 

“We just have to be careful. Lou.”  Danny tries to grin at him.  “If we want him back alive….which we do.  They are holding all the cards right now.  I hate to say it, but it’s true.  The only thing we know is that he’s alive.  Barely.”  He glances at Max. 

Max shakes his head.  “From what I could see, Detective, the Commander is in bad shape.  It’s actually quite amazing that he’s still alive.”  He grimaces.  “The scars on his face, that I could see before the beating, have not been properly taken care of.  One of them seems to have been seriously infected at one point.  They will not go away without plastic surgery, if even then.  From what I could see of his torso, the same has occurred.  He has been beaten, cut and tortured in ways I can’t imagine.  As I previously stated, I am surprised he is alive.  I’m sorry to be so blunt, but it is true.”  Max looks at Danny, wishing he had better news.  

“Anything, Chin?”  Danny looks at him.  He has been continually tapping away on the table. 

“I can’t find them.  But I did find this.”  He swipes up to bring the info on the big screen.  “On the dark web, there is mention of a Mano who seems to run a ring of mercenaries.  They seem to take on any kind of job.  As long as they are paid, they do the job and move on.”  He brings up several mentions and postings.  

“Son-of-a-bitch!  This guy will do anything?  What’s he got to do with this trial?”

Adam steps closer to the screen.  “Wait a minute.”  He studies one of the postings.  

“You recognize, something?”  Kono asks. 

He shakes his head.  “I remember my father mentioning something about a mercenary that he was looking into hiring.  I think it was this guy.”

“Did he hire him?”  Chin asks. 

“No.”  He turns to the group.  “My father met with him and, honestly, this guy scared the hell out of him.  I mean, my father was ruthless, I will admit that, but this guy...no, my father wanted nothing to do with him.”  

“The Yakuza was afraid of this guy?”  Lou says what everyone is thinking. 

“Pretty much.  I didn’t hear much but I, uh, overheard my father talking with Michael about this guy and said to find someone else.  He wanted no dealings with this Mano.”  

At those words, you could hear a pin drop.  If the Yakuza wanted nothing to do with this guy, who does?  What kind of people have hired this guy to do what he’s doing to Steve?  It’s obvious they are all thinking the same thing.  

“Okay...okay.”  Danny waves his hands.  “This guy is a scary psychopath.  But from what I can see here,” waving at the screen, “he’s an honorable psychopath.  Seems he keeps his word, from what we see here.  So, let’s go with that and assume he will not kill Steve as since I did not go testify.”  He shakes his head and waves his hand, “I already know I’m gonna pay for it, but that’s way down on the list.  Steve is first.”  he scrubs his hand down his face.  

“Okay, so what do we do from here?”  Kono asks what everyone wants to. 

“Well, one day at a time.  We have to be careful...I know.  That goes without saying.  We do this under the radar.  I’m gonna keep texting Steve’s phone, demanding to hear from him; to need to know he’s alive.  See if I can get any kind of information from them.  I now know it hasn’t been Steve sending me those texts every day.  I dunno if they’ll go for it.  I mean, what reason do they even have to give us any proof he’s alive?  But I’ll try.”  he looks over everyone.  “Chin, you and Jerry keep digging into this guy anywhere you think you can get intel, but maybe set up a decoy account.  You can’t let them know Five-0 is looking into this.  Kono, you and Lou see if you can find anyone who might have spoken to Steve in this last couple of days before he left.  I have a list of all his CI’s, so you can start with them.  Max, please, look over the stills we’ll get to you and see if you can tell anymore about his physical state.  Abby, Duke, just keep your ears open.  If you hear anything about what we are doing here from someone who should not know, we need that intel.  There can be absolutely nothing getting out of this room.  You hear me?  This does not get discussed outside of this group and this room.  Do you understand?  If we are gonna have any chance at getting Steve back, we HAVE to keep this quiet.”

“Come on, Danny...I mean, how are we to get anything done if we can’t discuss this with each other away from here?  Or over the phone?”  Adam asks.  

Danny pushes his way to the table and, in one of the few times he uses the thing, he pulls up the video call, cues it to the surveillance parts and hits play.  They all watch again as video of each one of them comes up on the screen, with audio.  

“That’s why, Adam.  If they can get this, any conversation may be overheard.  We cannot take that chance.  Since we don’t know yet just how far they reach, we need to do it this way for now.  All agree?  For Steve…”

As Danny looks around, they all nod their heads.  He counts himself so lucky to be surrounded by such loyal, trustworthy people.  

_ People that Steve brought together. _

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Steve hears the door open and he immediately stands, hands at his side and eyes on the floor.  It’s an automatic response now.  He sees a newspaper hit the table in front of him and he tries to read what is says.  

“Oh, relax, Commander.  It’s good news and you are going to get a day off!”  Mano says, clapping him on the back.  

Steve winces as the hand hits a recent injury and almost draws away but remembers if he does, the punishment will be worse.  

“Go on.  Relax.  Sit down.  Read the story.  We have a reprieve.”  Mano points at the story to which the paper is open.  

Steve sits down, obeying the command and looks at the headline:  

Hung jury in Matuso case.  No information if the DA will retry.

Steve shakes his head, trying to bring up a memory.  He’d been a pincushion lately as the played with his mind and body, pumping him full of drugs and watching his reactions.  Thinking hard, he remembers that he was to testify in that case.  Without his testimony the jury could not come to an agreement.  He was sure of that now.  Nodding, he quickly scans the story, reading how key testimony seemed to be missing from the prosecution's case and would be needed if they plan to retry.  

“It’s good news, Commander.  Smile!  We have success.  if they decide not to refile, you can return home.  Won’t that be nice?”  

Steve cocks his head.   _ Home?  Where is home?  Wait... _ he puts his hand in his pocket, feeling the casino chip.   _ Danny.  Danny is home.  That’s where I want to be.  But will he want me to be there?  With how I look?  How messed up I am?  I can barely remember him.  I don’t remember home.  I do remember the beach.  Swimming in the ocean.  Feeling at one with the water.  I remember surfing.  And paddle board.  Wait...an old car...always broken down.  Aggravates Danny.   _ He smiles to himself with that thought.   _ Danny.  I will never forget Danny.  I cannot forget Danny.   _ He rubs his thumb over the chip again.  

“McGarrett!  You listening?”  He feels a slap across the face.  Immediately he’s down on his knees, hands behind his back, eyes on the floor.  “Oh. ho ho ho.  Such a good little puppy dog.  But I told you you’d have the day off and I will keep that agreement.  You can rest and think about home, though it will still be some time before that happens.”  He pats Steve on the head.  “Get up.  Sit down and relax, my boy.  Your annoying partner is keeps demanding proof of life.  Let me get a good pic here with this paper.  Come on, hold it up!”

Steve sits back on the bed, taking the paper from Mano and holds it under his chin.  He’s not sure exactly what’s going on, but as long as he does what he’s told, he won’t be hurt that much.  

“Good.  Now...I will send that to your partner.  That should keep him quiet for a bit.  I might even give you two days off.  I’m feeling generous.  I mean, if this doesn’t get a retrial, we will be done.  You enjoy your time alone, Commander.  I’m sure the boys will have something special for you in three days.”  He walks out of the room, laughing loudly.  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Danny looks up at the knock on his door.  He motions Kono in, smiling as she sits across from him.  

“What’s up?”  He asks. 

“It’s been almost two months since that call with Steve and we don’t have much more to on than we did then.  I mean, sure, you’ve received texts and even that pic with the news story about the hung jury.  Proves he’s alive, Danny, but that’s it.  We tore that picture apart, pixel by pixel.  Nothing.  The background is generic.  it gives us no clues at all.  The paper is the LA Times, but that can be purchased around the world, so that doesn’t help.”

“Nothing on the tracing the texts?  Or anyone noticing they’re being followed?  Nothing?”  

“No, Danny, I’m sorry.  This guy is good.  It’s no wonder he’s never been caught or even charged.  He and his gang just disappear, don’t leave a trace.  He’s a ghost.”  She shakes her head.  

Danny breathes heavily, running his hands over his face and looking back at her.  “We have to find him, Kono.  We have to.  I can’t bear the thought of never seeing him again.  We’d just started.  No, I know we’ve known each other 8 years, but as  **us** , we were just starting.  Everyone saw it but us yet we’d finally admitted what we’d been denying for all that time.  I need to get him back so we can start this thing.  Shit, I don’t even know what it is yet, but I want to find out.  I NEED to find out.”

She reaches out and puts her hand on the one he’d laid on the desk.  “I understand, brah.  I know how you feel.  It was the same with Adam all those years ago.  You know I had to do what I felt was right.  You need to do what you feel is right.  We will find him.  We all want him home.  But we need a break.  I mean, why did he go with them?  What was so threatening and frightening to him to make him go willingly?”

“I’ve been racking my brain for that answer, Kono.  I don’t know.  We know he got several calls from a burner phone the day before he left.  I don’t remember if he went anywhere.  I was busy with the kids and trying to figure out how I was spend the week with them and be in LA at the same time.  He and didn’t see much of each other the few days before he left.  That’s why I thought he was mad and had gone off to pout.  I never thought this….” he stops, his words catching in his throat.  The thought of never seeing Steve again makes it hard to do anything.

“It’s okay, Danny.  Don’t worry.  We’re not gonna give up.  Never.  You know that.”  She tries to comfort him.  

He nods his head, not being able to speak yet.  The kindness and love in her eyes tells him all he needs to know:  that the people around him will go to the ends of this earth to find Steve and bring him home.

“Have you heard from the LA ADA?”

“Oh yeah.  He’s left message after message telling me that when they decide to retry this guy, one of use better be there or the legal ramifications will keep us busy for years.  I’ll admit, I’m using the time difference to play phone tag.  I’ve been holding him off, but if he keeps pushing I’m gonna have to do something I don’t wanna do.”

“The kids?”

“Yeah.  I mean, Rachel has been wanting to take a long, romantic getaway with Stan for quite some time, but the job, the schedule...it just hasn’t been possible.  But if they were to schedule it when I would have to be there.  Well, I can’t just go off and leave the kids.  Not with Rachel and Stan halfway around the world.”  

Kono smiles at him.  “You could get that set up that fast?”

“To keep Steve alive, I can move faster than light!”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

He jumps off the bed when the door bangs open, standing, hands at his side and eyes on the floor.  

“DOWN!”  Mano bellows.  

Steve drops to his knees, wincing at the pain as he hits the hard floor.  He feels the large, strong fingers snake through his hair and grab hold.  His head is pulled back, stretching damaged tendons and muscles, veins standing out as Mano almost lifts him off his knees.  

“That damn ADA has decided to retry the boss's brother.  You better hope that partner of yours remembers what was said and come up with some reason not to go.  If he doesn’t, you won’t be the only one he’s grieving over!”  

Steve whimpers, not clear on what he’s talking about but the tone of his voice is enough to strike fear in his heart.  He doesn’t truly understand that feeling but he knows he must obey.  

“Come on!  We need to make a little video for your partner to make sure he understands.”  Mano pulls him along by his hair, almost dragging him along the floor since the broken ankle hadn’t mended fully yet and the twisted knee was fresh.  He tries his best to keep up but by the time they’re out in the room, Mano is dragging him by his hair to his chair.  

“Get in there!”  He commands, dropping Steve in front of it.  He struggles to get up into the chair.  Once he is, he keeps his eyes on the floor, not to look up until he’s told.  

“Well, gang, the ADA is going to retry the case.  We all know that’s not a good thing so we need to let the Detective know what will happen if he gets on a plane.  Let’s get the wheel going and see what we can come up with today!  And let’s make this special:  a triple whammy!  Spin it three times and we can really have some fun!”  He waves his hand as Lyssa gets up and walks over to the screens.  

“I say, to make extra special, we spin the common one twice and the special one once!  That will show him we mean business!”  She touches the common wheel first, giving Steve a truly evil grin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How bad will it be? What will Danny do with this new video? Will they ever get a lead on Steve?  
> The muse wants to know what you think? She's working hard but needs some encouragement.  
> Thank you to all who commented on the last chapter. It keeps her going for chapters like this. And much faster, too. All comments welcome. Hopefully the next will be even quicker.


	10. How Long Will This Go On?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time moves forward. Steve gets a break now and then as they team works hard to try and find him. Danny's big decision looms and he's torn in two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who are hanging in. Things are moving forward and many of your wishes will be granted. Don't give up on me yet. Please see notes at the end of the chapter.   
> Please note, not beta'd so all errors are mine and mine alone.

**Chapter Ten:  How Long Will This Go On?**

Danny walks out of his office and over to the table, ignoring the looks he gets from the team.  He plugs in the flash drive into the table and waits.  

“Danny?  What’s this?  You look whiter than usual, man.”  Lou teases.  

“Um, I, uh, it’s, uh…”  He shakes his head.  Looking down, he can see his hands shaking on top of the table.  

“Danny, what is it?  What?”  Chin’s fingers fly across the table, bringing up the video on the drive.  

“No!  Wait.  Don’t start it yet.”  Danny places his hands on Chin’s.  

“You know what’s on this?”  Kono asks. 

Danny nods, his hands starting to shake again.  “Um, you know that the DA in Los Angeles has decided to retry the case.  And that he has asked, no demanded, Steve or I are there to testify.  Right?”  He looks around at the four standing with him.  They all nod.  “This video is to make sure I keep to their demand.  You should all see it, but I warn you, it’s bad.  Really bad.”  He takes a deep breath.  “I don’t blame any of you if you walk away.”  He nods at Chin. 

Danny looks around as they all watch the beginning of the video, their faces showing shock and horror as it’s explained just what they are going to do to Steve.  He’s hung from a steel frame by his wrists, arms spread as if forming an ‘X’.  The first torture was electrocution by cattle prod.  Followed by dislocation of his shoulders.  Danny whimpers again as they closed in on his body as they popped out.  But it was what followed that got to everyone watching.  

Flaying. 

They had a special tool made for this.  It was done close up as if peeling a potato.  The device was extremely sharp and removed the top layers of skin, just down to the nerves, causing severe bleeding along with almost unendurable pain.  The screaming coming out Steve’s mouth was more than Danny could take for a second time and he had to walk into Steve’s office and close the door.  But he couldn’t take his eyes off the screen.  Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Kono beeline for the garbage can, leaning over and losing her breakfast.  

Unable to take any more, Danny bursts out of the office, “That’s enough.  Please, fast forward over this.  You get the idea.”  He pleads with Chin, who gladly responds.  Fast forwarding until he sees a break, he clicks back to regular speed.  

“So, that was two days ago.  Your Commander did very well.  He is still alive,” Mano’s voice comes from the screen.  The picture moves into a small room and over to the bed where Steve is lying on his stomach.  “Get up, Commander.”

They watch as Steve slowly and painfully moves from the bed into a sitting position.  He keeps his head down, not looking up into the camera.  

“Good enough.  Now, tell them what I told you.”  

“Danny, if you go to testify, they will kill me.  What they did to me two days ago will only be the start.  If you want me to live, you will come up with a reason not to go.”  Steve’s voice is flat and emotionless...completely rehearsed.  

“There you have it.  If you ever want to see him again, you will do what he says.  But I will add one more thing, Detective.  What was the real reason he came to us and volunteered?  What would cause him to give himself the way he has?  To put up with all of this?  Oh, it’s more than just not testifying.  Let’s see if you can figure it out.  Oh, and don’t try to find him.  You won’t be able to trace any of this, as I’m sure you’ve already figured out.  Now, I will say goodbye and we will be in touch.”  

The screen goes blank.  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

He leans against the windows, the anger in him building.  What he’d just seen, for the second time, is more than he can handle.  What’s being done to Steve is reprehensible and the fact that they cannot find even a trace of him is killing him slowly. With all the equipment and access they have here and...nothing.  Everything points to him still being just outside LA but that’s too easy.  Yet, he’s not above asking for some help from a few friends over on the mainland.  They have to find Steve.  He doesn’t know what he’ll do without him.  He glances up into the office, seeing all the model ships; the plaques and certificates on the walls and he snaps.  

“Whoa, Danny, what the hell?”  Kono yells as she runs over to him, pulling his hands back from the now empty space where the glass into Steve office used to be.  “Come on, over here.  Somebody grab a towel.”  He’s guided over to the regular table, sitting down and allowing her to continue to hold his hands.  

Everything around him is a blur.  He feels no pain...at least not in his hands.  The only pain he’s feeling is in his heart.  He watches as a towel is placed on the table and then Kono gently places his hands, palms down, on top of it.  

“Danny, we need to get you to the hospital.  There’s glass in the wounds.”  Kono says, looking over his hands.  

He shakes his head.  “No, no hospital.  ‘snot bad.  Doesn’t even hurt.”  He mumbles, everything sounding muffled.  

Kono looks up at Lou, who’s standing behind Danny, looking down at his injuries.  “What made you do that, Williams?  Huh?” 

Danny just shakes his head again.  Still in a fog, he just keeps shaking his head.  “No hospital.”

“Okay, okay.  We’ll call Max.”  Kono nods at Lou.  He walks off, phone to his ear.  Chin sits down next to Danny and looks over his hands. 

“You did a good job on those windows, brah.”  He comments as he carefully washes out the wounds with water from a bottle.  

Danny looks at him, a scowl on his face.  He winces slightly as the pain starts to creep it’s way up from his hands.  Turning his head, he looks at the broken windows to Steve’s office and then looks to Kono.  “We have to find him.  I NEED to find him.”  He whispers. 

“We aren’t gonna give up, no matter what.  Never.”  She reassures him.  

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

He sits up carefully, moaning quietly to himself as he lays his head in his hands.  Grabbing his pants, he slips them over his feet, stands and pulls them up.  Moving quietly, he shifts over the the lone chair, sitting back against the soft back that had been provided for him since the flaying.  

He studies the form asleep on the bed, his eyes moving from her sheet covered feet, up over her hips, where the sheet falls away to her round, full breasts and finally to her full lips and angelic looking face.  In sleep, Lyssa was a beautiful woman and in any other circumstances, he would feel lucky that such a woman wants him.  If he hadn’t found Danny.  

_ Danny.  God, how could I ever forget him.  Since the day we met, he has had my back and never lied or betrayed me.  He’s been with me the whole time.  Why’d we wait so long to admit how we felt?  All that time wasted.  And now, we will probably never be able to see if we would really work.  I miss him so much...his pessimism, his bitching, his constant picking about every little thing.  But most of all I just miss his presence.  Just having him near always grounded me...kept me sane.  Oh, god, I’m so sorry, Danny.  I never wished this upon you.  I don’t mean to leave you but I had to do it.  For Grace and Charlie.  Please forgive me.   _

He glances over at the old calendar:  eight months, six days and seven hours since he made that first call to Danny, letting him know he was leaving.  Per Lyssa’s promise, he hasn’t been drugged for the last five days and his head is much clearer, though many memories are lost.  He remembers his family:  mother, father, sister, aunt.  Barely remembers their names but almost all the memories of them are gone.  Seems these drugs are affecting long term memories first.  He painfully remembers his return to Hawaii and building his team and o’hana, yet almost wishes he didn’t.  He clearly remembers why he’s here and all that they have done to make sure the case goes sideways and Danny stays away from it...and him.  

He’s been given bits and pieces of information regarding the retrial so he knows that it is not going well and that Danny has not gone to testify.  If this one results in a hung jury again, he’s not sure they will retry again.  If that decision is made quickly, he may get back to his o’hana and Danny before his memories are completely gone.  

His eyes rove over Lyssa again as she turns in her sleep, over onto her stomach, taking up the bed.  His gaze goes over her shoulders, down her back to the curve of her ass and he feels nothing.  No arousal, no excitement.  He smiles to himself when he thinks about what has been getting him aroused to be able to satisfy her and he almost laughs out loud.  

Danny. 

It’s also what he has to think about on the couple of occasions when Mano has been in to visit and has wanted to suck him off.  He does enjoy giving as much as receiving, when he’s in a good mood.  And the direction of the retrial has had Mano in very good mood.  Steve has appreciated that, being given days off here and there from the torture and the last few days without the drugs.  One could almost consider him grateful...but not quite.  

“Like what you see?”  He hears come from the bed. 

He smiles, knowing it’s what she likes.  “I don’t NOT like what I see.”  He lies.  

She laughs loudly.  “Oh, my dear Commander, I know I’m not what you want but I must say, you do know how to please me even if you are not attracted to me.  I won’t ask how, but I’ll just enjoy.”  She rolls over onto her back, placing her hands behind her head, exposing her upper body for him to see.  

He chuckles, “You are a beautiful woman, Lyssa.  I will admit that.  And even just a year ago I would have found you very attractive and arousing.  But you are right.  Things changed just before I came with you and I fell in love.  That is the only person I want and the only one I am attracted to.”  

“I appreciate your honesty.  Not many are that way.  Then again, what do you have to lose, right?”  She rolls on her side again, staring at him.  “I will admit, even with all that has been done to you, you are still a very sexy man, Steve.  Just something that oozes out of you.  I’m sure women fall all over you.  Such a shame you’ve fallen in love with another man.  Oh, yes, we know about that.  The two of you are not as covert as you think you were.”  She pauses for a moment, thinking.  “Then why don’t you just enjoy what Mano is doing and what he wants?  I mean, with your background, I’m sure you don’t have that much experience in male on male.  Imagine the things you could learn and teach your detective lover when you go back home.”

Steve looks at her, surprised at her words.  

“Oh, yes, Steve, I am beginning to believe that you will survive this and go home.  No matter what else happens, you have gained Mano’s respect and he will honor the original deal.  When we know that Matuso will not be tried again, you will be let go.  So, it is important that you keep that in mind.  If you want to see that lover of yours again, you fight to survive.  Stay alive.  You will be able to leave when we say you can leave.”

He looks at her questioningly.  “You want me to survive?”

She smiles at him, sitting up and reaching for her robe.  “I am rooting for you.  You have lasted the longest of anyone we have dealt with.”  She slips her robe on and looks up at him.  “Who do you think sent Kayla to help you in the first place?  Oh, yes, Steve, we know what’s been going on and how she has helped you stay alive.  I know you are not naive enough to think we don’t have eyes all over the place.  We know exactly what’s been going on in here when you thought you were alone.  Oh, we don’t watch all the time.  We do give you some time to yourself, but when anyone else is in here with you, you are watched.”  She slides her feet into her slippers.  

“So what we’ve just done has been watched?”

“Well, when anyone but me is in here.  Yes, you are watched when Mano is here.  He likes to ‘relive’ his experiences with his captives.  He’s a bit of a pervert that way.  Me?  I’m not turned on by watching my exploits.  I relive them in my head.”  She chuckles at him.  “And I’ve relived many of the times we’ve spent together.”  She stands and moves next to him.  Leaning over, she gives him a kiss on the cheek.  “Don’t fight Mano so much.  He only hurts you that way cause you fight him.  Give in.  Learn to enjoy it and maybe, just maybe, he’ll stop with the drugs and allow you to keep the memories you have left.”  She whispers in his ear.  

He watches as she leaves, hearing the door lock behind her.  He leans back carefully, thinking about all that she’s said.   _ She’s sent help to me?  I figured they’ve wanted me dead.  I mean, look at what they’ve been doing to me for the last eight months?  I guess it is all just a game for them.  A deadly game for me.   _

_ %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% _

Danny slams his fist down on the desk, using all his willpower to keep from throwing the phone across the room.  He’d already broken the windows in Steve’s office.  He didn’t need to break any more.  Glancing down, he looks at the healing scars on his hands from that incident a couple months ago.  Since then, he’d been working day and night to find Steve and bring him home.  He’d even reached out to Sam Hanna in LA to see what he could find out...under the radar, of course.  That’s what has him so pissed off right now.  Sam had called to tell him that he could find nothing.  When they’d breached the house where the phone was tracked to, there was nothing but a relayer.  They had processed the hell out of it, but it led nowhere.  Sam told him that whoever had Steve was set up.  They had money and some genius people working for them to be this invisible.  

Danny had almost lost it at that point.  Sam was his last hope in finding Steve over on the mainland.  He knows Sam can keep it quiet, but if he brings in anyone else, it will become front page news and that will get Steve killed for sure.  

it doesn’t mean he has to like it. 

He glances up and sees Kono and Lou staring at him.  He waves them off, not ready to relay exactly what Sam said.  He needs to calm down, first.  He feels as though he’s losing it.  His mind keeps wandering off, wondering what’s being done to Steve at that moment.  He is constantly thinking about how he looked in that last video; all the scars, cuts and injuries he had.  And it is driving Danny crazy, not being able to figure out exactly why Steve is doing this.   _ Okay, they don’t want us to testify.  But he didn’t have to go off willingly with these psychos and allow them to do what they are doing to him.  There has to be more.  What did they threaten him with to get him to go?  The team and I have tried to track down any leads but a few of Steve’s CI’s have disappeared, including the one they suspect he spoke to the day he left.  Did they threaten my life?  No, that makes no sense.  Steve would do anything to make sure I’m safe, but this?  No, there’s more.  I just wish I knew what the hell it is!  _

He glances up and sees movement out at the table and he sees Kono beckoning to him.  He stands, taking a deep breath and walks out. 

“What’s going on, Kono?”  He walks over to the table, leaning on his hands to hide the shaking. 

“We just heard from Max.”  She taps on the table and brings up a photo.  “This is Kyo Yung.  He was Steve’s CI.”  

Danny studies the picture of the dead man that Max sent over and he knows this is no coincidence.  “He’s the one Steve spoke with before he left.”  He states, matter-of-factly.  

“Danny?”  Kono questions. 

“It has to be.  It’s no coincidence that Steve disappears and this guy winds up dead.  How long?” 

“Uh, Max says about six months.  He was found by some hikers in the Oahu Forest refuge.  If they hadn’t been lost, he probably never would have been found.” 

Danny nods, hands flexing on top of the table.  “He wasn’t supposed to be found.” 

Kono looks at him, questions all over her face.  “it does look that way.  Chin has gone over to the ME’s office to take a look.  Max didn’t have the exact COD yet.”

“Okay, good.”  He glances up at her.  “Thanks.”  

She turns to him.  “We are not gonna stop until we find him.  You got that?”  She places a hand on his shoulder. 

Nodding vigorously, he tries a smile.  “I know.  Just seems everywhere we turn, we run into a dead end.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah.  They found nothing.  Just a router that they couldn’t even trace.  He’s not there  He’s just disappeared.  He’s gone, Kono.”  He leans heavily on the table. 

“No, brah.  We will find him.  He can’t just disappear.  He’s out there somewhere and we ARE going to find him.  We won’t stop looking until we do.”  

Danny looks up into her eyes, seeing her determination there.  The gratefulness he feels almost overwhelms him and he has to look away.  He can only nod, knowing that they understand how he feels about Steve.  “All right.  Well, once Chin is done, let’s get over to Kyo’s house and see if we can find anything that might tell us why he met with Steve.”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Steve walks out into the main room and he immediately feels a different vibe coming off the group.  Things had not been so bad lately and he’d quietly appreciated the break.  Mano had not been to visit him for over a week and Kayla had been a great help in keeping him healthy.  But now the mood is definitely cold; almost back to the first day when he’d been dragged in.  

He sits down in his chair and looks around the room.  All eyes are on him except for Kayla whose eyes are cast down toward the floor.  That tells him it’s bad and he prepares himself for the worst. 

“Well, well, well, Commander.  Your partner has been busy.”  Mano says, standing up and walking over to where Steve is sitting.  

Steve looks down, knowing not to look him in the eye and stays perfectly still.  

“Don’t you wish to know what he’s been up to?”  Mano stops in front of him, hands on hips and glares down at the top of Steve’s head. 

“Uh, yes, sir.”  Steve mumbles, still looking at the floor.  

“Good.”  Mano walks behind the chair and grabs Steve by his long hair, yanking his head up and back.  “He has not been listening.  He’s been trying to find you and has brought in outside help.”  He pulls harder.  Steve whimpers as his neck presses against the back of the chair, head pulled back so he’s looking directly at the ceiling.  “Do you hear me?”  He yells, his face an inch away from Steve’s.  

“Yes, sir.  I do hear you, sir.”  His voice no more than a whisper.  His body is taut, hands curled around the arms of the chair to keep from being pulled over the back.  “Who did he contact, sir?”  He knows that is what Mano wants to hear. 

“Oh, my dear Commander, he brought in your SEAL buddy, Sam Hanna.  They found the router we had for the phone and now know you are not in California.  That creates a small problem for us.”  He lets go of Steve’s hair and walks back around to the front of the chair.  He leans over, smiling at the pain Steve feels from stretching torn and strained tendons.  “See, without that router, there is a chance they may find out where we are and we cannot have that.  Not yet.  Not until we know the DA is not going to retry Matuso after another hung jury.  No, we can’t give them that chance.”  He starts to pace before Steve.  

“Why not move, sir?”  Steve asks, the words coming out of his mouth before he could stop them.  

Mano turns on him, his anger clear on his face.  “Move?  Move?  Did you suggest we move?”  He backhands Steve, splitting open his already tender lower lip.  “This operation was months in the planning:  the contract, then bringing you here and making sure no one can track you.  Moving would give them a much better chance at finding us and that cannot happen.  No, we need to make sure he does not look for you or go anywhere near the case in LA.”

Steve feels fear at those words.  He’s convinced this will be the end.  They are going to make another video and this time go too far.  The fact that Mano is so calm and collected puts the fear deep in his heart.  “What are you going to do, sir?”  He whispers.  

Mano laughs.  “Oh, your partner is going to have to make a big decision.  Probably the biggest one of his life.”  He continues to chuckle.  “Yeah, I think this will do it.  Once he finds out the whole truth.”

Steve uses all his willpower to keep from looking up into Mano’s eyes at that comment.  He’d been glad that Danny had not idea why he was here.  If he did, he would take all the blame.  He would feel it’s his fault that Steve is where he is.  Won’t matter that Steve chose this all for himself.  Danny would still take the blame.  “No, please, don’t tell him.”  He mumbles, spitting blood out onto his pants.   He knows better than to spit it on the floor.  Then last time he did that, he had to lick it up off the floor.  

“He needs to know so he can make an informed decision, my dear Commander.  I mean, how can he make the right decision if he doesn’t have all the facts?  Huh?”  He punctuates his last word with another backhand.  

Unable to stop it, blood spatters all over from the split lip.  He licks at the remains dripping out of his mouth but he can’t help but become nauseated at the idea of licking up the floor again.  “Please.  I’m begging you, sir.  He doesn’t need to know about his kids.”  He begs.  

“Too late for begging, Commander.  Decision has been made.  I hope you are ready.”

Steve almost panics at the thought of Danny seeing him in his condition.  He’s given up wearing a shirt and even shoes.  He only puts his pants on cause the chair can be quite uncomfortable without them.  And he looks for anything to help him feel comfort.  “Video, sir?”  he whispers. 

Mano stalks around him, shaking his head.  “No, I don’t think so.  In fact, I want this one to be a bit more private.”  He waves his hand.  “Everyone out.”  He commands them.  They all look confused, but no one contradicts him and they file out.  When the room is empty, Mano walks around to face Steve.  “I want him to suffer.  I want him to feel completely helpless and guilty that you are in the position you are in, McGarrett.  If I can’t hurt him physically, I will crush him emotionally.”  He grins.  

“Why?”  The word catches in his throat.   _ Why does he want to hurt Danny so much?   _

“Cause he can’t follow simple directions.  He’s apparently been looking for you this whole time.  He should have just left things alone.  He needs to suffer as much as you are.”  He smiles and Steve shivers at the hatred behind that smile. 

“No.  Please.”  Steve begs again.  He tries to keep Mano in his sight, but he disappears behind him.  He hears movement and then he jerks forward as he feels a sharp prick in his neck.  “What??”  

“I need you obedient, McGarrett.  I don’t need you giving him any secret hints or messages.  You are mine until I decide you are not.”  He hears the scraping of a chair and sees Mano sit in front of him.  “This is just going to be the two of us and the detective.  He may decide to have others around, but I only want to speak to him.”  He pulls out Steve’s phone. 

“Won’t they be able to track that now?”  Steve asks as the drug begins to take effect.  

“You think that router is the only one we have?  Please, McGarrett, you of all people should know better.”  He sits down in front of Steve again.  “Now, stand up.”  

Unable to control his reaction, he looks up questioningly into Mano’s face.  

“Stand up!”  He commands again.  Steve is unable to disobey and stands, hands at his side, feet shoulder width apart and eyes cast down.  “Strip!”  

Feeling the full effect of the drug now, Steve slips his pants off, laying them on the chair.  He stands naked before Mano, not having any idea what to expect.  

“Sit back down, lover boy.”  

Steve sits down, hands on the arms of the chair, feet flat on the floor.  He feels Mano’s rough hand on his knee and slowly slide up toward his hip.  His concentration is so on that left hand on his right leg, he doesn’t see what the right one is doing until he feels the sting of another needle in his left thigh.  He jumps, a gasp escaping his lips and he looks up at Mano.  

“I need you to be feeling….well a bit amorous for what i have in mind.”  He moves his left hand up and lightly strokes Steve’s limp cock.  “Give it a few minutes and you will be feeling, well, uh, ecstasy.”  He laughs.  

“What?”  Steve shakes his head, trying to clear it.  The feel of Mano’s hand suddenly feels so good to him.  The light touches on his balls and cock feel magical and he can’t help but get aroused.  As the fingers surround his now half-stiff cock, he moans a bit at the sensation. 

“That’s it, McGarrett.  That’s exactly what I want.”  He grips the hardening cock tighter as he pulls out the phone again and hits the speed dial for Danny.  He starts stroking up and down, watching Steve’s face.  Steve can’t help but close his eyes as his body betrays him and reacts to the stroking...and the drugs.  

“Hello?  Steve?  Steve, answer me!”  he hears over the speaker.  

“Hello, Detective.”

Heavy breathing.  “What do you want?  Where are you?”  He hears Danny demand as Mano rolls his palm over the swollen head of his cock.  “Steve, is that you?”  Comes Danny’s voice after the loud moan that escapes his throat. “Are you okay?  What are you doing to him?” 

“Oh, don’t worry, Detective, he’s fine.  In fact, he’s more than fine.”  He moves his hand faster, watching as Steve builds toward an orgasm.  Steve lays his head back against the back of the chair, relishing in the feeling building in his groin and starting to spread outwards. The combination of drugs has loosened up inhibitions as well and he can’t stop the groaning from leaving his throat.  

“What the hell are you doing to him?  Steve?  Can you hear me?  Are you really okay?”  He hears Danny’s voice come over the phone and he wants to cry out to him, but he can’t speak at the moment.  

Placing the phone on the arm of his chair, Mano reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small toy.  Well, he considers it a toy.  As he watches Steve’s face, he can feel that his is ready to explode all over himself and he moves quickly.  Taking the specially made ring, he slips it around the cock, right at the base, just before Steve comes and he smiles.  

Steve, his hips bucking and the massive orgasm building in the base of his spine, jumps when he feels the ring circle his cock and suddenly the ecstasy and bliss is gone and he is left wanting.  

Wanting and needing. 

He whimpers, his hands moving for his angry, red cock and has his hands slapped away.  “Do that again and they get cuffed.”  Is whispered at him.  He glances up into Mano’s face and the look in his eyes is purely sadistic.  

He looks down at the evil ring surrounding the base of his cock and he whines, wanting to remove it.  “Steve?  What the hell is going on?  What is he doing to you?”  Danny’s panicked voice comes over the phone again.  

“I told you, he is fine, Detective.  You need to listen.  And that is the reason for this phone call.  You are not able to listen to the simplest of instructions.”  Mano reaches out and starts lightly running his fingertips along Steve’s thighs and raging boner.  He whimpers again, wanting nothing more than to explode all over himself.  He NEEDS it. 

“What the hell are you talking about?”  Steve can hear the fear in Danny’s voice.  

“Why don’t you tell him, Commander?”  Mano caresses his cock and fondles his balls.  

Steve again, can’t help but moan, needing the damn ring to be removed so he can cum.  His need is so great that he tries to remove it again.  Stars appear in his vision as the back of Mano’s hand connects with the side of his face.  His groan is loud and unmistakable.  

“Steve?  What is going on?” Danny voice comes screaming over the phone.  

Mano stands, moving around to the back of the chair.  “Behind!”  He commands.  Steve, against everything in him, obeys, unable to deny that command.  He feels the cuffs go over his wrists.  He is now essentially helpless. 

“Oh, your boyfriend here is not capable of following instructions, either, so I have just made sure he cannot disobey.”  Steve feels him pat him on the head and sit back down in front of him.  “Now, Commander, I want you to tell him the entire story.  Exactly how this whole situation came about.”  Steve feels him place his hand back around his cock and he whimpers a bit.  “Speak, now!”  He feels a sharp tug and yelps out.  

“Steve?  Come on, babe.  Talk to me.”  Danny pleads. 

“Danny.”  He mumbles.  

“It’s all good, babe.  Come on, tell me what’s going on.” 

“Go on, Commander.  Tell him.  Tell him exactly why you are here.”  Mano says, starting to toy with him again.  

Steve takes a deep breath, trying to ignore the attention his dick is getting and concentrate on Danny.  “Danny.”  He whispers.  “I’m so sorry, Danny.  This is not what I expected when I left.  Please forgive me.”  

“What do you mean, forgive you?  You’re being held and tortured.  Why ask for forgiveness?”  

“I came willingly, Danny.”  He grits out.  Mano has not stopped touching him and his need remains high.  “I, uh, had to.  I couldn’t allow them what they wanted to do.  I didn’t have a choice.”  He closes his eyes trying to control his voice.  

“What do you mean, babe?  I don’t understand.  So they didn’t want us to testify.  We could have figured something else out.  You didn’t have to do this.  Please, if they say you can leave, just leave.”  Danny’s voice is on edge and Steve hates that he’s causing these feelings. 

“Come on, Commander, tell him the real reason.  Let him know exactly what you’ve done...for him.”  Mano chuckles.  

“Steve, what’s he talking about?  What does he mean?  What did you do for me?”

Steve just shakes his head.  He can’t say it.  He knows Danny will blame himself for his current state and he can bear the thought of that.  He can’t have Danny think that.   _ He is NOT to blame.  He had nothing to do with this.  But I know him.  No matter, he will blame himself cause it’s his kids.  Cause I did it to save Grace.   _

“Fine.  Then I will.  He did it for you.  He’s here because of you, Detective.”  

“What?  What the fuck are you talking about?” 

Mano smiles big at Steve as he palms his cock and a loud groan emanates deep in his chest.  “He traded himself for your daughter.”  

There is silence on the other end of the line.  Steve closes his eyes again, imagining Danny suddenly stopping his pacing and staring out into nowhere.  He knows exactly what is going through his love’s mind and it crushes him.  

“What do you mean, traded himself for my daughter?  Steve, what did you do?”  Danny’s voice is cool and calm.  “Steve?  What’s he talking about?”

Mano glares at him.  “Tell him!”  He commands. 

Steve swallows hard and takes a deep breath.  The hand on his cock and balls makes it hard to concentrate.  His need to cum almost overwhelms him. 

“I came across intel from one of my CI’s.  To keep you from testifying, and probably me too, there was a, uh, a contract out on Grace.  I couldn’t let her be killed, Danny.  I couldn’t.  So I set up a meeting and made a trade.”  The words start flowing and he can’t stop.  “I told them I would go with them as long as they called off the hit on her.  She has nothing to do with this and I know you would die if anything happened to her.  I had to protect her, and you.  I had no other choice.  I couldn’t tell you.  You know you would’ve gone off on a tear to find the one who put out the contract.  That would’ve made things worse.  I had to protect her, Danny.  I love her like a daughter and I had to stop it from happening.  I’m so sorry I lied.  I had to.”  He takes another deep breath, waiting for the rant he’s sure to come.

The pause is long and the hands on his dick are making him lose his mind.  “Please, Danny, tell me you understand.”  He begs.  He opens his eyes wide as he feels hot breath on the head.  Looking down, he sees the back of Mano’s head as he feels his mouth surround his cock.  A loud groan escapes his mouth as his hips thrust upward, his eyes begging to have the ring removed.  

“Steve?”  He hears Danny’s voice through the blood raging in his ears.  

“Danny.  Please, tell me you understand.”  He grits out, holding back any more groans as he watches Mano’s head bob up and down.  He understands the kind of damage that can be done if this continues and he does not get to relieve himself.  “If you go anywhere near the case or continue to try and find me, they will kill me.  I want to see you again.  I need to see you again.  Please, leave this alone.  I know they will keep their word and when Matuso is free, I will be, too.”  He can’t help the grunt as Mano runs his tongue around the bulging head.  

“Steve, babe, I can’t believe you.  You sorry, son-of-a-bitch!  You gave yourself to save my little girl?  You are going through all this to save my monkey?”  Steve can hear the tears in his voice.  He’d expected anger; hurt; incredulity; but not this understanding and sadness.  “You could have come to me.  We could have worked something else out.”

Steve shakes his head, even though he knows Danny can’t see him.  “No.  You’ve seen the reach they have.  There was no place Grace or Charlie would have been safe.  I had to do what I did to make sure they were safe.  All the intel I received, I knew I had to take care of this myself.  I have to protect you and the kids.”  A small sob finds it’s way out and Steve struggles to keep the rest in.  

He can hear Danny’s heavy breathing over the line.  Time seems to stand still as he waits for a reply.  “I don’t know what to say, Steve.  You know what my kids mean to me and for you to do this for them?  God, no one has ever done anything like this for me before.  And probably never will again.  I don’t know what to say.  This was not what I expected.  I just figured you were being your usual stubborn self and taking everything on your shoulders.  Yeah, I know you have, but not for the reason I thought.”  There’s a pause and Steve just waits.  “To do what you have...I don’t know how I can ever thank you, babe.  Makes me love you even more.”  

Steve muffles another groan as Mano takes him in all the way down to the ring.  He can’t believe this is happening to him while possibly speaking to Danny for the last time.  He clenches his hands into fists behind him, wanting to break free and snap Mano’s neck.  Then remove the ring and get himself off.  He can’t help the grunt as his angry, swollen cock pops out of Mano’s mouth. 

“Steve?  You okay?  What’s happening?”  

He can’t bring himself to tell Danny what is truly going on.  “I’m good.  Don’t worry.  Just tell me you’ll leave this alone.” 

“I can’t, babe.  I have to find you.  Bring you home safe.  If it takes the rest of my life, I will find you.”

Mano shakes his head, anger gleaming in his eyes.  “You sure you wanna do that, Detective?  Huh?  Did you not hear what your lover said?”

“You won’t kill him.  You enjoy what you are doing too much!”

“Oh, my dear Detective, you are so wrong.  There is always another to move on to.  No shortage there.  But let me make this easier for you.  Or what should be easier for you.”  He grins viciously at Steve.  “You have a choice.  Your lover or your kids.”

Steve shakes his head.  “No, you promised they are safe.”  he whispers.  

“What do you mean?  Steve or my kids?”  Danny voice is angry...full of rage. 

“Just what I said.  If you keep looking for him, they are all dead.  You help in any way with the case, they are all dead.  You stay away from him and the case, he may still die from our games but your kids will be safe.  If he makes it to the end, we will let him go as originally negotiated.  So you have a choice.  You can continue to look for him and lose everyone that is important to you or...leave him be and your kids will be left alone.  I mean, you’ve seen what we’ve done to the Commander.  Think about that being done to your beautiful daughter.”  Mano laughs, evil and lust in his eyes.  

“You wouldn’t?”  Danny whispers. 

“Please, Danno.  Let it go.  They will and I could not live with that.  Protect Grace and Charlie.  They are most important.”  Steve begs him.  

“I hope you will make the right decision, Detective.”

Steve hears Danny take a deep breath, letting it out slowly.  “Steve, I can’t.  I can’t make this decision.  You all mean too much to me.”  

“Danny, please.  You have all the intel there.  I know you have it.  It explains everything.  You know what you need to do.”  He grunts as Mano toys with him, keeping right on that edge.  

“Steve, babe, you mean so much to me.  To all of us.  I don’t know what to do.  I need you home.  The kids need you home.  Our o’hana need you home.  Why can’t you understand that.  We all need you.  Please Steve, what can I do?”  

“Let me go, Danny.”  

He hears a sob come over the phone.  “You are the love of my life, Steven.  More than Melissa, more than Rachel.  I can’t live without you.  You will come home.  You have to.  You have to know:  you will not be forgotten.  You are loved.  You will make it home.”  

Steve swallows hard at these words.  

“So, what is your decision, Detective?”  Mano asks.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will Danny do? Choose his kids or Steve?   
> %%%%  
> Reunion is close at hand, though not in the way many of you want. One more chapter and then the healing begins.   
> Again, the muse likes to hear what you think. She is a fickle mistress and the more feedback she gets, the faster she works.   
> THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH ME ON THIS JOURNEY!


	11. Life Goes On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To have to choose between my children, who mean more to me than my own life, and the one person who has been honest with me since the first day I met him and always had my back, whether he agreed with me or not. How he will ever be able to look me in the eye again...I don’t know. I know he said that the kids are the most important choice, but still. I love him with my whole being and to have to just abandon him to whatever they want to do to him? To not look for him, find him and bring him home where he’d be safe? How can I live with myself if I give up? But if I don’t, I could lose my kids? I can’t live with that, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a couple chapters posted at this time. I am trying to complete this story before I no longer have access to the internet. Bear with me.   
> Not beta'd. All mistakes are mine. I am not a doctor nor have extensive medical knowledge. Google is my friend.

Chapter Eleven:  Life Goes On

            Danny sits on the chair, staring at floor, his face stained with tears, eyes bloodshot and puffy.  He can’t believe the decision he was just forced to make, and his soul has been ripped into tiny little pieces.  _To have to choose between my children, who mean more to me than my own life, and the one person who has been honest with me since the first day I met him and always had my back, whether he agreed with me or not.  How he will ever be able to look me in the eye again...I don’t know.  I know he said that the kids are the most important choice, but still.  I love him with my whole being and to have to just abandon him to whatever they want to do to him?  To not look for him, find him and bring him home where he’d be safe?  How can I live with myself if I give up?  But if I don’t, I could lose my kids?  I can’t live with that, either._ So he did what he had to _._

            It doesn’t mean he has to like it.  Or that he must give up.  He can still look for Steve...he just can’t bring in anyone from the outside and it ONLY is to be discussed in the office.  Nowhere else.  They know they are not being monitored at HQ.  No matter what he said to that psycho, he will never give up on finding Steve. 

            Yet, there is one thing that bothers him.  One sentence Steve said.  ‘You have all the intel.’  He doesn’t know what was meant by that.  He sits forward, elbows on knees looking around the room trying to figure out what he meant.  Without even thinking, his eyes land on a pile of mail and paperwork he’d brought home from the office.  Especially the large manila envelope.  He reaches over, pulling it out from the pile, ignoring the rest of it as it falls to the floor.  He sees the lawyer’s name in the corner of the envelope and his name in big, bold letters. 

                                    DETECTIVE DANIEL WILLIAMS

            Hands shaking, he tears it open and pulls out the paperwork. He shakes his head; not sure he’s seeing it right.  He sees many words that seem to jumble in his head. 

            **_‘transfer of deed’  ‘complete transfer of assets’  ‘trustee of estate’  ‘upon death’  ‘house and all that pertain transfer to trustee’_**

            He can’t wrap his mind around all those phrases.  It’s as if Steve gave up before he even left.  _Leaving me the house?  Transfer of all these assets to take care of the house?  What, am I supposed to move into his house?  No!  He’s still alive!  I can’t do that.  That would be like saying he’s dead.  What they hell was he thinking when he did this?  He was thinking he wouldn’t be coming back, that’s what he was thinking!  Well, DAMN HIM!  He can’t do this to me!  It’s not fair!  He can’t leave and expect me to just move into his house and act like nothing’s wrong._

            He tosses the papers across the room, watching as they scatter all over the furniture and floor.  The anger building in him, he starts throwing anything and everything he can get his hands on:  pillows, cushions, bowls, glasses, lamps.... whatever he could grab. 

            He stops short just before he throws the latest object in his hand.  The glint on the silver frame catches his eye and he gasps when he realizes what it is.  He stands in the middle of the room, breathing heavy, sweat dripping from his hair down his face and falling onto his t-shirt and he starts to hyperventilate when the picture in the broken frame and glass comes into view between the sweat and tears in his eyes.  It was he and Steve, standing below the trellis in front of Steve’s house.  They had just returned from Atlantic City.  They had stopped and picked up the kids for a couple of days and Grace had snapped the picture on her phone.  They were standing, staring at each other, not realizing they were being watched.  His breath catches again at the sight of the two of them, gazing at each other, knowing their true feelings for each other and looking forward to starting their lives together as more than just friends and work partners. 

            He cradles the picture and frame in his hands, not even seeing the tears that fall on the broken glass.  Without warning, he falls to the floor, unable to hold back the full extent of his emotions.  He sits cross-legged, hugging the picture to his chest, ignoring the cuts on his fingers from running them over the picture and the sobs wrack his body.  He can no longer hold them in and he doesn’t really want to any more. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            Steve lies on the bed, curled up in a fetal position, not caring what happens to him anymore.  The last 24 hours have been hell; nerves raw and emotions completely drained.  After the call had ended, all Steve’s body wanted was release.  But his mind and soul wanted to kill.  Kill Mano for the pain he knows Danny is feeling.  Kill him for the decision he forced Danny to make.  But he knew if he did that, they were all dead.  Danny had made the right decision.  He had to.  There really had been no choice.  The kids, especially Grace, were the reason he was here in the first place and they are top priority.  Nothing else matters.  Certainly not his life. 

            So the call had ended.  The last words he heard from Danny were ‘you will not be forgotten; you are loved; you will make it home’.  After those, Mano had taken the phone off speaker and finished the conversation.  He had smiled when he hung up the phone, telling Steve how torn up Danny was and the amount of pain he was in.  Steve could see how much Mano was enjoying that pain and then adding the pain Steve could not hide from him.  He also saw how excited it made Mano. 

            Steve had known what was coming next and he found he really didn’t care.  Whatever was done to him didn’t matter anymore.  His life was over as he knew it.  But Mano surprised him one more time.  He wanted Steve to fuck him.  He’d never demanded that before and Steve was hoping it would stay that way.  There had been a small spark of hope that, if he ever did return to Danny, he would have at least one first with him.  Now that hope was gone.  Mano had taken him to a point of no return and he was willing to do anything to get release.  The threat that if he didn’t do what Mano wanted it would be cut off, well, that helped. 

            He did what Mano wanted, as much as it disgusted him, and he wished for the stronger drugs that allowed him to simply obey and have no control over anything he does.  But he needed that relief.  After that Mano needed his own relief and Steve was that relief.  Unfortunately, he hadn’t suffered enough for Mano and he had everyone come back in and use him until they were all satisfied. 

            Once back in his room, he’d jumped in the shower, scrubbed himself raw with water that turned his skin red and steamed up the entire room.  No matter, he could still feel their deposits seeping out of him.  Curling up on his side, he wished for drugs they’d been giving him daily.  He wants to forget.  He wants to never remember what’s happened to him over the last nine months and however many months he has to go. 

            Lying here now, he almost wants to ask Lyssa to give him the drugs.  Hell, give him as much as they want.  Do what they want to him until he can take no more.  With what happened, he knows he’s never gonna see Danny again.  After all that has happened, he doesn’t want to see Danny again.  The thought of seeing him makes him sick to his stomach.  He leans over the edge of the bed and empties his stomach.  He doesn’t even have the energy to grab the trash can.  Laying his head back on the pillow, he can’t imagine where his life is going from here.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            He sits across the desk, not able to process all that he was just told.  The words still make no sense to him.  The lawyer has told him over and over that the house is his.  That Steve left him as trustee to his estate and access to all his finances to help with upkeep and such.  Certain things were left to Mary, but the rest is his.  One hundred percent his and there is nothing he can do to stop it.  It’s all legal and done.  Even if he never moves in, which he is still not sure he would ever be able to, the house has been transferred to his name.  Many times, it’s been said that it would be financially smart for him to move in.  The rent he’s paying is a crazy amount and he, in essence, would not have to put any money into the house.

            He had no idea that Steve was in such good financial standings, but with the Navy pension, his investments and the contract with the task force, Danny will pretty much never have to put a dime toward the upkeep of the house and lands. But none of that matters to him.  All he can think about, and all that he wants, is Steve home, safe and sound.  He would give everything away to have him back.

            “Danny, do you understand?”  The lawyer asks.

            Danny shakes his head, clearing the cobwebs.  “I just don’t get it.  Why would he do all this?  It’s as if he didn’t plan on coming back.”  He says for about the fifth time.

            “I know it’s hard, but he wanted to be ready for any possibility.  Right now, you simply have power-of-attorney.  From what you say, he is alive.  But he wanted the house to be put in your name if he did not return within six months.  The POA gives you authority over all his finances to help keep up the house...taxes, utilities, insurance, etc.  If, God forbid, he passes, he also filled out all the paperwork for you to be the trustee.  It’s all very simple, Danny.  He took care of everything.  Nothing to be disputed.  I just need to have you sign these papers, having them notarized and witnessed, and it will be done.  Everything is in order.  These were his express wishes.  He wanted you and the kids to have a place to call home with no worries.  His letter stated he wants you to move in as soon as the paperwork is done.  Of course, that should have been done three months ago, but we can get it done now.  By the weekend, the house will be yours.” 

            Danny looks at all the papers on the desk, still confused about it all.  _Dammit Steve!  If I’d known about this three months ago, I would have moved heaven and earth to find you and bring you home.  Nothing would have stopped me.  I would have put the kids, Rachel and Stan into protective custody and moved them halfway around the world so I could find you!  Dammit, I don’t want this.  I don’t want any of this!_ His mind is filled with a cacophony of thoughts and voices and he shakes his head again to try and clear them out.

            “This weekend?” 

            “Yes.  If you sign all the paperwork today, I can get this filed and by Saturday, the house will be yours and you can move in.”  He smiles.

            That’s more than Danny can take.  “Move in?!  MOVE IN?  I don’t want the house. I couldn’t care less about the finances and the power of attorney.  None of that matters.  You really think I wanna move into the house of the man I love and act like it’s no big deal?  Son of a...I just want him back.  I can’t even think about moving into his house.”  His hands are moving a mile a minute, emphasizing his distaste at the thought of moving into the Steve’s house. 

            “He thought you might feel that way.”  The lawyer slides a sealed envelope across the desk.  “He requested that you be given this letter if this is your reaction.” 

            Danny stares at the envelope, his name in Steve’s handwriting across the front of it.  Reaching out, his hand shakes as he picks it up, sliding his finger along top, opening it.  He unfolds the paper, blinking several times to try and clear the tears from his eyes.  He’s not sure he wants to read it.  His emotions right now are all over the place, going from fear to anger to heartache in a matter of seconds. 

            **Danny-**

**I know what you are thinking right now.  You have no intention of moving into the house.  You are going to find me and allow me to keep my home.  But it hasn’t been ‘my home’ for quite some time.  It’s been ours for years.  Hell, it’s been part yours since that first time you walked in without knocking, carrying your malasada and that ridiculous tie around your neck.  No matter what else has happened, that house is as much your home as it is mine.  Please, don’t think of it as saying goodbye but as starting our life together.  Be there for me when I return.  I don’t know what’s going to happen to me, but I do plan on returning to you.  I want you to be there when I do.  You and the kids.  Please, Danny, don’t say no.  I did this to know that you are taken care of and the kids have a great place to live.  Who can say no to having the beach just out the back door?**

**Accept all I give you.  I give it freely and ask you to take it.  I want you to have it.  You are my family.  I love you.  I love the kids.  Forgive me for what I have done, but it was done for the best of reasons.  Be happy and I will return to you.**

**Steve**

            He can’t help the tears from falling on the letter as he blinks and tries to clear them. 

            “Are you okay, Danny?”  The lawyer asks.

            He clears his throat, wipes his eyes and looks up.  “Yeah.  Where’s that notary and witness?  Let’s get this done.”

            %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            Breaking down the last box and throwing it on the pile, he looks around.  He didn’t have the heart to change much down here.  He brought in his dining table and chairs and moved the small settee from the middle wall to put up pictures of him and the kids.  He couldn’t put up the ones of him and Steve...not yet.  This was all still to raw.  Living in his house (he will always see it as Steve’s) was a tough decision, but he did it.  Once he was able to calm down and think clearly, he realized he was just being overly emotional and hanging on to an unrealistic dream.  Even if Steve does make it home, he’s not going to be the same.  After what he’s seen being done to him, Danny knows Steve will not be the same person as before he left.  Being used and tortured will have a dramatic effect on him and Danny just hopes they can have some kind of life together.  Moving in here is the best way he can help make that happen. 

            “I have to be here for him when he comes home.”  He mumbles to himself.  He gathers up the pile of broken down boxes and takes them out to the garage until trash day.  Glancing around, he sees the furniture he did replace, covered and stored out here until Steve comes back.  There is the settee; the dining table; Steve’s bed and bedroom furniture; a few items from the other bedrooms to move in Grace and Charlie’s furniture.  He’d decided he couldn’t sleep every night in Steve’s bed so he replaced the entire room with his furniture.  They can decide what to do when Steve gets back.  He places the boxes down and pauses for a minute.  Closing his eyes, he breathes deep, trying to calm himself.  Ever since that last call, he’d felt panicked every time he thinks about the possibility of never seeing Steve again.  And everywhere he looks, he’s reminded of him and that fact.  It got so bad, he’d gone to see the staff psychiatrist, who wanted to prescribe anti-anxiety meds but he’d declined.  The last thing he needed was medication taking away his edge.  So the doctor had shown him some exercises to help when he felt a panic attack coming on and so far, it’s been kept in check. 

            After a few minutes, he nods his head and goes back into the house.  He needs to make a list of everything he needs since Grace and Charlie are coming for the weekend.  He hopes they feel at home here as much as they did at his old place. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            He slowly opens his eyes as he hears the door open.  He hadn’t been asleep but closing his eyes helps keep reality out.  Hearing the clickety-clack of high heels on the floor, he quickly gets out of bed, standing with hands clasped behind his back, feet shoulder width apart and eyes on the floor in front of his feet.  He sees the heels come into view and he tenses a bit. 

            “Good morning.”  He states.

            “Good morning, Steve.  Do you know what today is?  Huh?”  She laughs, sitting in the chair in front of him. 

            “No, Lyssa.  I do not.” 

            “Oh, my poor baby.  It has been one year.”  She motions at him.  He catches it just out of the corner of his eye.  “One year since you surrendered to us.”  She smiles big.  She nods and he sits down on the bed, eyes still on the floor.  “Oh, Steve, at ease, sailor.” 

            He relaxes a bit, looking up at her.  “A year?”

            “Yes!  You have managed to survive twelve months with us.  That’s the longest anyone has ever lived.  You are definitely something special.”  She leans forward.  “I have enjoyed our time together very much, Steve.  I look forward to more in the future.”

            “More?” 

            “Yes, the DA has not yet decided if he’s going to try Matuso again.  I’m not sure what your partner is telling him, but it seems to making him think twice about filing a third time.  From what we know, if he doesn’t file within the next six months, the statutes run out and you will be free.  We will let you go.” 

            “Free?  I must stay.”  He states.

            “Oh, my dear Steve, those drugs are really doing a job on you, aren’t they?”  She laughs.  “Remember, you can leave if we let you go.  And we will.”  She grins, knowing that he won’t remember any of this. 

            Three months ago, after that last call, he had requested the drugs.  He no longer wanted to remember.  He knew he had made promises to return, but he was going to have to break those promises.  So he’d requested the drugs. 

            “Go?”

            “Yes, Steve.  You will be able to leave.  We will let you go in six months, if you can survive.  I certainly hope you do.  But for today, we will give you the day off for this momentous anniversary.  Maybe even two.”  She motions to Kayla, standing at the door.  She walks over with his morning meal.  “Here’s your breakfast.  Be sure to eat and drink it all.  It will make you feel so much better.”  She stands as Kayla puts the tray down.  Steve immediately stands, same position as when she came in.  “You are such a good boy, Steve.  You have become so subservient.  I’m glad to see that.”  She gives him a pat on the cheek and leaves, Kayla right behind her. 

            Upon hearing the door close, he sits down and eats the food.  He always feels better after eating or drinking whatever they bring him.  And getting the day off?  He likes the idea of no more pain.  Even if only for the day.  His brow creases as he thinks back on what she said.  Retrial?  What was she talking about?  Matuso?  Who is that?  He tries to think back but there’s nothing.  Subconsciously, his hand slips into his pocket and his thumb rubs the chip.  _Danny.  I don’t remember who he is but I know he means safety; love; home.  If I can ever get back to him, I will be home and loved._

            He finishes his meal, lies back on the bed and slowly slips into a restless, forgotten memories sleep. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            “Anything?”  Danny approaches the table.

            Kono shakes her head.  “Not really.  We’ve been looking for almost six months under the radar.  These guys are good, Danny.  They know how to hide any trace.”

            “Nothing?  I just can’t believe that!” 

            “Every time we think we get a lead, it dead ends and we are back where we started.   I can’t help but think…”

            “NO!”  He interrupts Chin.  “No, he’s not dead.  He’s around somewhere.  We can’t give up.”  He pleads with them. 

            “Danny, we have no intention of giving up, man.  But ya gotta admit, we are hitting dead ends everywhere we turn.  We need some kind of new lead on these guys.  Hell, we don’t even know where they are.”  Lou tries to calm him down. 

            Danny leans on the table, nodding his head.  “I know, Lou, I know.  They could be on the other side of the world, but my gut tells me he’s closer than we think.”

            “Well, we’ve checked all the islands, Danny and we can’t find anything.  If they are here, they’re not standing out.  But there are a lot of places they could hide and never be found in these islands.” 

            “I know, Chin.  It’s just so frustrating.  I can feel that he’s close, but I have no idea where or how close.  I’m convinced that after arriving in LA, they somehow turned around and headed right back here.  But there are so many small, uninhabited islands here, too, it’ll take too long to search each and every one.”  He looks around the table.  “I can’t give up, guys, but I can’t ask you to keep this up.”

            “What the hell?  Of course we’re gonna keep looking for him.  We won’t stop until he’s back home.  Count on that, man!”  Lou assures him. 

            Danny looks around at them all, giving thanks for these people in his life. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            He watches the kids as they play in the water, a little more thankful each passing day that he’d decided to move in to the house.  Grace and Charlie love spending time here with the beach just outside the back door.  He’d put down a few rules and, so far, they’d obeyed them, so he was feeling better about having the water so close.  Of course, they ask about Steve almost every day they spend with him and he has to continue to lie to them about where he is but he certainly can’t tell them the truth.  Oh, Grace would understand but she would feel so guilty and he can’t put that on his little girl.  Charlie is just too young to understand.  So he tells them that he’s on some super, secret mission and will be home soon. 

            They seem to accept that.

            He hates lying to them but he has no choice.  Hell, he had to lie to everyone but the team.  They were the only ones who knew what was going on and he was so honored to have them backing him one hundred percent.  They’ve never stopped looking for Steve, no matter how many dead ends they run up against.  He knows they will never stop until they find him.  They love him almost as much as he does and he is just as important to them.  Almost every day he marvels at the people that Steve brought together and the loyalty and love they have for each other.  He would not survive this but for them.  They been his support system through all of this and he knows he will never be able to thank them enough for all that they have done; more than just looking for Steve.  They have helped him stay sane.  Simple as that.  He’d have gone off the deep end by now without them.  Even those he can’t tell know how much he misses Steve and give their support in ways that mean the world to him. 

            Concentrating on his two children, he smiles seeing them having so much fun.  Moments like this give him comfort, even if they don’t know it.  He cherishes all the time with them and has started taking video of them so he can show Steve when he returns. 

            And he will return.

            Of that Danny has no doubt.  He has no idea the shape he will be in or what he remembers but that won’t matter.  Having him home will be enough and they can work on all the rest.  After what he saw, when Steve makes it back to him, he knows there will major physical therapy and psychological therapy needed.  He will do whatever is needed to bring Steve back to him enough that they can spend the rest of their lives together. 

            Steve. 

            No matter what he’s doing or trying to focus on, his thoughts always, ALWAYS, come back to him.  Every minute of every day is filled with thoughts of him, even in his dreams, if one could call them that.  He’s not sure if they’re dreams or nightmares but either way, they are there with him every night.  He just hopes reality turns out better than those damn dreams.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            He opens his eyes and notices the change right away.  The shadows are wrong.  They should be in different places on the walls and floor.  Panic immediately sets in and he sits up, the pain forgotten for a moment.  He knows the punishment for not being where he’s supposed to be and he wants to avoid that at all costs.  He pulls on his pants and stands, swaying a bit.  He walks to the door, dreading what’s on the other side but he knows if he doesn’t go out there, it will be much worse.            Opening the door, he’s stunned.

            The room is completely empty. 

            He glances back into his room, seeing everything still there and then back out into the main room.  It’s completely empty but for a small table in the middle of the room with a sheet of paper on it.  His footsteps echo as he makes his way to the table and picks up the paper. 

            **Congratulations Commander!**

**You made it.  You may leave.  As you can see, we have already packed up and disappeared into the night, as we do.  You are free.  The time has elapsed for the DA to retry and our job has been done.  Go where you wish.  I have left a supply of the drugs you crave so much with your meager belongings.  Return home, if you can remember where that is and live out your life.  I would say remember us with fondness, but in a few days, I don’t think you will remember us at all.  I must say, your time with us proved to be the best.  You survived against all odds and we are keeping our original agreement.**

**Good luck, my dear Commander.  You are a worthy adversary.**

**Lyssa and crew.**

            He looks around, not sure what all this means.  The only words that make sense are the ones telling him he’s free; that he can leave.  Other than that, it makes no sense.  He has no idea what they mean in regards to retrying anything.  And home?  He has no idea where that is.  Hell, he doesn’t even know what his name is.  All he knows is he is supposed to stay alive, at all costs.  He is not to leave until told he can leave.  And Danny.  He reaches into his pants pocket and rubs the chip.  He doesn’t know who Danny is or what his relationship is to him, just Danny.  And that Danny means safety, love and home. 

            Looking around again, he is convinced this is some kind of test.  He rushes back into his room, closing the door.  He crumples up the note, throwing it into the trash, sits down on the bed and waits. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will they ever get together? Will Danny ever find the love of his life alive again? Stay turned.


	12. Long Road Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several days later, when no one has come to get him, and he’s had nothing to eat, he slowly gathers his belongings, fills a few bottles with water and makes his way out of the house. He squints at the sunlight, not able to remember the last time he’d seen the sun. He shields his eyes with his hand, seeing nothing but trees and foliage. He has no idea where he is or where he’s to go so he picks a direction and starts walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's SO CLOSE!

Chapter 12:  Long Road Home

            Several days later, when no one has come to get him, and he’s had nothing to eat, he slowly gathers his belongings, fills a few bottles with water and makes his way out of the house.  He squints at the sunlight, not able to remember the last time he’d seen the sun.  He shields his eyes with his hand, seeing nothing but trees and foliage.  He has no idea where he is or where he’s to go so he picks a direction and starts walking.

            It’s a tough time for him, his injuries taking their toll on him, but he keeps going.  Something inside him tells him that he cannot stop.  There is somewhere he must get to, yet he has no idea where or to what, just that he needs to get there.  Once on his own, he can no longer deny that longing. 

            The trek through the jungle is hard and he has to stop often, but he finally reaches the edge and sees a house.  Having run out of his supply of water the day before, he struggles up to the building, hoping they will take pity on him and give him some help.  He’s willing to do whatever they want for a small bit of food, water and a covered place to sleep.

&&&&&

            “I don’t know what he’s been through or what kind of life he’s had, but he’s a hard worker and willing to do most anything.”  The older woman, Anola, says to her husband.  “And you can certainly use the help for the next couple of months.” 

            “I know you are right,” Tomas, her husband, replies, “but there is something familiar about him.  I just don’t know what it is.”

            “Well, he’s been here a week and he does not seem to be any danger.  I don’t believe he has it in him to harm another living soul.  If he wishes to stay, we should let him.  He’s been through enough, dear.”

            “As usual, you are right, love.  He can stay.  The spare room is just sitting empty anyway.  Once the first load gets to market, we can even begin paying him a small amount.”

            “And you are always so generous.  We can tell him in the morning.”  She kisses him on the cheek before rolling over, turning off the light on her bedside table. 

            Tomas, still bothered by the familiarity, reaches for his tablet, turns it on and opens a search for missing people.  He types in the only name the man has given them, Danny. 

            The next morning, they inform ‘Danny’ that he can stay for the next couple of months, cause they can use the help, and he is overly grateful.  To just have a place to sleep, good food and the waning fear of being woken up in the middle of the night and being told this was all just a dream. 

            As the weeks pass, ‘Danny’ becomes less and less afraid and works hard for the kind couple.  As discussed, they begin to pay him a small salary for his work besides providing room and board.  One night, about two months after he first appeared, they are eating dinner and he asks a question that surprises them. 

            “What island are we on?  I’ve heard you discussing this island, but I have no idea what island this is.”  He asks between bites.    

            Anola looks at her husband, surprised. 

            “Um, Danny, we are on the big island.  The big island of Hawaii.  How do you not know that?”

            He looks down at his plate, ashamed of his answer.  “As I told you, I do not know remember any of my past.  I do not know who or where I am.”

            Anola pats his hand resting on the table.  “Do not worry dear.  You have been such a joy to have here with us, we have decided to ask you to stay with us even when the work is completed.”             

            He looks up, from face to face, gratefulness on his face.  He knows he would be dead by now if he’d not happened upon this farm and the kindness of this couple.  He gets ready to broach the subject further.

            “Would it possible, maybe after dinner, to see a map?  I would just like to know where I am.” 

            The older couple look at each other, smiling.  “Of course, dear.  We can pull up the islands on the computer and show you exactly where you are.  Would that help?”  Anola looks at him, pity almost filling her face. 

            “That would be wonderful, Anola.  I would really appreciate it.” 

            With that decided, they finish dinner discussing the farm and the work that still needs to be completed. 

            Hours later, Steve sits on one of the wood chairs in the back, gazing at the night sky, waiting for the moon to rise.  He’s been bothered ever since seeing the map of all the islands.  As soon as he saw the island of Oahu on the map, he felt an almost uncontrollable pull.  Something in him demands that he get to that island.  He hates to leave these kind people and he will not until all the work has been done, but he needs to get to that island, no matter the means. 

            The next morning, he informs Anola and Tomas of his decision, and though they wish he wouldn’t leave, they cannot force him to stay.  Tomas informs him they have about two months left of work for him so if he can stay on that long, he would even provide him a bonus which would be enough to get him passage to Oahu.  They inform him that life there is a bit different than here on the big island, things moving a little faster and much more expensive. 

            He assures them that he will be fine.  That with their generosity, he will be fine.  He has not spent any of the small salary they have given him and that if they are willing to provide the fare, he should not have any problems.  He tells them that he is sure, even though life is different on that island, there will be kind folk just like them. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            Danny pulls out his phone as the annoying alert starts blaring at him.  Hitting end, he gets out of his chair and makes his way down the basement. 

            “You rang, Jerry?”  he states as he walks into the room Jerry calls his bunker. 

            “Dude, I may have good news.”  He smiles big. 

            “You found him?  If you did that, I will give you whatever you want, Jer!”  Danny goes over, slapping the big man on the back. 

            “Well, not quite but it may lead to that.”

            “What?  What else would be good news?”  He scowls at the man now. 

            “Well, let me explain.  I have been monitoring the dark web, specifically anything referring to Mano.  For the most part, it’s been quiet.  But this morning that all changed.”

            “What would that have anything to do with finding Steve?  Huh?  Just being mentioned is not a big deal.”

            “Au contraire, mon ami.  Any time Mano is mentioned means a big change.” 

            “Just tell me, Jerry!”  Danny glances up as Kono, Chin and Lou come in. 

            “Well, apparently Mano has taken a new job.  Now, he never takes a new one until he has finished the previous one.  So that would mean that his job pertaining to Steve is completed.”

            “Well, we know that.  The DA didn’t refile in time and that case is done and buried.  That would definitely put an end to the job with Steve.”  Chin states the obvious.

            “Most definitively, Captain Obvious.  However, in previous jobs, they have always posted pictures and results of the previous job.  Usually grotesque final shots of the one they were holding, showing them in death.”

            “Yeah?  So?”  Kono asks.

            “Well, my dear Officer Kalakaua, there are no such pictures of the Commander.  Not a single one.  Nothing referencing their previous job.  I went back years, covered all their previous jobs and never has this happened before.  It can only mean one thing!”

            They all look at each other, the significance of that exclusion sinking in. 

            “Steve’s still alive.”  Danny whispers.

            “Correct, Detective.  The Commander is still alive, somewhere.”  Jerry sits back in his chair, a big smile on his face. 

            “He’s alive and out there somewhere.  That is good news, Jer!”  Chin goes to his other side and, like Danny, slaps him on the shoulder. 

            “But where?”  Danny muses, almost not loud enough for anyone to hear. 

            Lou moves next to him, his arm around his shoulders.  “Let’s celebrate this small win right now.  Steve is alive.  With this all over, we can now use our full resources to find him.  They never said we couldn’t do that once this was over.” 

            Danny looks up at the tall man, resign on his face.  “You’re right there, Lou.  Let’s get upstairs and start calling in the cavalry.” 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            As the team musters up anyone they can think of to help locate him, Steve sits up slowly, looking around the small room he’s in.  He carefully touches the healing injury on his head and sighs deeply.

            He’d finished the work for Anola and Tomas and they had kept their word.  They provided him with enough to get passage from the Big Island over to Oahu and had even driven him to the docks.  Once he’d landed, the pull he felt was even stronger and he began making his way across the island.  About a week later, his luck changed, and he’d been jumped, beaten and robbed.  They’d taken all his money, given him a good beating including a concussion and left him on the side of the road.  If a kind family hadn’t rendered him assistance, he might have died. 

            So he finds himself in the small guestroom, recovering from his injuries.  At least they’d left him the chip.  He reaches for it on the bedside table and curls his hand around it.  The only property he has that has any real meaning to him.  Luckily the smallest child had found it thrown away near him and they’d kept it, figuring it had to belong to him.  How right they had been.  He reaches for his pants and shirt, needing to get up and move.  He’s spent too much time here and feels as though he’s taking advantage of their kindness.  He gathers his meager belongings, puts on the torn coat he has and makes his way out into the main part of the house. 

            It’s midday so the kids are all in school, the father at work and he’s left with just the matriarch of the household. 

            “Oh.  You are up.  How are you feeling?”  He hears her ask from behind him. 

            Turning slowly, he notices her eyes as she takes in all he has.  “Much better, thank you.”

            “Are you going somewhere?  You know you can leave your things here.  We respect your belongings.” 

            “I know that.  But I must be leaving.  I have taken advantage of your kindness for too long.”

            “No, Danny.  No, you have not.  We are more than happy to have you here for as long as you need.  I don’t want you leaving if you are not up to it.”  She walks over and slowly puts her hand against his forehead. 

            “I’m fine, Marla.  Really.  No more fever.  The bruises are all but gone and my head feels fine.  You and your family have been so generous, and I appreciate all that you have done but I need to be moving on.”  The pull to a specific part of the island is so strong now.  He can’t ignore it. 

            “Well, how about after lunch?  You need to eat, and I was getting ready to make lunch anyway?  Or maybe wait until after the kids get home from school.  I know they will be upset if you leave and they didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.”

            Steve shakes his head, slowly.  “Please Marla, I need to go.”  He pleads with her.

            She looks him over and can see the tenseness building.  She knew this day would come but hoped they could find out who he was before he left.  Though he was riddled with injuries and had no memory, she just had a feeling he belonged somewhere; that someone was looking for him.  Yet when she input the name ‘Danny’ nothing came up.  At least nothing that fit his description.  Looking at him now, he almost looks like a caged animal and she doesn’t want him to feel trapped.  She nods her head, moving to him and giving him a hug.  She feels his rigidness and releases him.

             “We will miss you.  I know the kids will be sad they didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, but I will tell them.  You take care and if you need anything, please call us.” 

            He glances at her before his eyes move back to the floor.  It was a response he cannot help when presented with a strong female.  “I will.  Thank you again for all that you have done.  I won’t forget it.”  He nods at her and is gone. 

            That night, sitting amongst the trees and having only the night sky for entertainment, his head starts pounding and he takes out the packet of drugs Lyssa had given him before they left.  He’d hidden them well and those who’d jumped him hadn’t found them.  He knows taking them will affect his memory, but the pain is too much, and he needs relief.  He’s been able to live with the rest of the pain he constantly feels, but when the pain begins in his head, it’s too much.  He wishes for death.  And this recent injury has just made it worse.  The other side effect of these drugs is they have made him afraid of everything and everyone which is why he’s stuck to the back roads and away from people.  He’s become paranoid that this is all a test and Mano and Lyssa are going to walk up and take him back.  He lies back, allowing the drugs to take effect and knows the morning sun will wake him from his drug-induced sleep. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            “Dad, are you sure?”

            “Grace, I’ve told you at least a hundred times, it’s fine.  Everything is all set and the party will start on time.  Uncle Steve would be thrilled for you to have your graduation party at his house.  It’s perfect.  Big back yard, the beach and plenty of chaperones.  Well, for sure I will be there.  Charlie will be with your mother and Stan for the night, so you won’t have to worry about him crashing it.  Okay?  It’s all taken care of.”  He smiles at his daughter, unable to believe that this morning she walked across a stage and graduated from high school.  Rachel had wanted to rent out some big hall and throw a huge party there, but Danny had insisted they have it at the house.  He needed that connection to Steve for this. 

            They’d called in everyone they could think of to look for him.  The last phone call had placed them near El Paso, Texas, which Danny knew wasn’t true, but it was the only lead then had.  Another router had been found yet the entire area had been searched with no luck.  No one had seen anyone even remotely matching Steve’s description.  They had released an updated one, trying to allow for all the injuries and scars.  That had given them nothing.  The team had insisted he take this day to spend with his daughter and enjoy the time with her.  She is going to be going to college in the fall and he will hardly ever see her.  Even with her only a few miles away, he knows her time will be filled with classes, friends and college life.  He feels joy and sadness about this impending change in her life.  He knows he must deal with it.  He’s just glad she chose to go to U of H instead of going to the mainland.  He would have forbidden her to go if she’d chosen that.  He would have lost, but he would have fought to keep her here.  He’s pretty sure she chose to do her undergrad work here because of him.  In four years, who knows what that will bring.  Charlie will be ten and will be more than handful. 

            He looks around the house and then out into the back yard.  Everything was set and just waiting for the throng of teenage graduates to show up and wreak havoc.  He smiles, thinking of all the young kids running around here.  He’d hired a lifeguard to watch the beach since he can’t be everywhere.  He hadn’t wanted any other adults around.  He wanted this to be something special between himself and his daughter.  He turns to the middle wall, at the pictures there and he smiles at the one of him and Steve set in the center.  For the first time, he thanks Steve for setting him up in this home.  His not having to pay rent and other essentials that go with it is what allowed him to throw this party for his monkey.  He was given the afternoon into early evening for his party and then he would take Charlie and Grace would have the evening with Rachel and Stan. 

            He turns as he hears the knock on the door and the first of the kids arrive.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            He wanders down the beach, not sure where he’s headed but the pull is unbearable.  He’d used the last of the drugs the night before and he’s just been moving toward that pull all day.  He can hear loud music and many voices and he puts his head down, wanting to just get past it.  As he nears it, the pull become discernable and he shakes his head.  _This can’t be it.  Why would I be pulled to a loud party and all these kids?  No, something isn’t right._

            A few of the kids notice him as they make their way from the beach back up toward the house.  They point and laugh at him and then he’s soon forgotten as they join the rest of their friends.  With no more kids in the water at the time, the lifeguard had moved up into the back yard and the beach was empty.  He makes his way to where he can see the Adirondacks and into the yard.  He sees all the kids laughing and having a good time and he wonders again why the pull stops here.  He doesn’t notice the small group of girls walk out to the chairs as his eyes are on the house and overwhelming feeling of familiarity of it.  It’s so great, it almost takes his breath away. 

            At the same time, the group of girls ignore him as just another homeless roaming the beaches looking for handouts. 

            He is unrecognizable, having several scars on his face:  the large one down the left side, another going from the middle of his forehead, over his nose and ending at the right corner of his mouth, another from that corner of his mouth and up over his cheek to just below his eye, another on his bottom lip where he could not get the stitches to stay in, a couple running from his forehead to the top back of his skull, leaving no hair behind, the hair being salt & pepper, mostly salt, the tops of his ears mangled from the shocking, a few missing teeth.  He didn’t even resemble the picture that was released to find him.  His body is mangled, too, limping seriously on his left side, mutilated fingers and toes, a blown-out knee, 60% of his bones broken at one time or another.  Without thinking or warning, a single word escapes his lips. 

            “Danny.” He whispers.  No one can hear him over the music, but it’s Grace and a couple of her friends that have moved over to the chairs.

            “Danny.”  He says louder and Grace turns, recognizing the voice. 

            Her eyes grow wide and she starts to shake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please let the muse know what you think? Any ideas on the reunion? I know it's not what you expected, but then again, the muse likes surprises.


	13. Home At Last...But Will It Last?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is finally home. But the shape he's in is not what Danny, or anyone, expected. Will he stay?

Chapter 13:  Home At Last.  But Will It Last?

            “Dad!  Danno!”  She screams to be heard over the music.  At her screams, Steve becomes scared and curls up in a ball on the sand.  He’s rocking back and forth, terrified of being hurt.  

            “Dad, get out here!”  She screams as Danny runs up next to her. 

            “Grace, what is it?”  He looks where she’s pointing.

            “Danno, it’s…uh, it’s Uncle Steve.”  She whispers in his ear.

            “No, Grace, that’s not Steve.  That’s just some homeless bum.”  He gestures to the lump of flesh on the beach, “Go on, get out of here.”

            Grace grabs his arm.  “No, Dad.  It is Uncle Steve.  I heard him.  He said your name.”  She nudges him toward the curled-up man six feet away. 

            “No…this can’t be him.”  He says, moving forward.  Something about him is familiar.  He moves closer and as he does, the ball gets tighter. Danny can tell the man is scared and he tries to sooth him.

            “Hey, it’s okay.  No one’s gonna hurt you.  I promise.”  He moves a little closer.  “Come on, look at me.  I’m not gonna hurt you.  It’s okay.” 

            Steve relaxes a little at the sound of that voice, now that he can hear it clearly.  He’s lost about 40% of his hearing over the last eighteen months and he didn’t hear Danny until he was about two feet away.  The voice he hears is safety; happiness; home.  He wants to breakdown upon hearing that voice, but he still didn’t trust it.  It couldn’t be true.  He couldn’t be home. 

            Danny crouches down, trying to get a better look.  The man in front of him moves and he takes in a deep breath when his shirt and battered coat shift, and Danny can see a portion of a tattoo and he blinks hard, trying to bring it into focus. 

            “Steve?”  He whispers, moving closer to get a good look at the tattoo.  He starts to shake as he recognizes the ink and he drops his head down, trying to get the man’s attention. 

            “Steve?  Hey, babe, it’s me.  It’s Danny.”  He tries to keep his voice calm and steady, not wanting to frighten him. 

            Steve, upon hearing the name Danny lifts his head a little. 

            “Danny?”  He whispers again.

            “Yeah, it’s me.  I’m here.  Steve?  Look at me, please?”   He’s now less than a foot away. 

            Steve, hearing the calm, steady voice, a voice that means home; a voice that means love and kindness; a voice that means shelter, lifts his head completely and looks into the most beautiful blue eyes he’s ever seen. 

            “Danny…”  His voice is relaxed, the tone relieved. 

            Danny’s face morphs into surprise when he sees Steve’s face.  He almost doesn’t recognize the man in front of him, but when he looks into those hazel eyes, he knows its Steve.  It takes a few seconds for him to adjust to the shock of what Steve now looks like, but once he does, he only sees the man who was the most important person in his life, next to his kids. 

            “Oh, my god, Steve, what did they do to you?”  He murmurs, kneeling in the sand near Steve’s feet, his hands moving slowly toward the still shaking man.  He notices that Steve’s hand is clenched tightly around something and he carefully places a finger on the back of it. 

            As if he’d done it a million times, Steve’s hand rolls over and opens and Danny audibly gasps as he sees the gaming chip from Atlantic City. 

            “Oh, fuck, Steve, whatever they did to you, we’re gonna make you better.  You’re safe now.  I promise.”  Tears start to fall, the pain of what this man went through for him and his kids settling in his heart.  Slowly, he places a hand on each arm and gently moves them up over his biceps, to his shoulders.  Danny can feel every scar, scab, poorly set bone as he moves his hands down over his shoulders, pulling Steve in close, engulfing him in his arms and body.  Steve is still unsure, his body hard and ungiving, but he allows Danny to bring him into the hug.  Danny places his mouth right next to Steve’s left ear and whispers, “you will not be forgotten.  You are loved.  You will make it home.”

            Upon hearing those words, Steve knows he’s safe; that he’s home with his Danny, never to be hurt again.  Feeling Danny’s lips press down against the side of his head, he relaxes into the strong arms surrounding him; relief, joy, gratefulness and love filling him and allowing him for the first time in two years to completely let his guard down. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            Danny and Grace watch as Steve moves around the rooms, looking at everything as if he’d never seen it before.  Danny had ended the party and sent all the kids home.

            When Danny had moved in, he brought in his personal things, which were mostly upstairs in the bedroom, but had left the furniture the same in the main rooms of the house.  He couldn’t bring himself to get rid of all that was Steve.  The only major change he made was on the center wall.  He’d moved out the small settee that was there and put up a wall of pictures.  There were ones of he and Steve, Steve and the kids, him and the kids and many of the entire o’hana.  He had finally reached the point where he could smile when looking at all the photos with Steve in them.  Now, here he is, looking at them, trying to figure out who they all are. 

            “Danno, shouldn’t we get Uncle Steve to the hospital?”  Grace whispers to him. 

            “We will, monkey.  We will.”  Danny’s heart aches watching this man limp around the house as if a total stranger.  He sees him stop at the wall of pictures again, focusing on one in particular. 

            He watches Steve reach out and touch it.  He moves so he can see which picture he’s touching and his heart leaps into his throat and he has to struggle to keep it down.  Steve was touching the picture of the two of them with Grace and Charlie.  It had been taken a week before Steve left…before he’d sacrificed himself for the other three in the picture. 

            “That was the last picture we took before you went away.”  Danny says softly. 

            Steve snatches his hand back, as if doing something wrong.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have done that.”  He steps away and stands in the middle of the room, eyes on the floor. 

            Danny carefully walks to him, stopping inches away.  “Hey, it’s okay.  This is all yours, Steve.  This is your home.  You don’t need to apologize for anything…or ask permission for anything.  Do you understand?”  He places a hand gently on the man’s shoulder. 

            Steve flinches a little, but lets the hand remain. Danny takes that as permission to move closer and he does, until his chest is lightly touching the arm. 

            “Steve, babe, look at me.  Please?”  Danny asks, softly. 

            Slowly, Steve turns his head, straining against long-since healed broken bones and torn muscles and looks at him.  “Steve?  Is that my name?” 

Danny gasps at the pain in those eyes; the ache and the longing.  He wishes he could take it all away; that he could go back and change things…never allow Steve to go in his place.  But he can’t so he has to do what he can now to help get his friend back. 

            “Yes, you are Steven McGarrett.  And this is your home, Steve.  You’re safe.  No one will touch you ever again.  I promise that.  You don’t have to bow to anyone, grovel to anyone or do anything you don’t want to do.  You are free of them.”  Danny’s heart breaks at the fact that Steve doesn’t even know who he is.

            Steve blinks slowly, a tear running down his face, caught in the scar on the left side of his face.  “Safe?  Home?  Free?”  He questions Danny. 

            “Yes.  You are all those.”  He moves to stand in front of Steve. 

            Steve’s eyes track Danny’s movements as he turns his head.  Danny brings his other hand up to rest on Steve’s cheek, the one with the long scar.  Steve flinches away but Danny doesn’t give in.  He places his hand against the scar, yearning to make it all go away.   He looks deep into Steve’s eyes, willing him to remember. 

            The pain shows on Steve’s face.  “I…I don’t….I don’t remember.”  He sighs deeply.  He pulls his hand out of his pocket, the chip in it.  He rubs it and Danny can see him relax. 

            “What do you remember?”

            He looks around, eyes landing back on Danny’s face.  “I can’t leave.  Not unless they tell me I can go.  I have to remain alive.  At all costs, I must remain alive.”  He looks down at the chip in his hand.  “And Danny.”  He whispers. 

            Danny swallows hard, those last words hitting him hard.  “No-nothing else?”

            Steve shakes his head, though he looks at the all the photos as if he’s trying. 

            Grace moves to them when she notices the look on Steve’s face.  “Uncle Steve?  Are you okay?”

            Danny looks at him and his face is screwed up in pain, his hands going to his head, the chip falling to the floor.  He’s gritting his teeth, bending at the waist as he tries to control it. 

            “Ahhhhh!”  Steve yells out, falling to his knees. 

            “Steve?  Steve!  What is it?”  He places his hands over Steve’s.

            “My head!”  He hisses, pushing Danny’s hands away. 

            “Grace, call 911!”  He says over his shoulder, not wanting to move away.  He hears her over her phone, giving them all the information. 

            “They should be here in about 5 minutes.”

            “Steve, what can I do?”  Danny asks.  

            Steve just kneels there, shaking his head in his hands.  Danny can only kneel there next to him, trying to comfort him. 

            He looks up, hearing the front door open and the EMT’s rush in. 

            “Detective?  What’s happening?”  Kara, the more experienced EMT asks him, kneeling on Steve’s other side. 

            “I don’t know.  He just grabbed his head and said he was in pain.”

            “What was he doing?”  Luke, the other EMT, asks. 

            “We were standing here, talking.  Looking at the pictures on the wall.” 

            Kara, gently taking Steve’s right arm, rolling up the sleeve to try and get his blood pressure, starts when she sees the tattoo.

            “Detective?  This looks like Commander McGarrett’s tattoo.”

            Danny looks at her.  “It is.  He’s come home.”  He smiles at her.

            “Oh, my God!  When?”  She continues to work on him, getting the cuff around his arm.

            “Just a few hours ago.  I was gonna bring him to the hospital when he seemed ready.  He has very little memory of what’s happened over the last two years or anything before that.”  He kneels down in front of Steve again, trying to get his attention.  “Steve, come on.  What’s going on?”

            Steve looks at him, eyes bloodshot, tears running down his face, brows furrowed.  “Hurts.  Head hurts.”

            Kara jots down the numbers, takes his pulse/pulse ox and runs a thermometer across his forehead. 

            Luke, trying to draw his other arm down and start an IV, moves with careful and definitive moves. 

            “It’s okay, Steve.  Let them do their job.”  Danny murmurs to him.  He places his hands on each side of his head, holding him still.  He can feel Steve wanting to break away and he keeps talking to him. 

            “Keep that up, Detective.  He’s a little calmer.”  Luke says.  “He’s extremely dehydrated and I need to get this IV into him.” 

            Danny continues to comfort Steve as the EMT’s work.  As Kara goes out to get the stretcher, Danny’s phone rings.  He makes sure Steve is calm. 

            “Williams.”  He answers, eyes not leaving Steve. 

            “Brah, is everything alright?”

            “Um, yeah, Chin.  Why?”

            “Duke just called and said a 911 call was made for an ambulance at the house.  What’s going on?  One of the kids hurt themselves?”

            “No, Chin.  The kids are fine.  In fact, they’re all gone.”

            “Then what’s going on?  Why the ambulance?”

            Danny takes a deep breath.  “Steve’s back.”  He hears nothing but silence on the other end.  “Chin?  Did you hear me?”

            “That’s not funny, man.”

            “I’m not kidding.  He wandered up on the beach a couple of hours ago.  He’s in bad shape, Chin.”

            “You want us to come over?”

            “No.  We’re heading to the hospital.  Meet us there.  And Chin?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Keep it to just the immediate family?  He’s not up to a large crowd.  Okay?”

            “You got it, Brah.  See you in a bit.”

            Danny looks at Steve, who’s now lying on the stretcher.  Grace had helped keep him calm.  He seems to have accepted her as someone who won’t hurt him. 

            “You ready?”  Danny asks, taking a hand. 

            “You’re gonna be with me?”

            “All the way, babe.  I won’t leave your side.”  _Never again._

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            “Detective Williams?”  The doctor walks in the ER room. 

            “Yes?”  Danny says from his perch on the side of the bed. 

            He walks over, noticing Steve asleep.  “May I talk to you?”  He motions to the other side of the room. 

            Danny, not wanting to let go, withdraws his hand from Steve’s, placing it on his abdomen and joins the doctor. 

            “How long has he been asleep?”

            “Maybe twenty minutes.  It’s like he hasn’t slept well in years.”

            “He probably hasn’t.  I can’t imagine the amount of pain he’s in right now.”

            Danny’s eyes get wide.  “What do you mean?”

            “I’m sorry, Detective, but this man has been in excruciating pain for a long time.  Some of these injuries are affecting nerve clusters.  The pain never ends.” 

            Upon hearing that, Danny almost breaks down.  “Is, uh, is there anything that can be done?  What injuries?  How bad?”  He can’t keep his thoughts straight. 

            “Calm down.  He’s probably sleeping like he is for the first time due to the pain meds we’ve given him.  From what you’ve said, this is most likely the first relief he’s had since this ordeal began.” 

            Danny shakes his head, barely holding it together.  “Seriously?”

            “Yes.  The little we could get out of him was he was given nothing stronger than OTC pain meds.  He had several single packets in his pockets.”

            “He did?”

            “Yes, I gave them to Lt. Kelly.  Thought maybe they could give a clue as to where he’s been.”

            Danny nods.  “Thanks, Doc.”  He runs a hand through his hair.  “How bad is he?”

            “Well, with your permission, we’ve been recording our interactions with him and I had a colleague of mine up in Psych review it.  Detective, the Commander has gone through some serious behavioral modifications.  You saw how he reacted when we went to put him in a gown.” 

            Danny nods.  He’d been horrified by what Steve had done.  As soon as the nurse had started to help undress him, he’d immediately stood and stripped naked and then kneeled on the floor in front of her, hands to his side, as if waiting for directions. 

            “But that can be reversed, can’t it?”

            “We can work on it.  Our biggest concern is his other reaction at that point.  By the time he was kneeling on the floor he had a full erection.  He’s like Pavlov’s dogs.  We can work on that behavior, but the physical manifestation may be more difficult.  That’s not something that can usually be affected without some kind of help.”

            “Help?  What do you mean?”

            “He was most likely drugged at first.  Then, after a time, he just automatically reacted to certain triggers.  It’s unusual, but it can happen.  Someone knew what they were doing.” 

            “So, what, every time he goes to get undressed he’s gonna, well…”

            “No.  We don’t think so.  Most likely when someone else either directs him to undress or starts it for him.  As I said, he needs some kind of trigger.”

            Danny puts his head in his hands.   “What else?”  He mumbles through his fingers.

            “His injuries are extensive.  Most look to have been home-doctored.  I don’t think he ever saw a doctor.  Whoever stitched him up did a good job.”

            “With what he remembers, he probably did it himself.  He said he needed to stay alive, no matter what.”

            “That explains a great deal.”  The doctor muses.

            “Just tell me, doc.  How bad?”

            The doctor looks at him and nods.  “Okay.  He has cuts, stabs and knife wounds over seventy percent of his body.  About half were not serious enough to require stitches but the ones that did were good enough.  The worst are the ones on his face, one on his side and another on his left thigh.  X-rays show that more than sixty percent of his skeletal structure has been broken at one time or another.  Many healed fine but, and you can see most of these easily, were not given proper care and appear gnarled and crooked, mostly on his hands and feet.  He has several healed cracks and fractures in his skull, so the memory loss could be related along with the severe pain he’s been experiencing.  We need to wait until the tox screen and some other tests come back.    They look to be more recent than most of the rest.”  He pauses for a moment.  “There’s also severe tearing and damage to his anus and colon.” 

            Danny glances at the man in the bed and feels his stomach lurch with the thought of all that he went through.  “I can’t believe he went through all that.”  He whispers.  “He was repeatedly raped?  I mean, I knew he was subjected to forced oral sex, but I had no idea he’d been raped.”

            “Probably in the beginning.  Judging by the behavior he exhibited, he was modified to do whatever they wanted.  After a while, I doubt he even knew what was happening.  He has a long road ahead of him.  Some of these bones may need some work done on them in order to relieve a good percentage of his ongoing pain.  They may need to be re-broken, set with pins or even replaced.”

            “He never let on that he’s in so much pain.”

            “It’s most likely become the normal for him.  He’s been living in pain for so long, he knows nothing else.  It’s why I expect he will sleep for a few days before he is completely lucid again.  He will be confused the next time he wakes up, maybe even think he’s in a dream, with no pain or very little.   He most likely will not understand why he’s not feeling any pain and may think it’s a trick.  He may even think you’re a trick and that he’s not really home but still with those that have been holding him.  I really can’t say but you need to be prepared.”

            “But I’m one of the things he remembers, doc.”

            “And that’s why he may think you are a trick.  Someone using you to get him to do something again.  I’m not saying he will react this way, I’m just warning you.  Be prepared for anything.  Detective, he’s no longer that military man you knew two years ago.  He is a very different person right now.   His mind doesn’t work like it used to.  As you said, he’s focused on only three things.  The first, they must’ve told him he could go.  They let him go.  It’s hard to tell how long he’s been wandering before he showed up on the beach.  I can make a guess at about six to eight months or so.  None of these injuries are new so it’s a guess.”

            “Six months?  Why did no one contact us?  His information has been plastered all over these islands for two years.”

            “I saw those pictures.  He doesn’t look anything like those pictures anymore.  Most probably just saw him as a homeless drifter.  He had no ID on him and honestly, he’s very obedient and docile.  Depending on where he was, many would have taken pity on him and given him odd jobs for room and board.  You know the people of these islands.”

            “Yeah.  Took me awhile, but I do know.”  Danny runs a hand through his hair again.  “Doc, do you think he’ll ever get his memory back?”

            “It’s possible.  Being around familiar people and places will help.  I mean, he found his way back to his home.  Something is there.  We’ll just need to work with him and see what we can get back.  Once we get his tests back, we’ll have a better idea of what’s going on.”

            Danny walks back over to the bed, taking Steve’s hand in his again.  He runs his fingers over the gnarled and broken fingers, a single tear falling.  “He did this all for me.  He went through this hell to keep me and my kids safe.”

            “He voluntarily went through all this pain?”

            “Yeah.  He traded himself to call off a contract on my daughter.  It was all to keep me from testifying.  We could never find him, though.  Searched all over for him.”

            “He must really care for you and your kids.”  The doctor walks over to stand next to Danny.

            “Yeah, the big lug.”  Danny chokes back a laugh.  “We were just getting started.  We’d finally admitted how we felt about each other and were taking it slow.”  He reaches in his pocket and pulls out the chip.  “He held on to this the entire time he was gone.”  He places it in Steve’s hand and presses his palm against it, holding it in their hands. 

            “That’s what kept him tethered to you.  Strange as it sounds, that chip brought him back to you.”

            “I guess it did.”  Danny sits on the edge of the bed.  “I just hope we can get him all the way back.”  He gently rubs the back of Steve’s hand, not ever wanting to let go. 

            “We will do our best.  You will have a big part to play in it since he seems to remember you.  It’s going to a long and hard road.  Do you think you can handle it?”

            Danny laughs cynically at that question.  “After what he’s done for me?  Doc, I’m not going anywhere.  He’s stuck with me for the rest of his life.” 

            “What?”  A whisper comes from the bed.

            Danny turns and looks Steve in the face.  “Hey, you should still be asleep, babe.”

            Steve looks confused and out of sorts.  “Who?”  Danny presses the chip into Steve’s hand.  “Danny?” 

            “Yeah, it’s me.  I’m here.  I’m not going anywhere.  Go back to sleep.” 

            “Feel good.”  He murmurs.

            “Giving you the best, buddy.  Always the best.  Now, go to sleep.  I’ll be here when you wake up.”

            “You will?”  He barely gets out.

            “Yes.”  Danny caresses his forehead with his free hand.  “I won’t leave you…ever again.” 

            Steve smiles, closing his eyes and falling back into a deep sleep. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            Danny paces the waiting room, glancing at a team member every now and then.  “They nearly killed him.  If I ever get my hands on them, I will make them suffer just as much as he has before I put a bullet in each of their heads!”  He stops in the middle of the room, glaring at and daring anyone to defy him. 

            Not a single person speaks up.  They are all feeling the same. 

            “Come on, Danny, sit down.”  Kono tries to coax him to the chair next to her.

            He looks at here and shakes his head.  “No, I need to be moving.  Besides, the doc said as soon as the tests come back he will be in to let me know what’s going on.”  He starts to pace again.

            “That’s all and well, Williams, but you’re making me dizzy.  And when I get dizzy, I get sick to my stomach.  So, for my stomach’s sake, please sit down!”  Lou demands.

            Danny turns to him, about to go off on a rant when his phone rings.  Thinking it might be the doctor, unable to come to him, he pulls it out of his pocket.  He rolls his eyes when he sees Rachel’s name.  Hitting ignore, he pockets the phone again and looks out into the hallway.  He grinds his teeth when the phone rings again and he pulls it out, stabbing at the accept button.

            “What, Rachel?”

            “Daniel, I’m not sure what’s going on, but we had planned a very nice evening out with Grace and a few of her friends but we cannot go if you don’t come and get your son.”

            “Rachel, I’m sure Grace told you that an emergency came up and I cannot take Charlie tonight.  I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to make plans for another night.”

            “Now listen, Danny.  We make these plans weeks ago when we let you have her for the afternoon and your party.  You had her and now we are to have our night with her.  You are not on duty so I’m not sure what emergency can have you shirking your duties with your son.” 

            He takes a deep breath.  He didn’t want anyone but the few in this room to know that Steve was back, and he certainly wasn’t going to tell Rachel.  She can’t keep a secret like this and it would be on the news by ten o’clock. 

            “I’m sorry, Rach, but I can’t tell you any more than that right now.  It is a real emergency and I cannot take Charlie.  Nor can any of the team.  So, you are either gonna have to take him with you or reschedule.” 

            “Oh, no, Daniel.  You are not getting away with this tonight.  I have put up with all the changing plans over the last two years due to the missing Commander, but it’s enough.  You can’t keep putting your life on hold every time you get any kind of possible clue.  Because when you put your life on hold, it means me, Grace and Charlie have to also.  So you need to take care of whatever emergency it is you are having and come get your son within the next hour or I will find you and I will drop him off.”

            “Rachel, don’t you dare.  I cannot take Charlie tonight or for the next few days.  I know I was supposed to have him but think about all the times I had to change my plans with him due to your change in your life.  I have not shirked my duty to my kids, even with all that’s been going on in the last two years.  Hell, I have a better place to live and they love it.  Grace understands and, when he’s older, Charlie will, too.  But as for tonight?  You will HAVE to change your plans.  Grace understands.  She knows I have an unforeseeable emergency and she was more than willing to end her party early.  Please, understand like her and we will discuss this in a few days.  Good night, Rachel.”  He hits the end button and puts it back in his pocket. 

            He turns to face his team and sees them all smiling at him.  “What?”

            “Brah, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you put her in her place like that.”

            Danny smiles sheepishly at Chin.  “Well, Steve is more important than Rachel and her dinner plans.”  He turns as he hears the door open. Steve’s ER doc walks in, a confused and unhappy look on his face. 

            “Danny?”

            “What’s wrong, Doc?  Why do you look so confused?”  Danny moves to him. 

            The doctor looks around and then back at Danny.  Danny nods that’s it’s all right to discuss anything regarding Steve in front of these people. 

            He nods.  “Well, the Commander’s tox screen has come back and we found some interesting things in it.  It seems he has a couple of drugs in his system that we never expected to find.  I won’t bother with the complicated names, but what they do is help with the pain he’s been experiencing in his head.”

            “Okay.  So he’s had more than the OTC pain meds you found.  So what?”

            “Well, the other drug we found in his system affects memory.  The longer one takes it, the more of their memory is lost.  And from what we can gather from these tests, the Commander has been taking this drug for quite some time.”

            Danny looks around the room, panic setting in.  “What does that mean?  More lost?  How much?  And will he ever be able to get it back?” 

            “I’ll be honest, Danny.  I just don’t know.  I’ve not had much experience with this specific drug.  We’ll have to bring in a specialist for any more information.  The one side effect I do know people experience from this drug is paranoia…and fear.  That would explain his reaction to you and your daughter when you first found him.  This drug could also have been used to modify his behavior.  I just can’t say right now.”

            His fists clenching and unclenching at his sides, Danny needs to hit something.  _What does he mean he doesn’t know?  How can he not know how this drug will have affected Steve?  What the hell good is he, then?_

            “Then what are you waiting for?  Where is a specialist who will know what effects this drug has had on Steve?  Get him here.  NOW!”  He yells the last word. 

            Before he can move, he feels Lou’s big hand on his shoulder and he stops, taking a deep breath. 

            The doctor, taking a step back, holds his hand up.  “I already have her on the way.  She should be here in the next hour.  Once we have more information, you will be the first to know.  Right now, the Commander has woken up and is asking for you.”

            Danny opens his mouth in shock.  “Way to bury the lead, doc.”  He shrugs off Lou’s hand and walks out of the room. 

            Opening the sliding door and pushing back the curtain, he sees Steve, eyes closed and looking as if he’s fallen back asleep.  He starts to turn away when a voice stops him.

            “Danny?”

            “Yeah, babe.  I’m here.”  He shuts the door behind him, letting the curtain fall closed and walks over to the bed. 

            “I was wondering where you were.”  
            “I had to go talk to the doctor and a few others who have been just as worried about you.  I’m sorry.”  He sits down beside Steve, taking his hand in his. 

            “You said you would be here.”

            “I did, didn’t I?  I won’t leave again until you say I can.  Okay?”  He smiles at him and immediately notices how Steve relaxes.

            “Okay.”  Is all the answer he gets.

            Danny sits for a few minutes just basking in the relief of having his love home again before speaking up. 

            “How ya feeling?”

            “Mmmm, good.  No pain.  Is it real?”

            Danny can’t help a chuckle escape his lips.  “Yeah, babe, it’s real.  You are being given the best.  You won’t have to feel pain again unless you want to.”  He carefully lifts the hand and gently kisses the back.  “I won’t let you ever feel pain again if you don’t want to.” 

            “No, I don’t want to.  Never again.”  His eyes flutter with sleep. 

            “Good.  Then that is that.  Now, I can tell you’re tired, so you go back to sleep.  I promise I’ll be here the next time you wake up.”  He leans over and kisses Steve on the forehead. 

            “M’kay.”  He gives a weak smile as his eyes close.  Soon he is in a deep, healing sleep. 

            Danny let’s go of his hand for just a moment to get the chair in the room, move the side of the bed and then takes it in his again.  He intends on keeping his promise this time.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            She looks at him, disbelief on her face. 

            “That was the emergency, Rachel.  I couldn’t tell you that night cause we wanted to keep it to a small group.  Primarily just the team.  We needed to find out what shape he was in and what needed to be done.  I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you, but I hope you understand.” 

            Danny was picking up Charlie for an extended weekend and had decided to tell her what had messed up her graduation dinner with Grace.  It had been two weeks since that night and though Steve was doing a bit better, he was still in the hospital.  After being shown more pictures of Grace and Charlie, he’d told Danny to leave.  He wanted Danny to spend some time with his kids.  He hadn’t left the hospital, or Steve’s side, for the last two weeks so Steve insisted.   

            So here he is, picking up his son for a four-day weekend. 

            “You could have told me, Daniel.  That I would have understood.  Instead, you’ve left me fuming for two weeks.  Do you really think that little of me that I would not have understood?”

            “No, Rachel, that’s not it.  I wanted as few to know as possible.  The circumstances of his return were a surprise and strange and we needed to figure out what was going on with him before we let anyone else know.”  He bounces from foot to foot, wishing his son would hurry.

            “Yet Grace knew.”  She almost accuses him.

            “Of course she did, Rachel.  She’s was the one who found him.  Hard for her not to know at that point.”  He rolls his eyes.

            “Do not roll your eyes at me, Daniel.  You had her lie to us when she arrived home.  I cannot believe you had our daughter lie!”

            “It wasn’t exactly a lie.  I just asked her not to say anything about him.  I mean, if another emergency had come up, she wouldn’t have known what it was about.  So it wasn’t asking her to lie.”

            “Yes, it was.”

            He knows in his heart that, yes, he had asked her to lie.  He smiles to himself, liking the idea of having a special moment with his daughter that no one can ever change, but he knows better than to rub it in his ex-wife’s face. 

            At just that moment, Charlie comes running in the room, a big smile on his face.  He runs right up to his father and hugs him tight. 

            “I’ve missed you, Danno.”

            “Oh, buddy, I missed you, too.  Now, we have the next four days for just you and me.” 

            “What about Uncle Steve?” 

            Danny almost recoils from his son at that question.  _Who told him about Steve?  I know it wasn’t Grace.  Dammit, Rachel!_ “Uncle Steve is sick.  He’s in the hospital right now so it will just be you and me!”  He smiles, vowing to a long talk with his ex.  He had wanted to pick just the right time to tell Charlie about Steve and what to expect when he is able to come home. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let the muse know what you think. She thrives on knowledge...and comments.


	14. A small pause in posting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry. RL has taken a bad turn and I am not able to post at this time. I promise it will get finished. It will just be awhile before I will be able to. Please be patient and I will get it done as soon as I can.

Please see chapter summary


	15. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being so patient. I am working on the next chapters and will post with have the full story finished. Should only be a few more. There are to be a few more twists and turns before the end so hold on tight!

...TBC........


	16. ...when you're having fun.   NOT!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny watches as Steve walks slowly in the door. He wants to see his reaction to the house again, this time with a little more knowledge about what happened and how he relates to his home. As Steve walks through the door, his arm in a cast from the latest surgery and still limping severely from his other injuries, Danny sees the look of confusion and disorientation. The physical recovery is slated to take almost two years and Danny is determined to be there for every single operation and correction. He doesn’t care what it takes, or how long it takes, he will be by this man’s side for all of it. He knows his Steve is in there and he will find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the long awaited next chapter. Thank you to all who have hung in there with me. It has been a struggle but I hope to get back to regular postings. I hope you enjoy. As always, I do not own anything H50; I'm just inspired by the characters. Please excuse any mistakes. They are all mine as this was not beta'd.

**Chapter 15:  ...when you're having fun.  NOT!**

            Danny watches as Steve walks slowly in the door.  He wants to see his reaction to the house again, this time with a little more knowledge about what happened and how he relates to his home.  As Steve walks through the door, his arm in a cast from the latest surgery and still limping severely from his other injuries, Danny sees the look of confusion and disorientation.  The physical recovery is slated to take almost two years and Danny is determined to be there for every single operation and correction.  He doesn’t care what it takes, or how long it takes, he will be by this man’s side for all of it.  He knows his Steve is in there and he will find him.  

******

            As Steve walks in the door, the place looks just as unfamiliar as it did the first night he was found on the beach.  He recognizes nothing and he knows that will disappoint Danny.  He looks at the blond, wishing he could remember something.  Anything about is life before his ‘abduction’ by these mercenaries, but all he has is a big blank.  He finds nothing there.  He moves into the room, drawn to the pictures again of him with his o’hana and he feels sadness.  They all look so happy and loving life and it means nothing to him.  Oh, he recognizes the faces, as he’s met all of them over the last six months, but that’s all.  They all seem like wonderful people and he tries, but all he gets is a migraine.  Danny has insisted he not try so hard and just let it come, but he wants answers.  He needs answers.  Every morning, when he looks in the mirror, he needs to know why his face is mutilated; he needs to know why his whole body is broken and stitched together.  Not even Danny has been able to give  him a complete explanation as to what happened to him for the last two years.  He has a feeling that he’s not being told everything and someday soon he will sit down and demand to be told, but for now he’s glad to have someone looking out for him.  He needs someone looking out for him right now.  He would be completely lost without Danny.  Whatever the had before this situation must have been special.  This man has put his life on hold to help Steve through this and he can’t be more grateful.  

            His gaze stops on the center photo.  The one of him, Danny, Grace and Charlie that was taken a couple of weeks before he left.  They look so happy.  But they look like strangers.  He doesn’t resemble the man in the picture any more.  Not physically or mentally.  He leans in for a better look at that man and he envies him.  The man in the picture is happy.  He is surrounded by those most important to him and he knows it.  Steve focuses on his reflection in the glass and he sees someone completely different...he sees a man who knows nothing.  His mind is a blank, only filled with recent memories.  It’s as if he was born six months ago.  He tries constantly to remember to the point of giving himself migraines but nothing comes.  He knows Danny gets upset with him for making himself sick and reminds him that he’s not going anywhere and to just let it happen.  

            He can’t.

            He needs answers and he needs them sooner rather than later.  

            “Steve?  You okay?”  He hears from behind him.  He starts a little, forgetting that there was anyone else in the room.  

            “Uh, yeah.  Just wishing that something would come to me.  I look at that man in the pictures and I feel nothing in common with him.  I don’t know him.”

            He feels Danny move next to him and his hand on his shoulder.  “Come on.  Let’s get you settled back in the guestroom.”

            Steve turns to him, looking him in the eye.  “I need to know, Danny.”

            He sees the concern and fear in the shorter man’s eyes and he knows it’s the last thing he wants to do but Steve needs to know.  “I think it’s still too soon.  You know my thoughts on this subject.  I agree with the doctor and we should wait.”

            “For what?  I may never remember what happened to me.  I need to know, Danny.  I need to know what you were told and what you were shown.  I need to see the video.”

            Danny shakes his head.  “No.  You don’t.”

            He turns and walks away, his anger building.  “Dammit, I do!  It happened to me!  I need to know what they did.  I’ve been back here six months, and everyone has been walking on eggshells around me.  I’m not made of glass.  Please?  What do I have to do to get you to tell me?”  He looks at him, pleading his case.  

            “I’m not sure, Steve.  Will knowing what was done to you really help?  Will it help you to remember?  I think not.  It will just have you living the trauma over again and you don’t need that right now.”  Danny says with an air of authority.  

            Steve, hearing that tone, reacts.  He immediately kneels in front of Danny, hands moving for his belt.         

            Danny, appalled at what he was seeing, backs away, a look of revulsion on his face.  Steve looks up at him, pleading with him and ready to do whatever he wants.  He’s a little hurt at the look on Danny’s face.  He’s been told what their relationship was before he left and knows this is where Danny wants it to go.   _Why doesn’t he want me to do this?  I know he wants it.  I’m willing.  Why not?_

            “What the hell are you doing?  Get up!  You don’t have to do that anymore.  Never again if you don’t want to.  Please.”  Danny waves his hands at him, motioning for him to stand.  

            He slowly gets to his feet, confused at the mixed signals.  “Why are you mad?”  He asks.

            Danny takes a deep breath and counts to ten.  “I’m not mad.  At least, not at you.  I’m mad at the psychos who brainwashed you into this behavior.  I’m mad at the fact that you feel you need to do something like this to get what you want.  But I’m not mad at you.”  The last line is delivered with gentleness.  

            Steve looks around, not sure what to do.  

            “Come on, let’s get your stuff in the guest room.”  Danny gently takes his arm and guides him to the downstairs bedroom.  “Go ahead and put your things away and then we’ll talk.”

            Steve nods slowly, moving into the room and putting away his few items.  Glancing around, he sees a few more things have been put in here that must have belonged to him.  They spark no memories at all.  He walks back out into the living area and notices the back lanai door open.  He heads out the door and sees Danny sitting on one of the Adirondacks, a bottle in his hand.  Limping out, he carefully takes the other chair, taking the open bottle of water and drinking half of it in one swallow.  Staring out at the ocean, he waits patiently for Danny to begin.  

            “I still don’t think you need to hear all this, but you’re right.  It happened to you so you do have a right to know.  I will tell you everything first.”

            “ **Everything?** ”  He emphasizes, knowing he has not had the whole story of his life.  

            “Well, everything dealing with this situation.  We’d be here for days if I were to tell you everything about your life.”  He chuckles.

            “What’s so funny?”

            “Well, there’s actually a great deal about your life I wouldn’t be able to tell you.  Not because I don’t think you should hear it but because I just don’t know it.  Most of your life as a Navy SEAL is classified.  So we will have to skip all that.”  He chuckles again.

            “You seem to find my past quite amusing?”

            “No, it’s not that.  I’m just remembering all the times I’d get pissed off every time you tell me ‘it’s classified’.”

            Steve smiles, understanding a little of the joke.  He was told that he was a SEAL and in Naval Intelligence.  He knows much of that is classified.  He may never know what he did for all those years.  But that’s not important right now.  He needs to know about the last two years.  “Tell me.”  He says quietly.

            Danny starts at the beginning, relating all that he can about what happened.  He goes over why Steve left and why he stayed away.  He can hear the strain in Danny’s voice as he relates the torture he witnessed and was told about.  Listening to this, Steve feels as though it all happened to someone else.  And he would believe that if it weren’t for the long list of injuries and behaviors he has.  He turns his head as the narrative stops and sees the tears running down Danny’s face as he relates the final phone call.  He can see the pain the call caused, and he wants to comfort him but he knows it would be a shallow gesture at this time.  

            “Danny?”

            “I’m sorry.  Just the thought of what you went through for all those months is still hard for me to accept.  That you did it all for my kids is almost unbearable.  That’s why I promise you I will be here for as long as you need and until you get your memory back.  No, I will not accept it.  You will get it back, Steve.”  

            Steve looks at him and can see the determination on his face.  He can’t believe that this man is going to put his life on hold for him, but he has no idea what he can do to stop him.  He’s considered leaving several times in the last 6 months, but he knows he would never survive on his own right now.  He hates that feeling and knowledge but it’s a fact.  “Well, they are great kids, Danny.  So full of life and love.  They’ve taken me back in as if I was never gone.”

            “You are a second father to them, Steve.  They love you as much as they love me and Rachel.  They missed you as much as I did.  Of course they’re gonna take you back.  Everyone has.  You were never out of our hearts and minds.  You have to believe that.”

            He continues to stare at Danny.  He wants so badly to remember what they had; to feel what this man sitting next to him was feeling but there’s nothing.  He does feel safe with him.  He knows that Danny means home, love and freedom but that is not the same as in love.  That’s what Danny feels for him.  

            He has never questioned that feeling.  Never questioned another man loving him in that manner.  He’s been told about his previous partners and that the long term ones have all been women yet he freely accepts the love of this man and that he loves him back...at least the man he used to be.  He considered trying to fake it just to make this man happy but he knows that is the worst thing he could do.  

            “You know I want to remember, don’t you?”  He asks.

            Danny now looks at him, eyes glistening.  “Of course I do, Steve.  I wish I could take away any memories of the last two years and just give you the good ones, but I can’t.  I wish I could take away the last two years all together.  I wish you didn’t do what you did but we can’t change that now.  We just have to deal with it and move forward.”

            “I need to see, Danny.”

            Danny drops his eyes, wishing he’d just deleted those damn video calls, but they are evidence if they ever catch this Mano.  

            “I wish you would wait on that, Steve.  Please?  I’ve told you before that they are disturbing, to say the least.  You just don’t need to see that.”

            “Danny, I have scars, broken bones, hearing loss and memory loss; I need to find out how that happened.  I need to see what they did.  I need some explanation why I am in pain all the time.”

            Danny smiles in his mind as he thinks this is the Steve he remembers.  Demanding and persistent.  He knows these are behaviors that are part of the man he loves that will never go away and he wishes this side of him would stay around for more than a few minutes at a time.  

            He stands and motions for Steve to follow him.  He walks in the study area, sits down and pulls out his laptop.  He queues up the first call and walks away.  He can’t watch them again.  Once was enough.  

            Steve sits and watches the calls and then listens to the last call.  Again, he feels as though this is happening to someone else, not him.  The first video, he doesn’t even recognize himself.  He knows what he looks like now and it’s nothing like the man in the video.  He pauses it to take a good look at himself.  He can see the little bit of hope and determination to make it home in that man’s eyes.  He can also see that the man in the video remembers everything.  He has a reason to come home and be with those he loves and who love him.  Looking at himself each morning, he sees none of that in his eyes.  

            He watches the videos over and over, trying to reconcile himself to the man on the screen and he can’t.  Oh, they have the same injuries and scars, but he doesn’t feel anything else for that man.  He’s a stranger.  He feels Danny come up behind him, putting his hand on his shoulder.

            “Steve, I think you’ve watched them enough.”  He says quietly.  

            Steve hangs his head, stopping the video.  Danny is right.  Watching them over and over isn’t going to change anything.  He’s not gonna remember.  He’s not going to feel anything in common with that man in those videos.  He feels sick at what was done yet can’t connect that to himself.  

            He feels lost and he doesn’t know what to do.

            “Come on, babe.  Why don’t you help me fix dinner?  Remember Grace is coming over and bringing Charlie back from Rachel’s.  They want to welcome you home.”  He places both hands on Steve’s biceps and nudges him out of the chair.  “Let’s take our minds off this, okay?  We can fix a great meal and have a wonderful evening with the kids.  That sound good to you?”          

Steve stands and allows himself to be ushered into the kitchen.  His mind still on the videos and what was done to him,  he helps Danny make dinner, not really caring what they were eating.  

He just does what he’s told.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            Danny watches him, sitting at the desk, watching those damn videos again.  No matter what he says, he can’t stop him.  He’s watched the videos at least once a day since the first time he showed him six months ago.  He even insisted that they be downloaded so he could watch them in the hospital.  

            Danny had found himself extremely concerned with how much Steve insisted on watching them he’d called his therapist.  He’d been told to allow  him to do what he felt was needed to try and bring his memory back.  They had discussed this and even the therapist couldn’t convince him otherwise.  He’d felt that as long as it was a decision Steve made on his own and hadn’t asked anyone for permission, they needed to let him do it.  

            So far, it has been the only decision he’s made on his own.  

            Even after a year, Steve still won’t take any steps towards making any decisions on his own.  He still asks permission for everything, even going to the bathroom at times.  Danny is constantly having to remind him that he doesn’t need to do that anymore and then the next day Steve’s asking him if he can make something for lunch or go out to the beach or to just sit around and watch TV.  

            It’s the last behavior they need to break.  At least, that’s how Danny thinks of it.  He knows there’s more to it yet he longs for the day that Steve gets out of bed and just does.  He never imagined the man he fell in love with would be so dependent on another human being, to say the least himself.  He knows many who would love to have someone this dependent on them but he is not one of them.  It’s even getting to the point that Charlie is noticing and asking about it.  He has to just tell him that his Uncle Steve is still sick and to be patient with him.  The irony is not lost on him, asking his nine year old son to be patient, but Charlie is an exceptional young boy and he almost treats his beloved uncle like another nine year old.  His heart fills with pride when he sees just how patient and understanding Charlie is when Steve can’t even decide what flavor of shave ice to get.  

            “Hey, buddy, why don’t you go out and get some sun?”  He walks over, placing his hand on Steve’s shoulder.  He can feel the bandage hiding the stitches from the latest round of surgeries, this one repairing some torn and damaged ligaments.  He knows Steve will never have full range of motion, but he’ll have more than he did when he showed up a year ago.  

            “Okay.”  He says, turning off the computer and going outside.  Danny watches as he takes his usual place in the chair on the left, sitting down and staring out over the water.  He’s stopped suggesting he go for a swim since the last time he did, Steve all but curled up into a little ball on the floor.  He has no idea why he’s so afraid of the water but he hasn’t pushed it.  It hurts his heart, though, to think how much he used to love the water and now he can’t get him any closer than the Adirondacks.  

            He turns and goes into the kitchen, trying to figure out what to make for dinner.  Grabbing his phone out of his pocket as it rings, he accepts the call.  

            “Hey, Danny.  How’d it go today?”  He hears Lou on speaker.

            “Well, at least the house is still standing and he’s in one piece.”  He opens the fridge again, looking for something easy.  

            “Any idea what he did?”

            “He was still sitting at the desk.  I think he sat and watched those damn videos all day again.  I had to make the suggestion he go out and get some sun.”

            “Damn, man.  I don’t know what to tell you.  I just wanted to check in and make sure you two were okay.”

            “I appreciate that, Lou.  I know they said this would be a long process, but he doesn’t even seem to want to get better anymore.  He just watches those damn videos over and over and broods.”

            “Well, THAT hasn’t changed.”  Lou chuckles.

            “Ha ha, Lou.  I’m concerned.  If he doesn’t want to get better, I don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

            “You thinking long term?”

            “I’m not thinking anything.  I want him back, Lou.  Shit, even at fifty percent of what he was is better than how he is now.  I need him back.”

            There’s a pause on the other end.  “Listen, you cannot blame yourself for this.  He was a big boy back then and he went freely.  I know that if he had any idea what was to happen to him, he would have thought twice about leaving us all out in the cold.  But we cannot dwell on that.  What’s done is done.  Now we need to figure out how to get our McGarrett back.  We’re all behind you on this, Danny.  Whatever you need, you know you have it.  Even the new kids are on board.”  

            Danny smiles at that.  The last twelve months have seen changes in the team.  Kono decided that it was time for her and Adam to start a family and they are expecting their first child in about two months.  Chin, Abby and Sara moved to the mainland, where Chin is heading up his own task force but they keep in touch and ask regularly about Steve.  Danny had gone over several applicants before settling on Tani Rey, a former academy cadet and a young Navy SEAL, Junior Reigns.  He knew he needed to have another SEAL on the team, if only for the crazy stunts.  But it’s not the same.  And without Steve, it’s just a job.  One he loves, but still, just a job.  Helping the man who gave up everything for his kids is more important and he’s ready to hand over the task force to someone who wants to make it a career.  

            “ I know they are, Lou.  And I appreciate that.  It’s just hard.  I didn’t realize how hard until the third round of surgeries.  He needed so much help getting around and I couldn’t be here for him.  I hated having a live in nurse for those two months but I had no choice.  I want to be here for him.  I want to be here when his memories come back. He should not be alone for that.”

            “Don’t do anything rash, man.  Let’s take this one day at a time, okay?  I have a feeling that any memories he gets back will come when he’s with you.  You are the strongest presence in his life and it would only make sense.”

            “I hope so.  Thanks for checking in, Lou.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

            “Night, Danny.  Call if you need anything, man.”

            He disconnects and gets started on dinner.  

            %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            “Come on, buddy.  Arms around my neck so I can lift you.”  Danny grunts as he moves back, pulling Steve off the bed and into the wheelchair.

            “You shouldn’t have to do this.”  Steve moans as he settles into the chair.  

            “Will you stop, McGarrett!  I want to do this.  I wasn’t here for the last two times, I wanna be here!”  Danny groans as he pulls the sheets off the bed.  He balls them up and grabs the clean ones.   

            “You can just hire someone, like the last two times.”

            “No.  I am able to take the time off and here I am.  Do you NOT want me here?”  He turns and looks Steve in the eye.  

            Steve glares at him and drops his eyes.  “I do.  I feel safer with you here.”  He admits.  

            Danny turns back to the bed before Steve could see the pain in his eyes.  He knows Steve still doesn’t feel comfortable around strangers and he hated that he had to have a live in nurse here for the last two surgeries but he hadn’t had a choice.  This time he’d been able to get the next two weeks off so he’d taken it and here he is, changing dirty sheets.  He smiles at that thought and finishes making the bed.  

            “How about we get you out on the back lanai today?”  Steve looks up at him and starts to shake his head.  “No, Steve, you need to get some fresh air.  I’m not going anywhere so you won’t be alone.  In fact, Grace will be over after her morning classes to keep you company while I go grocery shopping.”

            “Do you have to go?”

            Danny sits down on the freshly made bed and looks at him.  “You love it when Grace comes over.  And yes, I need to go.  The kitchen is almost empty of food.  We can’t keep eating take out.”  He studies the injured man’s face.  “What’s wrong, Steve?”

            He looks down at his hands and then the cast on his right leg.  “I don’t feel right when you’re not here.”

            “Steve,” he reaches out and places his hand on the bigger man’s one, “you have nothing to be afraid of.  No one's gonna hurt you here.  And you’ve never had a problem with Grace.”

            Steve shakes his head slightly.  “Nevermind.  It’s okay.”  

            Danny squeezes his hand.  “Hey, talk to me, babe.”

             Steve shakes his head again.  “It’s nothing.”

            “If it bothers you, it’s something.  Tell me.”

            Steve sighs.  “I feel like I’m taking advantage of you.  You use all your time off to stay with me and help me get around.  You put your time with your son on hold if I need you.  You’re just doing everything for me and I give you nothing but grief in return.  I can’t keep doing this.”

            Danny takes in a big breath and counts to ten.  “You ARE NOT taking advantage of me, you got that?”  He waits.  Steve finally nods.  “Good.  Now, as for the rest, I WANT to do this.  Not because I feel ingratiated to you for what you did but because I love you and I want you to get better.  My kids understand.  They love you, too.  They would be willing to spend all their time with you, if I let them.  I know you need your space sometimes.  You need to stop feeling like you are such a burden.”  
            “But I am.  You shouldn't have to do this.  Really.”  

            “I WANT to, Steven.  Get that through that thick head of yours.  I wanna be here...with you.  We are gonna get through this and have the life we both want.”  Danny says the line and then realizes his mistake.

            “And if I don’t know what I want in my life?  If my memories never come back?  You’re gonna be disappointed and crushed.”

            Danny swallows back his tears.  “You will not disappoint me.  I have faith that your memory will come back.  We’ve talked about this.  I will not give up on you.”

            “Yeah, we’ve talked.”

            “Steve, I love you and nothing will change that.  If, god forbid, your memory doesn’t return, we will go from there.  But until that time, I will continue to believe that you will get it back and then we can continue where we left off.  Okay?”  Danny squeezes his hand again.

            Steve just nods, no real conviction behind it.  

            Danny watches and knows this man before him is about to give up.  It’s been eighteen months since he showed up on the beach and not a single memory has returned.  He fears this man will do something drastic and he won’t be around to stop him.  That the biggest reason he wants to be here with him full time.  He doesn’t want to leave him alone. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            Danny walks into the house, throwing his keys on the table and looks around.  “Steve?”  He calls out.  Not hearing a response, he goes to the back and looks out toward the Adirondacks.  Grimacing, he walks out, being sure to make a great deal of noise.  It bothers him that Steve’s hearing has not improved over the last two years, but there have been many improvements in the rest of his injuries.  He doesn’t feel constant pain anymore and, except for the two most recent surgeries, most of his poorly set bones have been fixed and the scars have had work done so most can barely be seen. 

            Walking up behind the chair, he stops, placing his hands on the back.  “Hey, buddy, you been out here all day?  You okay?”  He leans over, kissing the top of his head.  Steve doesn’t move. 

            Danny steps around and sits in the chair on his left.  He lays his hand over Steve’s on the arm of his chair.  He looks around and it doesn’t seem Steve has moved since Danny left this morning. 

            “Babe, you okay?”  He asks again. 

            “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”  Steve replies, eyes still on the constant motion of the water. 

            Danny starts at these words, his eyes growing big and panic showing on his face.  “What do you mean?  Do what, Steve?”

            He sighs loudly, “It’s been almost two years since I wandered up on this beach, Danny, and I don’t remember much more than I did that day.  At least, nothing before that day.  I’m tired of being in constant pain, now that I know what it feels like to NOT feel the pain.  This,” he lifts up his casted arm, “is the last one.  No more.  I don’t care what the doctors say.  I can’t spend another day in the hospital.”  Danny hears him take in a deep breath.  “And I can’t keep asking you to put your life on hold.” 

            Danny hears the words he’s been dreading.  Yet he’s surprised at how angry they also make him.  “My life on hold?  What the hell are you talking about?  Dammit, Steve, you put your life on hold, and almost ended it, for me and my kids.  You endured unspeakable pain…all for us.  You have no right to tell me not to put my life on hold to help you.  No right at all!  We’ve talked about how I feel about you and where we were before this all happened.  I will do whatever is needed for you.”  He squeezes Steve’s hand.  “Whatever you need, babe.  I will be here for you.”  He stares at Steve’s profile.  He watches as Steve bites his lower lip and physically jerks when the head is turned, and he sees the pain and despair in those hazel eyes. 

            “That’s just it.  I DON’T remember any of that, Danny.  God, I want to, but I don’t.  I can feel that you are, probably, the most important person in my life, but I cannot remember it.”  He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the chip.  “I look at this and I see your face, but that’s all.  This is you.  I know how important this is…what happened that weekend.  You’ve told the story so many times I can tell it myself.  But I don’t remember it.  It’s not part of my memories.  It’s yours.”  He turns his head back to ocean.  “And it’s killing me.”  He whispers. 

            Danny fights back the tears that threaten to fall.  It’s breaking his heart to hear the man he loves with his whole self doesn’t remember any of what they shared; any of their time together; any of that most wonderful weekend when they finally admitted those feelings they’d buried for so many years.  That has been the hardest part of the last two years.  It’s been like living with a complete stranger.  The doctors had been so right when they said Steve was a different person.  The first few weeks, Danny had not recognized him.  Not only did he look different, he did not act like the Steve they all knew.  Gone was the badass, ninja, Navy SEAL.  He’d been replaced with an obedient, docile, submissive slave.  For the first few months, he never made a move unless someone gave him orders. 

            Danny had been shocked the first time Steve stood next to his bed in the hospital and pissed down his legs instead of going into the bathroom because no one gave him permission.  He’d had to run out of the building, gasping and choking for air at the change in the man.  But he was convinced that his Steve, the man who’d act before thinking, was still in there.  Danny just needed to find him. 

            Yet here they were, two years later and Steve is right.  Physically, he’s better, but he remembers nothing before his ordeal.  Oh, he remembers all the pain and physical torture he endured.  He’ll never forget that, but before that…

            Nothing.

            Well, almost nothing.  He remembers Danny.  That’s all.  He had to be re-introduced to Chin, Kono, Lou and everyone else in their extended family.  He’s come to know them over the last two years, but that’s the extent of their relationships.  Whatever was before was gone.  They’ve all come to accept that and have built the trust and respect back up…all but Danny.  He refuses to believe that Steve is gone.  He knows that crazy animal is in there somewhere.  He won’t give up…ever. 

            “What do you wanna do?”  Danny manages to stumble past his lips. 

            He sees Steve close his eyes, breathing deep.  “I don’t know.  Maybe I should just pack up my things and leave as I came.  Just go out and wander.” 

            Danny swallows hard.  “Well, I can’t stop you, but can I ask two favors?”

            Steve nods, eyes still closed. 

            “Can you wait until after Grace’s birthday next week?  I know she wants you there.  Can you do that for her?”  Danny’s voice is trembling. 

            “Yeah.  Of course.”  Steve murmurs, eyes still closed.  “What’s the second?”

            “She’s coming over tonight to cook dinner for us.  Don’t mention this.  She’ll be upset and she has finals this week.  I think it would be best to tell both her and Charlie, even the rest of the family, after her birthday.”

            “Okay, Danny.  I’ll agree to that, if you think its best.”

            Danny wants to scream at him.  _Dammit, what do you want?  Make up your own mind, Steven!  DO WHAT **YOU** WANT!  _

            “Thank you.  I know she’ll appreciate it.”  He removes his hand from Steve’s.  “She should be here any time.  I’m gonna go and take a shower before she gets here.” 

            Steve just nods, eyes still closed.  Other than his head, he hasn’t moved since Danny sat down.  Danny stands and walks back in the house, not seeing the single tear running down the Steve’s right cheek. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

            Dinner goes better than Steve thought it would.  Danny is happy and playful with Charlie and Grace is a most gracious chef.  She certainly takes after her father in the culinary arts.  He finds himself enjoying the company and the food for the first time in a long time.  Maybe it’s because he has finally made a decision about his life, on his own, with no prompting or being told what to do.  He feels a little control over his life and that has moved a huge chip off his shoulder. 

            He sits out on the lanai, listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen and they sound so right.  They had all insisted he go out and relax while they clean up.  Hearing the happiness and joy coming out the window, he thinks twice about his decision to leave.

_Maybe I should stay.  Having these happy sounds feels so right that I don’t want to leave it.  But I can’t keep having Danny put his life on hold.  He’s spent the last two years taking care of me and I can’t do it anymore.  I need to get out on my own.  I need to find out who I am.  Those videos and audio recordings have not helped.  I feel nothing but pity for the man in them but I feel nothing in common with him at all.  I know I have the same injuries and went through what he did, but I don’t know him.  Oh, maybe at in the last call, I can find a little common ground but otherwise I don’t know who he is or who I am.  Maybe once I figure that out, I can come back.  Hopefully, he’ll still want me._

He thinks about Danny and his feelings for him.  He’s never thought twice that he shouldn’t love him or be in a relationship with him.  And everyone around him accepts them as a couple.  He’s been told by some close-minded people that he should be with a woman but he dismissed them.  He knows that it doesn’t matter that he and Danny are the same sex.  From what Danny has told him, their love goes deeper than that.  Hell, it took them 8 years to admit how they felt…there must be more. 

            He also thinks about the stories he’s been told about what he did before this.  How he would just jump in and not even think about the consequences of what he was doing.  Crazy ideas seemed to be his forte.  Whatever it took to get the job done.  He smiles, thinking about the story they told about him jumping from the top of the H1 tunnel onto a moving truck.  He still has a hard time believing that anyone would do something so crazy, but they say it’s true.  He even asked around HPD and they all say he did it.  No way would he do anything like that now.  He just got put back together.  He is not going to “humpty” himself again. 

            “Hey, you okay?”  He hears from behind him. 

            He nods, not trusting himself to speak. 

            He watches as Danny moves around him and sits in the chair next to him.  “You looked lost.  What’s going through that mind of yours?”

            “Not much.  You should know that.”  He grins.  “Just thinking about the things I’ve been told I did before all this happened.”  He pauses for a moment.  “All the _crazy_ things.”  He emphasizes ‘crazy’.

            “Oh, believe them all.  You did some crazy-ass shit.  And always things that put you right in the middle of things and at most risk.  You never thought about what it could mean for you, only how you could keep everyone else safe.”

            “I just can’t believe I would do some of the things you and the rest of the team have told me about.  Most of them should have been suicide missions.  I mean, driving an unstable, nuclear bomb through the jungle?  What ever possessed me?”

            “You had to save this island.  Your thoughts were always with keeping the people of this island safe.  You never thought about yourself.  That’s one of the things I love about you.  One of the many.”  Steve feels his hand covered with another. 

            “Uh, where are Grace and Charlie?”

            “She’s reading him a story before bed.  I told him we’d be up to say goodnight in a bit.”

            He nods, knowing that Charlie insists on both of them tucking him in.  it took him a while to get used to that devotion from the young boy, but he finds that he will miss that when he leaves. 

            “So, you still plan on leaving?”

            “Yeah.  I need to find out who I am.  I can’t do that here.  The influence of the old Steve is too strong.  I need to have a blank slate, so to speak, to find out who I am going to be from now on.”

            He hears a loud sigh come from Danny.  “Babe, you can still get your memories back.  I believe you will.”

            “Stop, Danny.  Just stop.  It’s been too long.  Even the doctors are convinced that I am not gonna get them back.  I have accepted that and you need to, also.”

            “NO!  I will never accept that.  Those memories are in there and you will get them back.  Don’t you give up on me, Steven!  Please?”

            He looks over and sees the fear and panic in those blue eyes and, for just a moment, he feels such sadness.  But he knows they aren’t returning and the sooner Danny accepts it, the sooner he can move on.  “You need to accept it, Danny.  Once you do, we can move on.”

            “To what?”  The sorrow is not hidden in his voice. 

            Steve drops his gaze, not able to look at those despondent blue eyes anymore.  “You have to figure that out for yourself, Danny.  I can’t say.  I just know I need to leave to be able to figure that out for myself.”  He stares at his hands, fingers interlocked, elbows on knees. 

            He can feel the glare coming from the man next to him.  He cannot bring himself to look up into Danny’s face.  He can feel that his decision is the right one.  It feels right inside his heart and soul.  He doesn’t have the courage to tell Danny he plans on coming back once he’s figured out who he is.  He wants a clean break,  so they can both move on and find someone else, if that’s what lies ahead. 

            “Okay.  Fine.  You are so sure you aren’t getting your memory back, then so be it.  You do what you have to.  I know Grace and Charlie will miss their Uncle Steve…AGAIN…but at least this time, I hope you will say goodbye.”  He has no regrets at his choice of words. 

            “You know I will.  I plan on sitting down with both of them and explaining why I need to leave.  I don’t know that Charlie will understand, but I’m sure you and Grace can explain it when he’s older.”

            Danny stands, fists at his side.  “Oh, sure.  Leave it to me to explain again.  Do you truly understand what I went through trying to tell them where you were when you disappeared two years ago?  How hard it was to come up with excuses when I found out the real reasons you were gone?  I couldn’t tell him that.  He still has no idea where you truly were and what you did for him and Grace.  I don’t know that I will ever be able to tell either of them.”  Steve looks at him, questions on his face.  “No, I did not tell Grace what you were doing.  I said it was some super-secret, classified mission.  She knows better to ask about that.  Why do you think she didn’t ask many questions when you came back?  She knew you wouldn’t be able to answer them.  Then when she saw how hurt you were and that you couldn’t remember anything, she was scared.  Charlie was terrified.  Now you are just gonna leave them again and I will have to explain it all to that little boy when he’s old enough to truly understand.”  He relaxes his hands.  “But this is what you have always been good at and I will do just what you want.  Don’t worry about it.  I’ll handle MY kids.  Now, I’m gonna go up and say good night to Charlie.  I’ll let him know his favorite uncle will be up in a few minutes.”

            He watches as Danny walks back into the house, shoulders hunched over, almost defeated.  He feels a tug at his heart, a near pain that he’s not felt before.  He has no idea what it means, but he cannot veer from his path now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? I know it is a bit long but I think it's called for. The muse loves any comments. They will hopefully have her working at a good pace again. Thank you for any and all comments.

**Author's Note:**

> I won't have many in this series that are multi-chapters but this one wouldn't let go and it cannot be told in one chapter, even a very long one. Please feed the muse with any comments, good or bad. I truly feel Steve would react this way if anyone in his o'hana were threatened in this manner, but especially the person in this story.


End file.
